Healing For Love

By Dr Gemma GladstoneSociety & Culture Education Self-Improvement Relationships

Healing For Love episodes

February 27133. My Top 5 Dark Red Flags In Dating (Part 1)
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Not all red flags are equal.
Some signal incompatibility.
Others signal something much darker.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.
If you’ve ever found yourself:
Ignoring your gut
Giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”
Talking yourself out of discomfort
Wanting to be the easygoing, understanding one
This episode is for you.
I explore:
Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t right
How subtle pushiness can signal future control
Why arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlook
The difference between confidence and entitlement
How love bombing can be used strategically
What “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent women
I also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.
This is not about demonising people.
It’s about helping you see clearly.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
33 min
February 15 BONUS - Healing your Inner Child Meditation
Send Gemma a message
Here's a nurturing gift for you
Let me know if you'd like more meditations like this 🩷🩷
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
30 min
January 28132. Emotional Needs in Relationships: Why You Feel Unfulfilled in Love
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Many women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs.
In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns.
You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren.
This episode is especially relevant if you have ever:
Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationships
Struggled to name your needs or voice your preferences
Found yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourself
Stayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfying
Find out all about the six core emotional needs
Key Takeaway
A healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity.
It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met.
Work With Gemma
Join the Love Wisely priority list for the April intake
Stay tuned for details of a free training coming up
Apply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently available
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
50 min
December 15, 2025131. No Matches, No Dates - Is Something Wrong With Me?
Send Gemma a message
In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:
“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”
If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.
I'll look at three key areas:
The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.
Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).
Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.
I’ll invite you to:
Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).
Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.
Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.
If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating apps
How our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipe
Why leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good men
How schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthy
How to gently expand beyond your usual “type”
Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while dating
Resources mentioned:
Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.
Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.
Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
42 min
December 08, 2025130. What Emotionally Available Partners Actually Do
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We hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing.
Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection.
In this episode, you will learn:
What the Emotional Deprivation schema is
How it forms in childhood
Why it makes it hard to identify and express your needs
Why you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensity
How schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patterns
Ten signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:
Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner world
Has actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows through
Is emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflict
Is predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alert
Is willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversations
Has emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotions
Shows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciated
Allows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacy
Makes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassurance
Is kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generous
Why emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistency
A real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical tension drop when she finally dated someone emotionally available
How to start looking at your own relationship history through the lens of schemas and emotional availability so you can choose differently next time
Gemma finishes with an invitation to reflect gently on your past connections without self blame, and to see emotional availability as something you can both recognise and build, inside yourself and with a partner.
If this episode resonated, please leave a rating or review in your podcast app so more women can find Healing for Love.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
43 min
November 24, 2025129: The Real Dating Mindset: 10 Shifts That Protect You From Old Patterns
Send Gemma a message
Dating can stir up every schema you have. If you have a history of emotionally unavailable partners, narcissistic relationships or spending years in situationships that never really went anywhere, getting back out there can feel both hopeful and terrifying.
In this episode I walk you through ten grounded mindset shifts that help you stay in Healthy Adult mode while you date so you can notice red flags, take in green flags and stop abandoning yourself in the process.
I talk about:
Why dating is data
How to shift the goal from “finding the one” to “showing up grounded and observant”
How to stay open to experience and still be discerning
What it means to embrace ambiguity without losing yourself, especially if you have an abandonment schema
Why you need to replace “stay positive” with “stay real” so you do not slide into the “super easygoing, no needs” people pleasing role
The power of focusing on internal milestones, not external outcomes
How to normalise the emotional rollercoaster of dating when schemas and old attachment wounds get activated
What it looks like to cultivate self trust over outcome obsession
How to reframe rejection as clarity, especially when ghosting or avoidant behaviour shows you who someone really is
Why breaking the pattern of fantasy thinking is essential if you tend to fall for potential rather than reality
The protective power of letting people reveal themselves over time
This episode is for you if:
You have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners
You find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty in early dating
You often override your needs because you do not want to be “too much” or “difficult”
You get attached quickly and then feel anxious, preoccupied and on edge
You want a practical, compassionate framework for dating differently
1:1 coaching
If you would like to explore working with me privately you can email me at [email protected] for details on my coaching packages.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
55 min
November 15, 2025128. The Sorry Reflex - Why You Apologise (When You Don’t Need To)
Send Gemma a message
In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected.
Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system.
You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising.
If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust.
Takeaways
Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.
Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.
Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.
Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.
Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.
Opposite action = growth and rewiring.
You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
33 min
November 05, 2025127. Can they change? Two Essential Qualities That Make It Possible
Send Gemma a message
If you are asking can this improve, this episode gives you a simple lens. Gemma unpacks two essential capacities that predict whether change is possible in a relationship. You will hear why the brain repeats what is familiar, how schemas drive loops and how to assess real readiness for growth in yourself and in someone you are dating.
In this episode
Why patterns repeat even when you want something different
The role of schemas in attraction, conflict and coping
Two essentials that predict change
Why avoidance blocks growth
Dating as data, plus a new way to date with self awareness

Are you ready to join Love Wisely? Doors open again in Feb 26.
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
41 min
October 17, 2025126. Inside Limerence (Part 2): From fantasy to freedom
Send Gemma a message
What limerence really is, why it hooks into our deepest unmet needs and how to gently unhook using a schema-therapy lens.
In Part 2, Gemma explores limerence as a preoccupying, often intoxicating state that’s fueled by unmet needs - with abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas usually at the core. She explains why the brain’s reward systems (hello, dopamine) and a quieted prefrontal cortex can hijack rationality, making red flags easy to miss. You’ll learn practical, compassionate ways to reduce rumination, interrupt mental loops and begin reparenting the vulnerable parts that long for consistent care. Gemma also speaks to when limerence turns into a relationship (and why those tend to be high “schema chemistry”) and offers realistic hope for moving toward grounded, secure love.
Key takeaways
Limerence = unmet needs + brain rewards. It’s human, common, and often temporary; shame isn’t helpful.
Schemas under the hood: Abandonment (primary) and emotional deprivation are frequent drivers; attachment style can be a clue, but schemas give the nuance.
“Schema chemistry” alert: Relationships born from intense limerence often trigger old wounds on both sides.
Stop feeding the loop: Reduce cues (no social stalking, no photo scrolling). Notice → name → turn your mind.
Circuit breakers that help: Mindfulness, imagery/rumination interruption, exercise, novelty/learning, supportive people, flow-state activities.
Reparenting matters: Daily, gentle practices to meet needs consistently will dilute schemas over time.
When to get help: If limerence becomes distressing, incapacitating or escalates into harmful behaviours, seek professional support.
Practical steps you can try
Name it: “This is the limerence loop.”
Reduce reinforcement: Unfollow/mute; remove reminders.
Shift attention: Choose a grounding task (walk, call a friend, learn something new).
Reparenting micro-rituals: Daily check-ins with your vulnerable part; write a brief caring letter to yourself.
Track triggers: Note what sparks rumination and plan alternatives.
Therapeutic support: Look for schema-informed, experiential work.
Mentioned in this episode
Coaching spaces now open with Gemma (limited).
Love Wisely group coaching: next intake planned for late Feb '26 (waitlist in links).
Reviews really help. Please rate on your podcast app.
Contact: [email protected]
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
34 min
October 06, 2025125. Inside Limerence (Part 1): The psychology of the crush that won’t quit
Send Gemma a message
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
If you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone - checking for “signs,” fantasising a future and riding waves of hope and anxiety, then you may have experienced limerence. In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs. You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.”
In this episode, you’ll learn
A plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or love
The two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)
How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush alive
Why limerence can last months or years and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationships
The link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)
Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)
Key takeaways
Limerence is an internal state - more about your needs than about them.
Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.
Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation) - but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.
Try this (starter steps)
Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”
Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.
Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.
Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.
Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”
Teaser for Part 2
How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence and a step-by-step plan to unwind it, rebuild self-trust, and stop repeating the pattern.
Resources mentioned
The early research on limerence (originating in the late 20th century)
Attachment theory (context), schema therapy (deeper lens)
Support the show
🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List
🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50
✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP
🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide
💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me
📩[email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching
🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here
33 min

About Healing For Love

From the publisher's feed

Healing for Love
A podcast for anyone who wants to heal their schemas, shift their patterns and grow into their most grounded, authentic self in love & life. Hosted by Dr Gemma…