Ask Rachel anything

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! 

Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button:

My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a dunce! Is it digital distraction? Is it common? I searched your shows and could not find any record of this being discussed. 

Episode About:

Concentration and Choices:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/

The Disengaged Teen:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

There's been a dramatic increase in reports of grooming, sextortion and AI generated child sexual abuse material in recent years, and most parents believe politicans and technology companies aren't doing enough to protect kids.

The UK government recently announced that makers of AI chatbots that put children at risk will face massive fines or even see their services blocked in the UK under law changes.

And the French offices of Elon Musk's X were recently raided by the Paris prosecutor's cyber-crime unit, as part of an investigation into suspected offences including complicity in the possession of child sexual abuse material (CSAM). 

Four in five EU citizens support requiring online service providers to detect, report and remove child sexual abuse material, but while governments and technology companies wrangle over a fast-developing issue, we parents need accurate information and support on how best to keep our kids safe if they are online. 

The Internet Watch Foundation has been around for 30 years and works alongside the UK charity Childline to protect children who have been affected, by offering emotional support and a means of tagging and removing images that predators use to extort and make money online.

THE BEST PROTECTION:

Keep devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms.

Read my devices guide, with links to all of the relevant episodes, here

Top tips from this episode

KEY RESOURCES:

• TALK resource 
• Report Remove tool  
• Create a Family Agreement
• UK Safer Internet Centre website - https://saferinternet.org.uk/
• Internet Matters website https://www.internetmatters.org/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

My kids went through a series of friendship bust-ups when they were young teens; it's inevitable. It's an amazing time of learning about themselves, discovering where their values lie, and learning that everyone makes mistakes. 

My kids have told me that one of the best things I've done is to show them my own mistakes, and apologise wholeheartedly when I do mess up. They say it's made them feel much better about their struggles because it's allowed them to have a vision of being a human who doesn't have to be perfect. 

My substack:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com

My two top takeways are:

Help your kids see the difference between the 'doing' and the 'doer'. Our kids are learning how cope in a very complicated world so they are definitely going to make some really dumb mistakes and do what seem to be terrible things. Those things don't mean they are a bad person, they mean they are a human who is still learning. We can help them by being careful with our own language at home. Don't call them lazy, say you don't like that they didn't do the thing they said they'd  do. 

Show your kids that nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes; it's what we do about them that defines us. Apologising when we do mess up is one of the greatest superpowers we can develop.

The episode about friendships with Megan Saxelby:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/friendship-struggles?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Mattering is a deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?

The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need. 

She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children. 

Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships. 

She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children.

FIND JENNIFER HERE:

https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/

BUY MATTERING HERE:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fX3Q4Kd

FIND RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/you-matter-no-matter-what?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

• Mattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.
• The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.
• Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.
• Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.
• Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.
• Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.
• Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.
• Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.
• Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Camilla asked if I could do a short recap of the things we’ve talked about on the podcast that will help us help our kids most. So here it is! 

Now, tell me what you want for next week.

Click this link for a list of the top tips:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/helping-our-kids-with-their-exam?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

When Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. 

Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? 

Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. 

Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism. 

Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.  

Dr Joshua Coleman:

Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/

https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estranged

https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/

Teenagers Untangled Community Substack:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

For all of the tips click here:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-body

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-their?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer

A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. 

An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. 

Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.

Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.

Resources:

https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teens
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor 
I Thought it was just me by Brené Brown

Previous episode:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/

Chores: 

Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.

The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

For the full explanation click this link to my Substack:

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/p-187427201?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web

Old episodes on manners:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!  

Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.

In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse.

The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%.

We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline.

Megan Saxelby:

https://wildfeelings.substack.com/ 

Rachel's Substack:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/

The Study:

https://www.nature.com/articles/s44220-022-00009-5

This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Come and join the community! 

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled

I watched my daughter switch to a new laptop and melt down; not because she couldn’t learn, but because she didn’t have the bandwidth. 

And it hit me: we can cope well with change when we are relaxed and don’t have too much on our plates, but when we are working at the limits of our abilities change can feel overwhelming. 

It’s easy to think that our brains like to work, but solving problems takes huge amounts of energy so our brains are actually designed to create habits as quickly as possible to reduce the loss of precious resources. 

My daugter’s experience made me think about how we rely on small habits the way we rely on hotkeys. When we lose them, everything feels harder, when we build them into everyday family life they can actively reduce our stress and improve our connection.

So this week my suggestion is to think about your routines; not rigid ones that you use to beat yourself up about (the should version) but anchors and hotkeys.

Here are 4 ideas that can make family life calmer:

1. Micro-habits that smooth the day, having a bowl where everyone puts their keys, reinforcing the small habits like putting the milk back in the fridge.
2. A regular “we come together” moment during the week; whether it’s Sunday lunch, or Saturday morning brunch, elevenses, ‘film Friday’ or supper time.
3. Being clear that dinner isn’t just a time when we eat, it’s a way to share our lives and our space.
4. If the way you like to do things doesn’t seem to work for your teen try something different that might better fit their brain

What anchors do you use in your household? I’d LOVE to hear your suggestions and tips.

Old episode about reducing nagging using habits:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk