Healing For Love

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In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the concept of trauma bonding, shedding light on why some people feel emotionally tethered to unhealthy or toxic relationships. Drawing from listener questions she explores the psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, including the powerful dynamic of the "good-bad ratio" and how it can replicate patterns from childhood.

Gemma also discusses how schemas—such as abandonment, mistrust/abuse, and defectiveness—can make individuals more vulnerable to trauma bonding and highlights the role of manipulative behaviors like love bombing, gaslighting, and boundary-pushing in these relationships.

If you've ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship or felt stuck in cycles of abuse, this episode is essential listening. 

Topics Covered:

• What is a Trauma Bond? How emotional connections form in abusive or toxic relationships.
• The Abuse Cycle: Key stages like love bombing, boundary-pushing, and manipulation that create and reinforce trauma bonds.
• The Role of Schemas: Why unresolved schemas, such as abandonment or mistrust/abuse, make it harder to leave.
• Breaking the Cycle: How understanding the "good-bad ratio" in relationships can help you regain clarity and self-worth.
• Red Flags to Watch For: Love bombing, arrogance, and other warning signs of toxic relationships.
• How to Heal: The importance of schema work, slowing down in relationships, and taking steps toward self-reflection and recovery.

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This episode will resonate with anyone struggling with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to others and those who feel “stuck” in cycles of overgiving. 

In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the self-sacrifice schema, exploring how it manifests, its origins in family dynamics, and the toll it takes on those who constantly prioritize others over themselves. This schema, often seen in people who struggle with setting boundaries, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Gemma delves into the drama triangle—the roles of victim, rescuer, and persecutor—and explains how these dynamics often shape and reinforce the self-sacrifice schema. Additionally, she examines the enmeshment schema, which often appears alongside self-sacrifice, further complicating one’s ability to differentiate personal needs from the needs of others.

Topics covered include:

• Defining the Self-Sacrifice Schema: How it drives people to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even to their detriment.
• Origins of the Schema: Common family dynamics that foster self-sacrifice, such as growing up with an over-entitled or narcissistic parent, or being cast into the rescuer role in the drama triangle.
• The Schema's Impact on Relationships: Why those with a strong self-sacrifice schema often attract self-absorbed partners and struggle to set boundaries.
• Enmeshment and Self-Sacrifice: How enmeshment can fuel self-sacrifice by creating a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and well-being.
• Schemas and Coping Styles: Different coping modes, including surrendering to, avoiding, or overcompensating for the schema.
• The Role of Guilt and Empathic Distress: How these emotions fuel self-sacrifice behaviors and make it difficult to prioritize self-care.
• Practical Exercises: Techniques like chair work to identify core beliefs tied to self-sacrifice and to build a healthier relationship with oneself.

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. 
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

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• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. 
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
• Get the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schema

In this episode, Gemma explores the emotional and psychological barriers that often arise when dating. Whether you’re re-entering the dating scene or currently navigating it, this episode will help you identify and manage common sources of anxiety.

Topics discussed:

1. Fear of rejection or judgment
2. Pressure to make a good impression
3. Attachment styles and schemas
4. Overthinking and self-criticism
5. Fear of repeating past patterns
6. Cultural and societal expectations
7. Uncertainty of the unknown
8. Physical and mental effects of anxiety

Throughout the episode, Gemma offers mindset shifts and practical tips to help you feel more calm, confident, and authentic in your dating journey.

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

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Exciting Announcement - Join Our New Group Coaching Program

Exciting News: Join Our New Group Coaching Program for Women –
Date Differently - Secure your place now - SIGN UP BY 26TH OCT AND SAVE!  

Come and join us live for six 90-min group sessions designed to revamp your approach to dating and get you feeling hopeful & confident again!  Plus added bonuses. 

Summary - Introducing our new 6-week online group coaching program for women called Date Differently.  If you're navigating the complexities of dating, struggling with emotionally unavailable partners, or feeling triggered by past patterns, this supportive group coaching experience is designed for you.

The Date Differently program will draw from material in our signature course, The Red Flag Project, which has recently been revamped with new content. This course, hosted on wearebesties.com, covers essential topics like schemas, red flags, and how to avoid emotionally unavailable partners. For anyone joining the Date Differently program, we highly recommends completing the course beforehand (or alongside the group coaching) to get the most out of the sessions.

Key Takeaways:

• Date Differently is a 6-week program starting 6th November, created to help women navigate the dating world with more confidence and self-trust.
• The group sessions will focus on schemas that affect relationship choices, identifying red flags, and making healthier decisions when dating.
• The Red Flag Project course is an essential companion to the coaching program, providing deeper insights into emotional unavailability and dating patterns.

How to Join:

• Date Differently - Group Coaching Program: For more information or to sign up for Date Differently.   SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!

• The Red Flag Project Course: Access the newly revamped course on wearebesties.com/courses. A special discount code is available

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Love Wisely. Something new from Gemma - Express your interest or find out more about joining a special founding round of my new group program - Love Wisely. You can express your interest here.

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Resources for women to break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag r...

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.

They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.

Key Takeaways:

• The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.
• It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.
• Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awareness, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and well-being.

Support the show

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🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50

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💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

How to Connect for relationship & dating content:

• Website: The Red Flag Project
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: theredflagprojectofficial

Summary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.

Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can be a "numbers game," but also treat it as an experiment to learn about yourself and others.
• Be Yourself: Avoid putting on a persona or hiding your needs to please someone else. Authenticity is essential, as it leads to attracting partners who value the real you.
• Recognizing Red Flags Early: Pay attention to early signs of emotional unavailability, such as inconsistent communication or avoidance of meeting in person. Spotting these red flags early can help you avoid wasting time on people who aren't right for you.
• Self-Reflection: When dating, reflect on how you're feeling in each interaction. Are you being yourself, or are you trying to mold yourself to fit someone else’s expectations? Trust your instincts and set healthy boundaries.
• The Importance of Social Support: Dating can be challenging, but having a supportive community makes a big difference. Gemma and Justine announce their upcoming 6-week group coaching program, Date Differently, which brings together women navigating similar dating challenges to share experiences and build self-confidence.

Course mentioned:

• Masterclass – Breaking Free from Love-Traps: Understanding the Science of Schema Chemistry: Learn how to break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns. Sign up for this self-paced course here.

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In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:
  We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.
• Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:
  We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.
• Common Scenarios in Dating:
  We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.
• Reframing the Narrative:
  We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lead to a desired relationship. It's often more about the other person's readiness for commitment.
• Strategies for Healing:
  Practical advice on how to approach dating intentionally and slowly, allowing for emotional healing and self-discovery.
• The Importance of Healthy Boundaries:
  We discuss how setting boundaries can help in finding the right partner and avoiding the pitfalls of casual relationships when seeking something deeper.
• Understanding Male Perspectives:
  Insights into how men may approach relationships differently and how this can affect women's emotional experiences in casual encounters.

Takeaway Messages:

• If you identify with having an abandonment schema, it’s crucial to question whether casual sex aligns with your emotional needs and goals in relationships.
• Building a new narrative around self-worth can lead to healthier dating practices and more fulfilling connections.
• Healing from emotional wounds requires active engagement and sometimes means saying no to casual encounters.

Navigating relationships in today's casual sex culture isn't easy, especially for those with emotional wounds. A conscious approach to dating—taking things slow and understanding your needs—is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!

In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.

Gemma and Justine guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.

Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.

Topics discussed:

• Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.
• Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.
• Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection, or avoidance of difficult topics are often red flags for emotional unavailability—even when a partner seems attentive in other areas.
• The role of schemas: How an abandonment schema can lead to self-doubt, causing us to overlook or minimize important warning signs.
• Balancing green and red flags: Why even a relationship filled with positive traits can be problematic if subtle, but significant, red flags are undermining emotional intimacy and trust.

This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating the complexities of dating, especially if you're finding it difficult to interpret mixed signals. Justine and Gemma remind us that trusting your gut and recognizing your schemas can help you make clearer, more empowered decisions in relationships.

Information about private coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine email us: [email protected]

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Special Announcements:

• New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
• Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here.  Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE

In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.
• The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.
• Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.
• Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeper connection.
• Healing and Moving Forward: Gemma and Justine encourage setting boundaries and communicating needs clearly, while also doing the inner work to heal the wounded child. This helps avoid reinforcing harmful emotional patterns and promotes healthier relationships.

Tips for Listeners:

• Recognize Your Emotional Needs: If casual sex leaves you feeling hurt or triggered, it’s essential to acknowledge the role your abandonment schema may be playing.
• Be Honest With Yourself: Are you hoping for something more from your partner? It’s crucial to recognize when you’re longing for a deeper emotional connection that the other person may not be able to provide.
• Set Clear Boundaries: If casual sex is not working for you emotionally, it might be time to reassess your boundaries and be upfront about what you want from your relationships.
• Focus on Healing: Work on healing your core abandonment wounds through therapy or self-reflection to reduce vulnerability in intimate situations.

Support the show

🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List

🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50

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💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here