Are you struggling to connect with your teen? It might feel like your efforts to build trust and communication are falling short. In this episode, Dr. Cam is joined by Kristen Duke, a trusted mentor who specializes in helping parents navigate the challenges of raising teens. Kristen shares valuable insights into common pitfalls parents face in their relationships with teens and provides practical strategies for building trust, fostering open communication, and strengthening the parent-teen bond.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

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RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

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TRANSCRIPT SUMMARY

Dr. Cam introduces Kristen Duke as a trusted mentor specializing in supporting parents through the challenges of raising teenagers. Kristen will discuss common pitfalls in parenting relationships and share strategies to foster trust and strengthen connections with teens.

Kristen Duke shares her inspiration for becoming a mentor, noting that she saw a lot of pain in mothers and wanted to address the gap in conversations about raising teenagers.

Dr. Cam asks about the biggest struggles parents face with teenagers. Kristen believes it's the conflict between parental expectations and what teenagers actually want to do.

Kristen emphasizes the importance of the relationship with the teenager and the goal of helping parents become more trusted.

She explains that parents can often feel when they are crossing a line with their teens by observing their reactions, like cold shoulders and eye rolls. While there's an element of typical teenage behavior, parents' reactions can escalate issues.

Dr. Cam uses the analogy of "quicksand" to describe how trust can quickly erode with teens. Kristen's mission is to help parents shift their perspective and avoid this.

Kristen talks about how parents sometimes assume their teens will trust them based on past relationships, but teenagers' desire for independence changes this dynamic.

Dr. Cam and Kristen discuss the concept of a "gentler" or "intentional parenting" approach, clarifying that it is not about being a doormat but rather the opposite of being harsh. Kristen identifies with the idea of being a "trusted" parent, where the ultimate goal is for the teenager to feel safe talking to them and open to their advice.

Dr. Cam asks about specific things parents do that unknowingly push their teens away and erode trust. Kristen refers to these as "parenting blind spots."

Kristen shares examples of her own "freak-out" moments, like reacting negatively to her son's frustrations with a friend or her daughter's social anxiety, which closed off communication. She realized these moments were breaking trust.

Kristen highlights the importance of asking teenagers if they want advice before offering it, as giving unsolicited advice can damage trust. Respecting their "no" is crucial for building trust.

Another blind spot Kristen mentions is "shoulding" on teenagers—using the word "should" in directives or suggestions.

Kristen emphasizes that "feedback is a gift" and encourages parents to be open to hearing their teens' perspectives. Consistency in changing behavior is key to rebuilding trust. Forcing or trying to convince a teen to trust you is ineffective. Instead, parents should try to understand why their teen doesn't trust them.

Apologizing is another important aspect of building trust. Parents don't need to apologize for having rules but can apologize for their own reactions.

Kristen stresses the importance of trying to understand the reason behind a teen's behavior rather than just punishing it. Punishing without understanding creates disconnection and frustration.

While Kristen focuses on parents of teenagers, she wishes preteen parents would also take notice of these principles, as it can create a smoother transition. It's never too late to build trust, though it might take more effort in challenging situations.

Kristen clarifies that while she generally advises against excessive rules and punishments, there are situations—like dangerous behavior—where intervention is necessary. However, even in those cases, the focus should eventually shift towards teaching and understanding.

Kristen and Dr. Cam discuss how the "rebellious teenager" stereotype is not the only path through adolescence, and positive relationships are possible. Often, defiance is a reaction to how the teen is being treated.

Kristen's goal is to have a relationship with her children where they feel safe and trusted, even if they make choices she doesn't agree with. A trusted relationship allows teens to feel safe even when they mess up.

Kristen challenges the parental goal of just wanting their child to be "happy," suggesting it puts a lot of pressure on the child. She also highlights the disconnecting phrase, "I'm just trying to help." Instead, she suggests focusing on wanting them to live a fulfilling or authentic life that normalizes difficulties.

Kristen shares her Instagram handle (@KristenDukeChats) and information about her monthly membership, Team Trusted, and her free intentional connection playbook with 10 ways to grow connection, including the "Rosebud and Thorn" family dinner discussion.

Kristen emphasizes normalizing challenges and responding to them without "freaking out." She also suggests simple connection activities like watching TV together without pressure to talk.

ABOUT THE SHOW

The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.