Healing For Love

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Schema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma Gladstone

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In this mailbox episode, we dive into a listener question from Amy (name changed for privacy), who is struggling with the trauma bond with her narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother. Amy shares her experience of emotional neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, and rejection—all while navigating the complicated reality of trying to maintain boundaries.

 ✔ What a trauma bond with a parent looks like – Why it’s so difficult to break free
✔ The cycle of hope & rejection – Why emotionally neglectful parents keep you in a state of longing
✔ How narcissistic parents offload their shame onto their children – Understanding the “shame exchange”
✔ Why boundaries feel impossible with a narcissistic mother – The emotional toll of walking on eggshells
✔ Grief and healing – The painful but necessary process of accepting that your mother will never be the mother you needed
✔ Moving forward – Why reparenting yourself is key, and how to start choosing healthier relationships

This is a deeply validating episode for anyone struggling with a difficult or narcissistic parent. If you’ve ever felt stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, confused by your mother’s inconsistent behavior, or burdened with guilt for setting boundaries, this discussion is for you.

🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
📌 Episode 104 – Understanding Trauma Bonds 
 

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In this episode, Dr Gemma takes a deep dive into one of the most common and persistent life patterns—people-pleasing. If you've ever found yourself constantly prioritizing others' needs over your own, struggling to say no, or feeling exhausted from always trying to keep the peace, this episode is for you.

She explores:
✅ What people-pleasing really is and why it’s not just one behavior but a collection of patterns
✅ The three main schemas that drive people-pleasing
✅ How early experiences and conditioning shape this pattern and why it can be hard to break
✅ Six powerful self-reflection questions to help you tune into yourself, your needs and your emotions

These six foundational questions are designed to help you:
🔹 Reconnect with who you really are beneath years of learned behaviours
🔹 Identify what you truly want, need, and believe—instead of looking outward for validation
🔹 Start making decisions from a place of self-awareness and confidence

If you’ve been a chronic people-pleaser and you’re ready to start shifting this pattern, this episode will give you practical first steps to create real change.

Resources & Links:

 🔹 Learn more about The Red Flag Project: theredflagproject.com
🔹 Upcoming Therapist Webinar – Supporting Clients with Narcissistic Parents (March 27th) – Early bird discount ends March 8th! Registration Link

https://podcast.feedspot.com/australian_psychology_podcasts/
https://podcast.feedspot.com/mood_podcasts/

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Episode Description:
Are you dating someone new and wondering if they’re truly a good match? Or do you have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners? In this episode, Gemma breaks down The 7 Deadly Sins of the Narcissistic Dater—key warning signs that indicate deeper personality issues and potential toxic relationship dynamics.

These signs often reveal themselves early—sometimes even on the first date. Recognizing them before you get emotionally invested can save you from heartbreak and manipulation.

These behaviors aren’t just annoying quirks—they’re significant predictors of toxic relationship patterns. I also share 2 real success stories from women who’ve identified these red flags early, broken their old patterns, and found secure, emotionally available partners.

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Episode Overview:
In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Dr. Justine Corry shares her experience of family estrangement, reflecting on her relationship with a narcissistic mother and the impact on her life. Dr. Gemma Gladstone joins the conversation as they both discuss the psychological toll of estrangement and how schema therapy can help individuals heal and move forward.

Key Topics Covered:

• What drives estrangement and why it’s never an easy decision.
• The role of schemas in shaping family dynamics and coping mechanisms.
• Personal reflections on living without a parent and how to navigate the associated grief and loss.
• Understanding the motivations and limitations of difficult family members, including narcissistic parents.
• How self-preservation and boundaries can lead to healing and healthier relationships.

If you’ve ever struggled with a difficult family relationship, faced the possibility of estrangement, or want to better understand the psychology behind toxic family dynamics, this episode provides both professional guidance and heartfelt relatability.

Estrangement is never easy, but understanding the dynamics at play can help bring clarity and healing. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to move forward and build a life that aligns with your well-being.

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Happy New Year! In this first episode of 2025, Gemma invites you to reflect on the life scripts and recurring patterns that no longer serve you and take intentional steps toward rewriting them. Life scripts are the unconscious stories and patterns that shape how we think, feel, and behave, often holding us back from living authentically and joyfully.

By unpacking and letting go of these outdated narratives, we create space for personal growth, healthier relationships, and a life aligned with our true selves.

In This Episode, Gemma Discusses:

• What Are Life Scripts?
  • How they differ from schemas and influence our decisions and behaviors.
  • Examples of common life scripts, such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt.
• The Connection Between Life Scripts and Schemas:
  • How schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and unrelenting standards often underpin these scripts.
• Three Common Life Scripts:
  1. People-Pleasing: "I need to make everyone happy to be loved."
  2. Perfectionism: "If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m not good enough."
  3. Self-Doubt: "I’m not capable or as good as others."
• How to Let Go of Limiting Life Scripts:
  • Identify the Script: Recognize the recurring patterns or schemas that are holding you back.
  • Visualize Change: Imagine life without the script—what would it look like?
  • Create a Mantra: Use affirmations to focus your intention and remind yourself of your growth.
  • Take Small Steps: Start with achievable actions, like setting a boundary or reframing a critical thought.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • Gemma shares powerful success stories of clients who rewrote their scripts and transformed their lives.

As we begin 2025, this episode is your invitation to reflect, reset, and take steps toward letting go of the old scripts holding you back.

P.S. If you’re ready to go deeper and tackle your life scripts with focused 1:1 coaching, Gemma has limited spots available for new clients. Reach out at [email protected] to enquire. 

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Welcome to the final Episode for this year!  We will be back with new episodes in 2025.  

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In this episode of we dive deep into the "martyr mode," a coping style often discussed in schema therapy. We explore what it means to have a martyr complex or mode, how it shows up in relationships, and the emotional dynamics that fuel this behaviour.

Key topics covered include:

• The defining traits of the martyr mode and how it may stem from deeper emotional wounds, unmet needs and emotional deprivation.
• The guilt-inducing and manipulative aspects of martyr behaviour, and its impact on relationships with children, partners, and others.
• How this mode can flip between seeking validation, playing the victim, and striving for indispensability.
• Insights into the covert ways martyrs seek emotional control and validation, often leaving others feeling resentful or guilty.
• Practical advice for recognizing and addressing martyr tendencies in yourself or dealing with someone exhibiting this behavior.

Whether you're navigating a relationship with someone in this mode or noticing these patterns within yourself, this episode offers valuable insights and strategies for creating healthier dynamics.

If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to FOLLOW the show and share it with others who might benefit from this discussion.

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Healthy Adult Daily Practice: An Intentional Reflection Tool

In this episode, Gemma introduces a practical tool called Healthy Adult Daily Practice, designed to help you strengthen and nurture your Healthy Adult mode. Building on the foundational features of the Healthy Adult mode discussed in the previous episode, this episode walks you through a simple, intentional practice that can be integrated into your daily life to promote emotional resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• What is the Healthy Adult Mode?
  • A quick recap of its foundational characteristics: mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and more.
  • How embodying the Healthy Adult mode supports wiser, more compassionate decision-making and self-management.
• Healthy Adult Daily Practice Tool:
  • Set Your Intention: Choose one Healthy Adult quality (e.g., patience, empathy, gratitude, self-care) to focus on for the day.
  • Daily Embodiment: Actively embody this quality in your actions, thoughts, and interactions throughout the day.
  • End-of-Day Reflection: Evaluate how you embodied this quality, reflect on challenges, and identify lessons learned for future growth.
• Why This Practice Works:
  • The importance of intentionality and repetition in developing new neural pathways.
  • How this practice builds emotional resilience and integrates Healthy Adult traits into your personality over time.

By engaging with this tool, you'll build greater self-awareness, foster healthier relationships, and develop the emotional resilience to face life's challenges with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Questions for Healthy Adult Daily Practice:

1. What Healthy Adult quality will I focus on tomorrow?
2. Why is this quality meaningful or important to me right now?
3. How do I plan to incorporate this quality into my daily life?
4. How did I embody this quality today?
5. What challenges did I face in practicing this quality?
6. How did this practice influence my interactions, decisions, or emotions?
7. What did I learn about myself during this practice?
8. Will I continue to develop this quality? If so, how?

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In this episode, Gemma dives into the cornerstone of schema therapy: the Healthy Adult mode. This is the part of us that represents balance, wisdom, and compassion—our best self that helps us navigate relationships, emotions, and life’s challenges effectively.

What You’ll Learn:

1. Mindfulness: Why mindfulness is the foundational building block for self-awareness, self-reflection, and personal growth.
2. The Healthy Adult as Executor: How this mode acts as the caretaker, director, and overseer of all other modes.
3. The Wise and Courageous Self: The importance of facing reality, leaning into discomfort, and making wise, courageous decisions.
4. The Compassionate Self: How to practice genuine compassion toward yourself and others without overextending or self-sacrificing.
5. The Good Parent: Prioritizing meaningful self-care and addressing unhealthy coping strategies to nurture yourself like a loving parent would.
6. Self-Awareness and Growth: Recognizing your schemas and embracing psychological awareness to create meaningful change.
7. Flexibility and Openness: Developing an open, adaptable mindset to navigate life’s ups and downs without rigidity.

Why This Episode Matters:

Understanding and strengthening your Healthy Adult mode is central to breaking unhelpful patterns and living authentically. Gemma shares practical insights and strategies to help you embrace this transformative aspect of yourself.

Resources Mentioned:

• Book recommendation: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young.
• Previous episode: "You’re Not Your Diagnosis."

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