Healing For Love

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss 3 signs that you may want to firm up your psychological boundaries.
 
The first one is Resentment.  Having high levels of long standing resentment is a sign that you have been suppressing your true thoughts and feelings for way too long,  perhaps you have been "yes" when you really wanted to say "no".  Resentment can be the result of surrendering to your subjugation schema- feeling that you can't speak your mind for fear of retaliation, rejection and disapproval.
 
The second sign is Burnout.  Reaching Burnout means you've hit a wall and you can feel 1) exhausted; 2) reduced fulfilment in life and/or work and 3) general cynicism that often goes with a feeling of reduced empathy for others.  This can all be the result of doing too much, putting your own needs last, assuming too much responsibility for others; pushing yourself to your physical and emotional limits; not saying "no" when you really should and pursuing unrelenting standards to your detriment.

The third is Guilt. Guilt is a normal and sometimes useful and valid emotion.  But many times we can feel way too much guilt and be driven by unreasonably high levels of this emotion.  The self-sacrifice schema is largely driven by guilt - people with a high degree of this schema can be preoccupied by the need to lessen their guilt by overly focusing on the needs of others.  Self-care and boundaries are compromised when we also prioritise other people's needs and think that it our job to take away other people's pain and suffering.  When we fail to do this enough, we can feel incredibly guilty. 

If boundaries are an issue for you, please check out our membership program as it's one of the hot topics we will be addressing in depth. Schema Circle Membership
 
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss 5 things that difficult parents do. We get so many requests to talk about relationships including the adult parent-child relationship.  No matter what age you are, you can still find yourself caught up in the emotional forcefield of your family or origin and some interactions can take you straight back to childhood. 
 
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

This episode is a popular one from a while back.  Encore Episode: 22: Coming to terms with narcissistic parents. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss the role that schemas play when try to Emotion Coach our kids.  We believe that the parenting style of Emotion Coaching (J Gottman), is the gold standard when it comes to emotional attunement and meeting children's emotional needs.  BUT, we all have our own schemas as parents, so how can we be our best when we get triggered?

Book mentioned:- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss the parenting style of Emotion Coaching (J Gottman).  We cover the 5 steps of emotion coaching and discuss how emotion coaching is akin to emotional attunement and helps us to actively meet our children's emotional needs.

Book mentioned:- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we are talking about the healthy adult mode in schema therapy. In schema therapy, one of the main aims is to develop and foster this mode. We all have this mode within us to use as a resource - to varying degrees. There are many things we can do to build and strengthen this mode and it increase the qualities of this mode for ourselves. 

In this episode we take a look at the Healthy Adult Mode in depth, what it is and how to strengthen it! Mindfulness, compassion, "kindfulness", emotion regulation and reparenting, are just a few of the issues we cover. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss a really interesting pattern that many people find themselves in when we're in this role. It can be really torturous and painful and we don't think clearly at all. It's a pattern that's played out mostly in romantic relationships and is almost always a replication of the past. 

What does it mean to be a rescuer in relationships and why are some people really prone to fall into this pattern.  Well Justine thought she was having just another uneventful evening at the movies, but little did she know the content of the film would propel her back to a turbulent relationship she had in her 20's.  For 6 years Justine was stuck in a cycle of wanting and needing to rescue her then boyfriend.  If only she knew then what she knows now.

In this episode we explore the tendency to hang in there way too long with a partner who is emotionally unavailable - someone you feel needs your help, someone you need to fix or rescue.  Why is this such a strong urge and what schemas underpin this dynamic?

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Join us as we discuss a listener's email about her inner critic to whom she has given the name 'Dick'.  A listener, whom we refer to as 'Mia' has sent us  a detailed email about her inner critic.  'Dick' the critic, says all sorts of nasty and punitive things to Mia, but sometimes Mia feels that he actually protects her.  How can this be? Does her critic actually protect her from something?  Could it have a protective role and if so does that make it something else? 

In this episode, Gemma and Justine take a very deep dive into the concept of the inner critic and related modes in schema therapy.  

• How can we define the inner critic
• Where does the inner critic come from
• What are modes in schema therapy
• Could 'Dick' actually be a coping mode instead of a critic?
• Why is it useful to pull apart the messages a critic says to us
• What had Ronald Fairbairn's "Moral Defense" have to do with it all? 
• What is the Flagellating Over-Controller Mode in schema therapy & what is its function?
• We mention that this defence mechanism is also relevant for schema chemistry and why some people tend to blame themselves for bad treatment. 
• We hope we have given Mia a few potential hypotheses to think about with her own therapist.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Up to 50% of people have this schema, it's incredibly common and underpins a great many relationship, personality and mental health issues.

We discuss the Emotional Deprivation Schema.  It's one of the core schemas, it develops early life usually in the first 10 years.   It can be a tricky one for us to identify as it tends to be pervasive but elusive at the same time. 

What is it:

The Emotional Deprivation schema is the expectation that one’s desire for emotional connection will not be adequately fulfilled. You don' expect people to be there for you in different ways. Young identified three forms: (1) deprivation of nurturance (the absence of affection or caring); (2) deprivation of empathy (the absence of listening or understanding); and (3) deprivation of protection (the absence of strength or guidance from others).

In this episode Justine and Gemma discuss this schema in depth and how it shows up in our lives, how it plays out in the clients they see as well as discussing where it comes from and how it tends to develop.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Justine tends to overcommit to things. After agreeing to do something, she often regrets it and lands up with a schema hangover because there are big consequences to changing her mind and saying no, and getting out of what she has committed to do can sometimes create a big drama.

Since the last episode, she has been reflecting on how much an unrelenting standards schema contributes to people’s stress and sense of being rushed. She was wondering if unrelenting standards might be playing a role in her recent feelings of stress and sense of being rushed because it’s a sneaky schema that could pop up anywhere.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine dive into what it takes to change or modify an unrelenting standards schema. They discuss various criteria that might indicate that your schema is playing out and offer advice on what you can do to overcome perfectionism, retrain your brain, and start doing things differently. Stay tuned for more!

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