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I watched my daughter switch to a new laptop and melt down; not because she couldn’t learn, but because she didn’t have the bandwidth. 

And it hit me: we can cope well with change when we are relaxed and don’t have too much on our plates, but when we are working at the limits of our abilities change can feel overwhelming. 

It’s easy to think that our brains like to work, but solving problems takes huge amounts of energy so our brains are actually designed to create habits as quickly as possible to reduce the loss of precious resources. 

My daugter’s experience made me think about how we rely on small habits the way we rely on hotkeys. When we lose them, everything feels harder, when we build them into everyday family life they can actively reduce our stress and improve our connection.

So this week my suggestion is to think about your routines; not rigid ones that you use to beat yourself up about (the should version) but anchors and hotkeys.

Here are 4 ideas that can make family life calmer:

1. Micro-habits that smooth the day, having a bowl where everyone puts their keys, reinforcing the small habits like putting the milk back in the fridge.
2. A regular “we come together” moment during the week; whether it’s Sunday lunch, or Saturday morning brunch, elevenses, ‘film Friday’ or supper time.
3. Being clear that dinner isn’t just a time when we eat, it’s a way to share our lives and our space.
4. If the way you like to do things doesn’t seem to work for your teen try something different that might better fit their brain

What anchors do you use in your household? I’d LOVE to hear your suggestions and tips.

Old episode about reducing nagging using habits:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/

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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk