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Gemma answers the most common questions she’s received about Love Wisely and widens the lens to address the deeper fears and limiting beliefs that stop women from changing their relationship patterns. You’ll learn how schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness/shame, subjugation, approval-seeking and unrelenting standards) quietly shape attraction, tolerance, and your choices and what it looks like to shift from fear-driven decisions to wise, Healthy Adult decisions.

What You’ll Learn

• Why “I want love” is not neediness and why there’s no shame in wanting a partner, the goal is a good partner.
• 5 fears that keep you stuck (and the schemas beneath them):
  1. “What if I can’t change?” → defectiveness, hopelessness; how willingness and skills create traction.
  2. “What if I’m behind everyone else?” → inner critic, comparison traps; using the paradoxical theory of change (accept where you are to move forward).
  3. “I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.” → learned helplessness; why the right framework goes deeper than tips.
  4. “Maybe I’m not meant to find love.” → self-fulfilling prophecy; moving from fate to agency and changing actions that drive outcomes.
  5. “There’s no one for me / no one could love me as I am.” → defectiveness/shame; how this belief warps dating behaviour and tolerance for crumbs.
• Rewriting your Love Template: bringing unconscious maps into the light, strengthening your Healthy Adult, and re-parenting vulnerable parts so they’re not making dating decisions.
• A hopeful reframe: your beliefs are learned, not destiny and learned beliefs can be unlearned.

Key Ideas & Takeaways

• Limiting beliefs are echoes of the past, not predictions of your future.
• Compare yourself only to your own trajectory, not to others.
• No relationship is a waste if you extract the learning.
• Real change is skills + practice: noticing triggers, choosing different responses, and getting out earlier when needed.
• You already have an innate wisdom, schema work helps you hear it again.

Who This Episode Is For

Women who want a healthy, emotionally available relationship and are ready to stop repeating patterns with unavailable or narcissistic partners.

Resources & Next Steps

• Join Love Wisely (12-week transformational group coaching) - doors close Wed 17 September (midnight AEST). First 5 enrolments receive a complimentary 1:1 intention

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

When your heart wants closeness but your “old map” keeps pulling you toward distance, you’re stuck in the Catch-22 of attraction. In this episode, Gemma explains how early schemas quietly shape who you’re drawn to, why “chemistry” so often points you toward the familiar (not the healthy), and what it takes to consciously rewrite your Love Template so you can choose emotionally available partners.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What a schema is (quick primer) and why it’s more useful than attachment boxes
• How the Abandonment schema fuels anxious preoccupation, magical thinking, and self-fulfilling patterns
• Why Emotional Deprivation normalises giving a lot while rarely feeling seen or nurtured
• How Defectiveness/Shame covertly lowers your standards and tolerates poor treatment
• The role of Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice in silencing yourself early, then staying too long
• Why attraction isn’t random and how your Love Template (old map) picks partners for you on autopilot
• The Healthy Adult shift: moving from familiar chemistry to choosing steady, emotionally available partners

Key takeaways

• Attraction pulls toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s good.
• “I’ll just go with the flow” keeps you on autopilot; intentional dating rewrites the outcome.
• Knowledge is power BUT applied knowledge (with guidance) is transformation.
• Your patterns in romance often ripple into career, friendships, and self-worth, change one, and others shift.

Try this this week

1. Name your top 1–2 schemas you hear in this episode.
2. Write one “Healthy Adult” decision you’ll make before your next date (e.g., “If communication is inconsistent in the first 2 weeks, I’ll opt out kindly and early”).
3. List 3 signals of emotional availability you’ll move toward (e.g., follow-through, steady pace, repair after missteps).

Resources & next steps

• JOIN Love Wisely - NOW OPEN Enrollment closes 17th Sept ▶︎ Learn more

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In this episode
I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.

What we cover

• The self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuck
• Love-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)
• Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needs
• Avoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable
• “Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus test
• How to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticism
• The Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patterns

Try this (listener worksheet prompts)

• “Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”
• “Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”
• “How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”
• “What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”

Resources mentioned

• Episode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)
• Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)
• Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partners
  • Live: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AEST
  • Replay available to all who register

Is Love Wisely for you?
If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical. 

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Why do caring, empathic women end up doing the heavy lifting in love, staying out of guilt and “rescuing” partners at the expense of their own needs? In this episode, Gemma unpacks the unconscious pull to fix others, how childhood patterns (self-sacrifice, subjugation, emotional deprivation) set the stage, and the real cost of over-functioning. You’ll learn how to shift from “fixer” to “feeler,” build healthy entitlement, and make self-supporting choices, even when guilt shouts loudly.

Key Takeaways

• Rescuing often masks self-abandonment learned in childhood; guilt can keep you stuck. 
• “Too much empathy” without objective distance leads to empathic distress and burnout. 
• Ask: Am I a partner or a parent/therapist/saviour in this dynamic?
• Build healthy entitlement: your needs matter and boundaries are an act of care. 
• Shift from fixing them to feeling you: journal, re-parent, seek support, and challenge all-or-nothing beliefs. 

Try This (Journal Prompts)

• “If I weren’t rescuing here, what feelings in me would surface?”
• “What belief equates caring for myself with hurting someone else?”
• “Where did I first learn that love = self-sacrifice?”
• “What would healthy reciprocity look like this week (one tangible boundary)?”

Resources Mentioned

• Free Live Masterclass (Sept 10) – The Psychology of Attraction: Why We Bond with Emotionally Unavailable Men (replay available).
• Work with Gemma – Coaching & the Love Wisely program (for women ready to rewrite their love template).

Rate & Review
If this helped you, a quick review on Apple or Spotify helps other women find the show. Thank you for being part of this work.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

 Every past relationship leaves clues.
 Patterns you’ve fallen into.
 The kinds of people you’re drawn to.
 The roles you find yourself playing without even realising it.

In this episode of Healing for Love, I’m walking you through 6 powerful reflection questions to help you see your love life more clearly and prepare you to approach dating in a new way.

These are the same questions I explore with my Love Wisely clients, because when you understand your patterns, you can finally break them.

The 6 Questions:
1️⃣ What patterns keep showing up?
2️⃣ What ‘types’ of partners are you drawn to?
3️⃣ What deeper patterns (schemas) might be playing out?
4️⃣ What role did you take on?
5️⃣ What did you tolerate that you wouldn’t today?
6️⃣ What red flags did you see but explained away?

This isn’t about blame! Don't get self-critical or judgmental, this is just about clarity. Because clarity is the first step to creating a different future in love.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

 Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I walk away sooner?” You’re not alone — and it’s not about weakness or denial. In this episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores seven powerful psychological reasons we tend to ignore red flags in relationships — especially in the early stages.

Drawing on schema therapy, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience, Gemma breaks down why patterns like schema chemistry, abandonment fears, self-doubt, and people-pleasing keep us stuck in emotionally harmful dynamics — even when we know something feels off.

Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on the past, this episode offers deep insight and gentle guidance to help you recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You’ll learn:

• What schema chemistry is — and how it hijacks your attraction radar
• Why self-doubt and schemas like defectiveness or dependence make it hard to trust yourself
• The role of the abandonment schema in keeping you hooked
• How emotional deprivation creates low expectations in love
• Why people-pleasing, guilt, and over-responsibility make it hard to leave
• What it means to rewire your “love template”
• How to start showing up for yourself in new ways

Mentioned in this episode:

• Love Wisely Group Coaching — now closed for enrollment. Join the waitlist here for the next round starting September 2025
• The Red Flag Project Course — our online course to help you break toxic patterns and spot red flags early

✨ Reminder: If this episode resonates with you, follow the show and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Let’s break the cycle — together.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Meet Sophie, a 37-year-old woman who spent years feeling stuck in painful relationship cycles. Like many women I work with, she kept attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic men — despite knowing, deep down, that something wasn’t right.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through Sophie’s journey: from identifying her relational schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, and subjugation), to understanding how her childhood shaped her “love template,” to the powerful moment she made a clear commitment to change.

We’ll explore how she:

• Finally ended a 7-year relationship that drained her emotionally
• Identified red flags and stopped rationalising harm
• Rebuilt self-trust by healing her inner vulnerable child
• Let go of the idea that she had a specific “type”
• Started dating with emotional clarity, rather than fear or old patterns

This transformation is exactly the kind of work we do inside Love Wisely. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” — this episode is for you.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.

From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.

What You'll Learn:

• Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafe
• The role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harm
• How early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instincts
• What trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuse
• Key psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hard
• Why we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generation

Gemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:

• What would I tell my younger self?
• What would I say to a friend in this situation?

👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.

💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In this solo episode, Gemma explores one of the most foundational concepts when it comes to healing relationship patterns—the abandonment schema.

Whether you're currently dating or in a long-term relationship, understanding your own abandonment schema and how it influences your emotions, choices, and reactions is essential for cultivating emotional safety and secure connection.

Gemma explains:

• What the abandonment schema is and how it develops
• How it shows up in dating and relationships (from clingy overcompensation to total avoidance)
• The 3 common coping styles triggered by this schema—and how they quietly sabotage your love life
• Why working with your vulnerable child mode is key to healing the abandonment wound
• 3 powerful reparenting practices to begin calming your inner alarm system and making more grounded, self-honoring choices in love

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

The Red Flag Project – Learn how to break free from toxic relationship patterns – theredflagproject.com
Schema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma Gladstone

Support the show

🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight

🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026

💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle

Connect with Me

🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone

📩[email protected]

🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags! Get Instant Access

🌻 Support the Podcast
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here