Healing For Love

By Dr Gemma GladstoneSociety & Culture Education Self-Improvement Relationships

Healing For Love episodes

September 09, 202498. The Entitlement Trap: Understanding the Schema That Sabotages Relationships
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In this episode, we unpack the complexities of the entitlement schema—a schema that's often linked to narcissistic traits and one that rarely brings individuals to therapy. Unlike schemas like abandonment or self-sacrifice, those with an entitlement schema often believe their way of thinking is justified, which makes it hard to seek change. We explore how this schema is formed, how it manifests in relationships, and what it takes for someone to recognize and work on it. This episode is particularly useful for those in relationships with someone exhibiting entitlement or for parents wanting to avoid fostering this trait in their children.
Key Points Discussed:
Entitlement Schema Basics:
Entitlement schema involves a belief that one’s needs and desires trump others, often without consideration for reciprocity.
Unlike other schemas, those with entitlement often don’t recognize it as a problem, making it difficult for them to seek help.
Connection to Narcissism:
The entitlement schema is closely linked to narcissism, with individuals often displaying a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and demanding behavior.
People with this schema rarely self-reflect and are usually satisfied with their approach to life, making therapy engagement rare.
Two Main Origins of Entitlement:
Overindulgence in Childhood: Children who grow up without learning limits or consequences may develop a sense of entitlement.
Overcompensation for Emotional Deprivation: Those who felt unseen or neglected may overcompensate by developing an entitlement schema to meet their unmet needs in adulthood.
Entitlement in Relationships:
Entitlement can cause significant strain in relationships, often pairing with someone who feels under-entitled or self-sacrificing.
These dynamics lead to an imbalance, with the entitled partner often making decisions unilaterally and disregarding the needs of others.
Challenges in Therapy:
People with an entitlement schema may only seek therapy when their relationships are on the rocks or they are losing important connections.
Therapy focuses on building rapport and slowly confronting the entitlement through empathic confrontation, helping the person recognize the impact of their behavior.
How to Recognize Entitlement in a Partner:
Lack of empathy or curiosity about your needs.
Always prioritizing their own desires and making decisions without consultation.
Low tolerance for frustration, impulsivity, or demanding behavior.
Managing Entitlement in Relationships:
Establishing clear boundaries is key, but can lead to pushback or anger from the entitled partner.
Partners often feel like they need to subjugate their own needs, which can lead to long-term resentment and emotional exhaustion.
Takeaway Message: Recognizing and addressing entitlement in relationships is challenging but necessary. It requires both partners to work on understanding schemas and finding healthier ways to communicate and meet each other’s needs. For those with an entitlement schema, change is possible, but it takes time, empathy, and a willingness to confront deep-seated patterns.

Information about private therapy/coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: [email protected]
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33 min
August 12, 202497. This Hidden Schema Sabotages Success: Unmasking the Failure Schema
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Episode Summary:
Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.
Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.
Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).
Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.
Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).
Practical Advice:
Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenges can help shift this deep-seated belief.
Break the Cycle: Recognize the coping behaviors that reinforce the failure schema and actively work to change them. Whether it's avoidance, surrender, or overcompensation, addressing these patterns is key to overcoming the schema.

CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
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Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Information about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: [email protected]

Could you Support the Show?
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Connect with Me
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📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
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33 min
August 06, 202496. Break-up Recovery: Can we really ever get 'Closure'?
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Special Announcements:
New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

Episode Summary: In this episode, Gemma Gladstone tackles a listener's question about break-up recovery and the elusive concept of closure. Drawing from her extensive experience as a therapist over the last 25 years, she provides practical advice on healing after a painful breakup, what to do and what not to do as well as managing lingering feelings.
Key Points:
Introduction to Listener's Question:
A listener, referred to as "Lisa," shares her experience of a difficult breakup with a partner who exhibited love-bombing behavior.
Lisa is conflicted about seeking closure by expressing her feelings to her ex versus moving on without further contact.
Understanding Love Bombing:
Gemma explains the dynamics of love bombing and its association with narcissistic traits.
The importance of recognizing red flags early in relationships.
Healing Tips Post-Breakup:
No Contact Rule: Avoid all forms of contact with the ex-partner, including social media, to facilitate healing.
Avoid Rumination: Recognize and interrupt patterns of overthinking and counterfactual thinking to prevent emotional stagnation.
Validate Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings of grief and sadness as a natural part of the healing process.
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:
Techniques to become aware of and manage unhelpful thoughts.
The role of self-compassion in validating and soothing your emotional pain.
Avoiding Rebound Relationships:
The dangers of jumping into new relationships or casual encounters too soon.
The importance of self-reflection and understanding personal patterns before starting a new relationship.
The Concept of Closure:
Differentiating between seeking resolution and seeking closure.
Understanding that closure often involves needing something from the other person, which may not always be possible.
The importance of finding closure within oneself rather than relying on external validation or apologies.
CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
43 min
July 29, 202495. A Schema Therapy Take on Defensiveness & How to Reduce it.
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Information about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: [email protected]

In today's episode, Gemma explores the impact of Defensiveness on relationships, its root causes, and practical steps to overcome it.
Key Points:
Defensive Phrases:
Common examples: "It's not my fault," "You always," "You never," "You're overreacting."
Recognize these as signs of defensiveness.
Impact on Relationships:
Defensiveness is a relationship killer, identified by John and Julie Gottman as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."
High levels of defensiveness can predict relationship breakup and divorce.
Triggers and Responses:
Often triggered by low to medium-level criticisms or requests from a partner.
Immediate emotional responses include feelings of threat, anger, and injustice.
Behavioral Patterns:
Refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.
Redirecting blame or overly justifying actions.
Counterattacking or withdrawing.
Underlying Causes:
Common schemas involved: defectiveness, emotional deprivation, mistrust, subjugation.
Often stems from childhood experiences with critical or narcissistic parents.
Steps to Overcome Defensiveness:
Reflect on defensive incidents when calm.
Identify triggers and feelings.
Recognize the part of yourself you're defending.
Acknowledge and validate your vulnerable inner child.
Reassure the defensive part of you that you're now an adult and safe.
Practice responding calmly and reasonably.
Practical Exercise:
Sit quietly and recall a recent defensive episode.
Identify your reaction and underlying feelings.
Visualize a conversation with your inner child and defender.
Reassure them and imagine a healthier response in future interactions.
Conclusion: Defensiveness is common but can be managed with self-awareness and compassionate inner dialogue. Reflect, identify triggers, and practice calm responses to improve relationship dynamics.

CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
36 min
July 18, 2024 94. Self-Reparenting: Practical Tips
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Reparenting is at the heart of schema therapy and you can learn how to do it yourself.
In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss how to start reparenting yourself and provide several practical suggestions for how to get started. Reparenting is central to psychological and schema healing. The more you practice, the easier it gets and the psychologically integrated and connected you will feel.

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Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
33 min
June 20, 2024 93. Why am I surrounded by Narcissists?
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Get the Free Guide on Breaking the toxic ties of Narcissistic parents

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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In this episode Gemma discusses what puts people at risk of having narcissistic friends. What are some of the schemas that play a role in this? What can you do if you realise that you have 1 too many self-absorbed people in your life? It can feel demoralizing and you might feel like giving up. Gemma then discusses ways for taking care of yourself and increasing your social contact with others.

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Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
40 min
May 29, 2024 92. Back to Basics: What is a Schema?
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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In this episode Gemma and Justine go back to basics and take a deep-dive into what is a schema or an Early Maladaptive Schema to be precise. This episode will provide you with the basics of what you need to know if you're wanting to understand schemas more thoroughly or are perhaps confused about the concept and can't quite grasp it. Hope you enjoy the episode!
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Connect with Me
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📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
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34 min
May 06, 2024 91. Understanding the Mistrust/Abuse Schema
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Today we share a clip from our "Schema In Focus" series in our Schema Circle Membership.
Gemma and Justine discuss this schema in-depth, including its origins, what it feels like, how it is typically triggered and other things to look out for with this schema.
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Connect with Me
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44 min
February 09, 2024 90. Invisible Barriers: Why Women Stay with Unavailable Partners
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In today's episode Gemma discusses the invisible reasons why so many women find it hard to leave an unhealthy relationship EARLY. Based on her experience and knowledge gained from hearing the stories of hundred's of women, Gemma outlines her top 3 schema-related reasons why women don't exit relationships with partners who shows signs of unavailability, control and or narcissism.
Tune in to find out why you may have gone against your best instincts and hung in there too long hoping for your new partner to change.
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Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
45 min
January 05, 2024 89. Understanding the abandonment wound and where it comes from
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In today's episode we play an excerpt from a deep dive discussion on the abandonment schema from our monthly membership program, The Schema Circle.
We discuss the abandonment schema and fine tune it's origins, what it actually feels like and the many triggers for this schema.
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Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
30 min

About Healing For Love

From the publisher's feed

Healing for Love
A podcast for anyone who wants to heal their schemas, shift their patterns and grow into their most grounded, authentic self in love & life. Hosted by Dr Gemma…