January 09, 2025

How Childhood Trauma Shows Up in Our Adult Relationships: Episode 148

29 minutes

Exploring Terry Real's Us: Healing Through Connection and Recognizing the Inner Child

Episode Summary:
In this episode, Amanda, Laura, and Kendra continue their mini-series based on Terry Real's book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. The focus is on recognizing how the "adaptive child" shows up in relationships, understanding the concept of relational trauma, and learning how to move toward healthier, more connected relationships. This deep dive explores the impact of past experiences on present behaviors and how to intentionally shift away from maladaptive patterns.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

Understanding the Adaptive Child:

How childhood coping mechanisms develop to protect us.

Why these mechanisms often sabotage adult relationships.

Identifying when your adaptive child is triggered.

Trauma and Its Effects:

The difference between Big T Trauma and Little t trauma.

How even good parents can unintentionally pass down wounds.

The concept of relational trauma and its generational impact.

The Relationship Grid:

Terry Real's trauma and relationship grid explained.

How grandiosity, boundaries, and self-esteem interact in relationships.

Recognizing where you tend to fall on the grid during conflict.

Practical Strategies for Healing and Growth:

How to nurture your inner child and develop your wise adult self.

Tools to help you shift from reactive states to a place of connection.

The importance of intentionality in countering society’s individualistic bias.

Key Quotes:

"The only person who can consistently nurture and support your inner child is you."

"Real maturity comes when we tend to our inner children ourselves and don’t inflict them on our partners to care for."

"Awareness is the first step to change. Once you become aware of your tendencies, the threshold for healthier relationships becomes lower."

Actionable Takeaways:

Reflect on your adaptive child’s tendencies by asking:

Who did I see this from?

Who did it to me?

Who did I do it to, and no one stopped me?

Practice recognizing triggers and responding with grace and self-compassion.

Use Terry Real’s relationship grid to identify patterns and set goals for moving toward the center of health in relationships.

Resources Mentioned:

Terry Real's book: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Episode 135: How to Do Repairs with Your Children.

Free video: How to Crush Physician Burnout for Good Without Cutting Back Hours, Quitting Medicine, or Sucking Up in Silence – Click Here to Watch.

Link to the Relationship Grid.

Get Involved:

Share your insights and experiences! Email us at [email protected].

Leave us a 5-star review with a sentence or two—your feedback helps other doctors find us and builds our community.

Closing Notes:
You are whole, you are a gift to medicine, and the work you do matters. Until next time, remember that healing and connection are always possible.

If you found this episode valuable, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with a friend who might benefit!

Resources:

Link to Grid

Link to Us Book

Link to Free Session

Link to Free Video

...more

View all episodes

By Drs. Cazier, Dinsmore and Morrison

4.9

5555 ratings