hey, wait

Have you ever felt like you go missing in your own life to keep others comfortable? Fawning is an unconscious survival mechanism rooted in the nervous system that prioritizes someone else's happiness and demands over your own experience and boundaries. This episode features two fawners in recovery exploring how to break that trance, stop performing helpfulness, and start trusting your own internal compass.

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a therapist with a PhD in private practice and the author of the deeply personal book Fawning. She works with survivors of complex childhood trauma and brings deep insight into relational trauma, healing, and the messy, slow work of learning to unfawn.

In this episode, Jay and Dr. Ingrid discuss: ► The crucial difference between genuine kindness or empathy and a fawning response driven by self-abandonment. ► Why chronic fawners often see other people's relational red flags as on-ramps to their own helpfulness. ► How clients, therapists, and coaches often unknowingly fawn with each other during professional sessions. ► How to tell the difference between staying in an asymmetrical relationship to do genuine healing work versus repeating a cycle of re-traumatization. ► The complexities of the "Let Them" theory and how it can sometimes embolden a trauma response instead of setting healthy boundaries.

Learn more about Dr. Ingrid Clayton ► Substack: https://ingridclaytonphd.substack.com/ ► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ►DIY Online Course to Support Unfawning: https://jaymoonfields.com/yours-truly ► 1:1 Coaching: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► Book: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

CreditsThis podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

Have you ever wondered why it can be so hard to stay in your body during moments of intimacy? This episode explores the deep connection between your nervous system, your body, and your capacity for pleasure.

Lisa West is a physical therapist, bodyworker, and yoga practitioner of over 30 years and the author of the book Follow the Feeling, A Roadmap to Emotional Freedom.

She has worked with clients navigating midlife, chronic pain, and trauma and brings deep insight into sexual medicine, pelvic health, and nervous system regulation.

In this episode, Jay and Lisa discuss:

► The shift from constant upward, productive energy to honoring the downward-flowing energy (apana vayu) of the body.

► Why arousal requires a baseline parasympathetic (relaxed) state and how to find the sweet spot of flow between relaxation and stimulation.

► The misconception that pain during sex or pelvic exams is normal, and how pelvic floor physical therapy can help.

► The truth about women's arousal, including the fact that only about 30% of women can orgasm from penetration alone.

► Simple, fluid movements and grounding practices—like softening the jaw to access the pelvis—that help you stay present and connected to yourself.

Learn more about Lisa West

► Website: https://lisawestwellness.com

► Instagram: @LisaYogini

► Other links: Follow the Feeling on Amazon and courses on Teachable

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com

► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/

► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B

► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching

► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA.

For podcast support, contact: [email protected]

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

People pleasing, perfectionism and codependence, oh my! Are you exhausted from constantly managing the people around you and performing for safety? If so, this is the episode you need if you want to stop looking outward for validation and actually feel safe being yourself.

Beatriz Victoria Albina is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Somatic Coach, and the author of the bestselling book End Emotional Outsourcing. She has worked with humans socialized as women looking to regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, and brings deep insight into untangling codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing.

In this episode, Jay and Bea discuss: ► What "emotional outsourcing" really means and how it's a shame-free replacement term for codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits. ► The sneaky mixed nervous system state of "functional freeze," where you might look like an impressive, highly productive overachiever on the outside but are totally frozen to your feelings on the inside. ► Why you need to stop viewing these behaviors as individual character flaws and start celebrating them as the brilliant childhood survival skills they once were. ► How performing for self-worth and living in a constant state of panic might literally be messing with your poop and digestion (because science!). ► The game-changing difference between being self-aware and being self-referential, plus a sweet little somatic grounding practice to help you reconnect with the earth.

Learn more about Beatriz Victoria Albina ► Website: https://beatrizalbina.com/ ► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp ► YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@beavictoriaalbina ► Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminist-wellness/id1454980022 ► End Emotional Outsourcing Book: https://bookshop.org/p/books/end-emotional-outsourcing-how-to-overcome-your-codependent-perfectionist-and-people-pleasing-habits-beatriz-victoria-albina-np-mph-sep/54b675f3d3e5154a?ean=9781538766439&next=t

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com ► Yours Truly Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/yours-truly (Code heywait-100 for $100 off!) ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► Coaching: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

I used to think I was just "bad with money." After my divorce at 23, I walked away from everything and gave my ex-husband all my savings out of guilt, stepping into a money story defined by debt, scarcity, and shame. But now I understand that my problem wasn't a lack of financial literacy—it was financial trauma, and if you've ever felt a tightness in your chest when checking your bank account, or felt anxiety even though you have "enough" on paper, this episode explores how your relationship with money is often actually about safety, identity, and your nervous system trying to protect you.

Rahkim Sabree is a financial therapist, Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC®), Trauma of Money Certified Practitioner, TEDx Speaker, and the author of Overcoming Financial Trauma. He has worked with individuals, corporate teams, HR professionals, and financial advisors, and brings deep insight into bridging the gap between financial literacy and trauma-informed care.

In this episode, Jay and Rahkim discuss:

► Why financial advice often feels incomplete, and the difference between financial therapy and financial planning.

► Why you're not "bad with money"—and why your perceived "bad decisions" are actually normal nervous system responses to abnormal circumstances.

► How fight, flight, freeze, and fawn show up in your daily money behaviors, from overworking to actively avoiding your bank account.

► The ways jobs, hustle culture, and entrepreneurial ventures can reinforce financial trauma.

► What it sounds like to actually set financial boundaries, talk about money more honestly, and find healing in community rather than isolation.

Learn more about Rahkim Sabree

►Instagram: @rahkimsabree ►Website: Overcomingfinancialtrauma.com ►Substack: Rahkimsabree.substack.com

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

When life gets overwhelmingly "lifey," your nervous system might be sending you signals of perceived danger and threat. This episode explores the power of pausing to track the physical sensations happening in your body and offers a simple path to reconnect with the quiet, peaceful trust inside you.

Jay Moon Fields is a coach and educator specializing in nervous system regulation and somatic awareness. She has worked extensively with successful professionals (who are also just ordinary people) to help them realign with their essential selves by first meeting themself at the physiological level.

In this episode, Jay discusses:

► How to reconnect to trust when everything feels uncertain and you are consumed by fear

► The specific imagery that brings her back to a sense of calm every damn time

► How to track your nervous system in real time by paying attention to bodily sensations

► The distinct patterns of thoughts, physical sensations, and behaviors associated with the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn stress responses

►A moment to reconnect with a sense of okness in your body

► Why the world desperately needs more regulated nervous systems right now and how you can be a part of it

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Learn more about Jay's Programs

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com

► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/

► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B

► Coaching: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching

► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast?

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

You have pyrobably heard it your whole life: "You're too sensitive." If you feel things deeply, get overwhelmed easily, and notice every detail of everything, you might be wondering why you process the world with such extraordinary depth. Today we explore what it actually means to be a Highl Sensitive Person (HSP) and why it is a neurophysiological trait rather than a stress response.

Muriel Kosovsky is a business owner and coach who has worked internationally for over two decades as a teacher, senior leader, and mentor to support highly sensitive leaders and contributors navigating the workplace. She's the author of the forthcoming book, HSPedia, a comprehensive blueprint for highly sensitive people.

In this episode, Jay and Muriel Kosovsky discuss:

► The four levels of sensitivity that can be activated in highly sensitive people

► Why many HSPs struggle at work—and the kinds of support that actually help

► The non-negotiable qualities HSPs need for relationships to be sustainable and healthy

► The surprising variant of HSP that craves intensity, adventure, and even danger

► The one quality successful HSPs tend to organize their lives around

Learn more about Muriel Kosovsky ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/murielkosovsky/ ► Book waitlist and newsletter: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe9ByfcCz2jio8OxKhzWI68LxxfGKr6w3QUEXLUbQ2Fey1jFw/viewform

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

Lily Shepard walks (and dances) her talk. She's a trauma-informed movement educator and somatic stress relief practitioner who teaches women how to live and lead from their bodies, not just their heads or conditioning. We discuss what happens when you realise you have been taught to perform as a person, and how to transition from performing your life to actually living it. Discover practical tools for learning how to use your body as an ally, overcoming being fragmented by the different roles you play, and claiming your birthright to pleasure.

In this episode, Jay and Lily discuss: ► Why real power isn't a perfect performance and how movement aids self-expression and healing ► How exhausting it is to negotiate your presence in multiple roles and how to move fluidly between them ► Practical exercises for arriving, grounding yourself when entering a room, and staying present ► Why optimising life can kill pleasure, and why it's about small daily moments rather than Instagram-worthy experiences ► How to avoid becoming the sum total of the expectations of everyone around you

Learn more about Lily Shepard

► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bodyintelligence_academy ► Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lily-shepard/ ► Lily is giving away 3 free copies of her audio book Pleasure Principles for Driven Women to the first 3 people who reach out to her on IG or through email.

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question or suggestion for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For podcast support, contact: [email protected]For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

What happens when the path you've been told to follow starts to feel intolerable?

In this episode, we explore the uncomfortable space of not knowing what's next and the courage it takes to choose what actually delights you instead. Jay and Sasha dive into the friction between cultural expectations of consistency and the messy, multifaceted reality of a life lived in alignment with one's curiosity.

Sasha has done a lot of different things. She's published 3 books—two on cheese and one on menopause. She's been a project manager, cheesemonger, podcaster, shopkeeper, restaurant manager, human resources assistant, copywriter and book coach. Her latest venture is Paper Jam Reuse, which is a reuse project focused on using paper to inspire people to create low-stakes, high-satisfaction creative projects.

Her numerous professional reinventions have given Sasha deep insight into the internal "ick" that signals a need for change.

In this episode, Jay and Sasha discuss:

► Distinguishing between what you think you should want and what actually brings you delight.

► Recognizing the physical and emotional cues that a role or project is no longer aligned.

► Why it's so tempting to reach for crummy opportunities just to avoid the embarrassment of being unmoored.

► How unpredictable bodily changes can destabilize your sense of identity and reality.

► A simple and surprising tool to stay present during moments of overwhelm.

Learn more about Sasha Davies

► Websites: https://paperjamreuse.com https://www.sashadavies.com/

► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paperjamreuse/

► Other links: The Menopause Companion (Book)

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com

► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/

► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B

► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching

► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA.

For collaboration or podcast support, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

Today's episode is about grief. Or at least it starts out that way, but the conversation evolves into being about authenticity, purpose and desire. And weirdly, as you listen, you'll find that these topics make sense together. Because for as heavy and all-encompassing as grief feels while you're in it, it's inseparable from some of the most essential questions in life. Who am I? What am I here to do? And what do I really want?

Uma Girish is a Grief Companion, Human Design guide, and the author of four books, including Sacred Fire: Memoir of a Marriage. She works with women who are grieving a loss and feeling lost, helping them navigate not just the death of a loved one, but the "lower-case losses"—breakups, changing roles, diagnoses, empty nesting, and the years spent not choosing themselves. Uma serves as a compassionate witness, helping women listen to what grief is asking of them and who they are becoming in the process.

In this episode, Jay and Uma discuss:

► Grief as an Identity Reset ► Spiritual Bypassing vs. True Feeling ► The nervous system's and mind's common responses to loss ► Human Design as a Soul Map ► Reclaiming Desire

Learn more about Uma Girish

► Website: https://umagirish.com/► Substack: Light After Loss (via website) ► Book: Sacred Fire: Memoir of a Marriage ► Special Offer: Uma is offering a free 20-minute Human Design Highlights reading to the first two listeners who email her with their birth details.

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► Coaching Program: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For collaboration or podcast support, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant

Have you ever felt like your nervous system is pressing the gas pedal and the brake at the same time? In the first solo episode of Season Two, Jay explores the often-overlooked "Fawn" stress response, a survival strategy that prioritizes connection over authenticity. If you find yourself shape-shifting to please others or losing touch with your own needs to keep the peace, this episode will help you understand that it isn't a personality flaw; it's your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

Jay Moon Fields is a somatic coach, author, and the host of Hey Wait. She works with people who struggle to stay connected to themselves while connecting with others, bringing deep insight into nervous system regulation, embodiment, and "unfawning."

In this episode, Jay discusses:

► The "Hey, Wait" Tool: Using two simple words as a reset button to interrupt default patterns and reorient to your own needs. ► Defining the Fawn Response: Understanding the fourth stress response (alongside fight, flight, and freeze) as "responding to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat." ► The High-Functioning Fawner: Why fawning often hides in plain sight, looking like competence, empathy, and success on the outside while feeling like numbness and resentment on the inside. ► A Personal Confession: Jay shares a vulnerable (and slightly ridiculous) story about fawning at the airport with her husband. ► The Path to "Unfawning": An introduction to the steps required to heal, including nervous system regulation, reparenting, and parts work.

If you're interested in learning more about Jay's signature online program, Yours Truly, that teaches you the steps to heal fawning, visit https://jaymoonfields.com/yours-truly. Use the code heywait-100 at checkout to receive $100 off your registration.

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/ ► Books: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B ► 1:1 Coaching: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching ► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

Have a question for the podcast? Send it in — it may be featured in a future episode.

Credits

This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA. For collaboration or podcast support, contact: [email protected]

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant