Healing For Love

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Don't you hate this! You'v e had a first great date with someone and then it's all down hill from there.  What went wrong? 

In this episode Justine and Gemma put this issue under the microscope and dissect the anatomy of this all too common and disappointing scenario.  

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

TRIGGER WARNING - Intimate partner abuse discussed and some sobering statistics of violence/sexual violence against woman are stated.

In today's episode we speak with Psychologist  Leanne Nunn who has recently completed her PhD research on  The Earliest Warning Signs of Intimate Partner Abuse.   Leanne has over twenty five years of experience as a psychologist in the clinical, management and training sectors.  She is also a PhD Student at the University of Tasmania focusing on intimate partner abuse (IPA). She has worked
with women that have experienced IPA or childhood abuse extensively throughout her career, both individually and in groups, across private practice, hospital and community settings.
 
Summary of research findings

This qualitative research project focused on listening to the voices of survivors of IPA and identified four key findings:

1) Women witnessed behaviours by the perpetrator early in the relationship that they felt were inappropriate or concerning or that they simply did not agree with. However, they did not label these behaviours as early warning signs of abuse, even when they were already very familiar with warning signs of abuse.
2) When women witnessed these inappropriate behaviours, they compromised or pushed down their internal reactions to them.
3) Every relationship included perpetrators’ intense charm, pursuit, love or excitement.
4) Every relationship included perpetrators’ controlling behaviours that imposed limits on the victim-survivor.

These findings suggest that the socialisation of women (including prioritising their partner’s needs over their own, maintaining the relationship at all costs, and a hope to be ‘swept up’ in their relationship) creates a foundation that can be manipulated by perpetrators to further enhance their abusive tactics. There are important implications of this research for primary prevention programs going forward.

Contact for Psychologist  Leanne Nunn.
http://www.lmnunn.com/

Link to Leanne's book
http://www.lmnunn.com/books/


ABOUT THE PODCAST

The Good Mood Clinic podcast focuses on our passion for Schema Therapy and how it transforms lives for the better. We talk about all things to do with Schema Therapy so you can become your own pattern-breaker and change your life for good. We think the whole world would be a better place if everyone healed their schemas!

If you enjoy listening to the podcast please do leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts - even a few words helps! You can also email us with any feedback, thoughts on what you have learned from the episodes or even suggest future topics.

Please note: This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and is no substitute for professional or relationship advice from a registered therapist. Please seek advice that is tailored to your specific needs from a mental heath or relationship expert.

Are you a regular listener who loves what we do on this podcast?  If so, would you consider helping us continue to put out great content by making a small monthly contribution?  If you'd like to help support the show please click the link below.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss core emotional needs and why they are so important for humans throughout our life.  We are born into the world with needs and our emotional, social, physical and psychological well-being depends upon them.  Our early care-givers are responsible for meeting our needs and as we grow and develop both ourselves and other people play a role in meeting emotional needs.
  
The needs discussed are: 

• safety, stability & predictability
• secure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)
• autonomy & growing independence
• expression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)
• spontaneity, creativity & play 
• realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse control

In schema therapy, early maladaptive schemas develop when these needs are not adequately met or are violated in some way.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Gemma does a solo show talking all about schema triggers and schema activation.

Gemma described the trigger chain and how we can break down the components of schema activation - feelings, thoughts, memories, sensations.  She describes what action urges are and how they are also part of the schema.  She then outlines the 3 different types of coping responses and how we can start to make some behavioural changes.
 
Finally Gemma also discusses some tools and strategies to cope with schema activation and the difficult emotions that can arise.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

TRIGGER WARNING - This episode talks about death, dying, grief and breast cancer.

In Loving Memory of  Astrid von Lojewski-Wilson 16/11/76 - 11/12/19, a beautiful human being, greatly missed every day.

In this podcast, Gemma talks about the profound impact of losing a close friend through death.  She describes her own experience of grief after the death of her close friend from cancer. 

Gemma then discusses 5 ways that can help as you navigate your way through the grieving process.

1. Honour your feelings & the reality of your own grief. The death of a friend can sometimes be a form of disenfranchised grief (not acknowledged by others).
2. Keep up the connection with your friend somehow - keep a continuing bond with your friend via rituals or other ways to celebrate and remember their life (eg, photos, talk to them, write them a letter).
3. Consider their LEGACY. What have they left behind in terms of impact and gifts to your life.  How did you learn from them? How can you internalise their wisdom into your own life?
4. Grieve in YOUR OWN way. There are many myths and unrealistic expectations out there about grief and the grieving process - they are not helpful.  There are no defined rules or time periods with grief. 
5. Remember them with others. Grief can be an isolating experience. Talk about your lost friend with the mutual friends you have. Discuss different memories of them and what you most valued about them. 

Also there is a recommendation for seeking out your own professional support if you feel you need some extra help with your grief.

For resources and support in Australia visit:- https://www.grief.org.au/

Blog Post mentioned, the study is cited in this post:-
The Profound Significance of a Close Friend's Death

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In schema therapy, 'Modes' are a key part of the model.  Schema Modes have been defined as  moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses that we all experience.  But also, Modes can be understood as 'parts' of self.  So modes can be observable to others and/or also a way to conceptualise the idea of multi-selves (ie, that we all have parts of self).   

Schema modes are activated by triggers (eg, life situations, memories, interactions with others, our own thoughts & feelings, random events)  that we are especially sensitive to (ie, they are salient for us/meaningful to us in some way).  

Many schema modes lead us to over or under react to situations and, thus, to act in ways that end up hurting us or others and also reinforcing and perpetuating our schemas.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss some of the modes that are especially relevant to Narcissism. 

These modes are: (1) angry child mode - a core child mode (2) Bully & Attack mode - a coping mode (3) Martyr Mode - a coping mode and (4) Self-Aggrandiser mode - a coping mode.  While there are other modes which might be relevant, we discuss these four as particularly important in understanding the behaviours and motivations of the person who is exhibiting narcissistic traits. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss 6 strategies for dealing with difficult family relatives over the Christmas and holiday period.  Getting together with family for many, can be a stressful and challenging time.  

There are usually lots of unspoken expectations and sometimes old resentments and old hurts which get activated during this time.

Firstly you need to decide on whether you will be attending gatherings with that difficult person or people and then you need to have a plan, including an exit strategy if things don't go well!

Discussion points are:

1. You don't have to respond to critical comments.
2. Stay mindful and refrain from getting defensive and making things worse.
3. Have a few stock-standard neutral replies or comments pre-prepared.
4. Be complimentary to soften the tone and get the difficult person to help out with something if relevant.
5. See the person for who they are and know they have their own schemas and modes which shape their difficult behaviours.
6. Have a planned exit strategy you can use if necessary. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode Justine & Gemma discuss 4 things you can start working on if you think that you might have narcissistic traits or modes.

Typically, if someone tells us they think they are narcissistic, they often are not at all.  Most clients who are narcissistic don't present for therapy unless their world is significantly compromised in some way (eg, their spouse splits up with them, they lose their job, they lose friends and people don't want to being around them anymore).  Some of our listeners have asks us to do an episode on how narcissists can change.

We have identified 4 key issues/interpersonal problems that the narcissist typically struggles with and we discuss each one describing how you can start to make small changes and improvements in these areas.

The key to all of this is of course, greater self-awareness and learning to tolerate uncomfortable emotions instead of using unhelpful coping behaviours (eg, over-compensation) to suppress or reject those emotions.  

The 4 issues discussed are

1. Learning to tolerate another person's subjectivity.  
2. Learning to do repairs. 
3. Owning your contribution to the problem.
4. Learning to tolerate shame and guilt without the need to blame others.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Dr Gemma Gladstone discusses mindfulness to emotions in this extended podcast lesson.  Gemma describes what emotions are and the difference between the 5 basic emotions (anger, fear, sadness, disgust and joy) and more complex emotions such as shame. 

She discusses why it is so important to acknowledge and experience emotions rather than suppressing, blocking and criticising them.  She recaps why the parenting practice of Emotion Coaching is so useful for young and developing children and how these practice lead to better skills of emotion regulation in children as they develop. 

Gemma also breaks down the several components of an emotion (eg, physical sensations, mood and action 'urges') and differentiates these from the behavioural reactions and coping responses that follow the emotion.

She then breaks down the steps you can take to slow things down, create a mindful pause and experience your emotions more intentionally.  By doing so, you are more able to understand your inner emotional experiences and choose to respond differently if you need to.

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode we discuss a question from a listener in our mailbox series.  We love getting your emails and questions!

The Mailbox: My Partner Had An Affair, What Now?

When you find out your partner (who you thought was wonderful) has been unfaithful, this is pretty devastating news to say the least.  It's confusing and shocking news, especially if it was completely 100% unexpected.  

In this episode we address a listener's question and try to unpick all the components of the question and provide some food for thought and ideas around what factors need to be considered.  

Does an episode of infidelity have to mean the end?  Can a couple survive an affair and perhaps have an even better relationship? What has to happen for the couple to move on? How can trust be re-established in the relationship and is this even possible? 

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Connect with Me

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