In this episode, my guest is Bill Eddy, a lawyer, licensed therapist, professional mediator, and faculty member at the Pepperdine University School of Law. He specializes in identifying, reducing friction with, and disentangling from high-conflict individuals. We explain how high-conflict personalities differ from personality disorders and examine the cycles of blame and drama that cause persistent conflict in their relationships.

We discuss how to quickly recognize high-conflict individuals based on specific criteria and behaviors, helping listeners learn to spot their less obvious tactics. You’ll also learn how to disengage from them with minimal friction and understand the methods they use to draw people back in or keep conflict alive.

Additionally, we cover effective communication strategies for mediating situations involving high-conflict individuals, emphasizing empathy and problem-solving approaches. This episode equips listeners with tools to navigate conflict in various contexts, promoting resolutions that benefit all parties involved.

Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.

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Timestamps

00:00:00 Bill Eddy

00:02:58 Sponsors: Maui Nui & ExpressVPN

00:06:41 High-Conflict Families, High-Conflict Individuals & Patterns

00:10:48 Personality Disorders, Prevalence & Overlap

00:18:28 High-Conflict Personality vs. Personality Disorders, Blame

00:24:33 High-Conflict Individuals, Tool: First-Year Rule & Commitment

00:30:53 Sponsor: AG1

00:32:05 Relationship Stability, Tool: Vetting Potential Partners

00:38:54 Heightened Emotions, Negative Advocates, Divorce

00:47:50 Brain, Plasticity & Fear; Bullies, Polarization

00:54:51 Sponsors: Function & David

00:58:00 Emotions, Media, Politics

01:04:57 Tool: WEB Method, Identify High-Conflict Individuals

01:12:20 Body Cues, Identify High-Conflict Individuals

01:18:40 Tool: Don’t Label & Empathy; Adapting Your Behavior

01:23:12 High Conflict Personalities & Occupations

01:28:18 Big Personalities: Evidence vs Assumptions

01:37:27 Tool: Leaving a Combative High-Conflict Individual, Blame, Gradual Exit

01:45:41 Exiting a High Conflict Relationship & Timing

01:49:27 Tool: Disentangling from a Victim High-Conflict Individual, “Hoovering”

01:52:32 High Conflict Divorce, Small Families & Parental Estrangement

01:57:01 Tool: Managing Emotions & Relationships, EAR Statements

01:59:52 Large Families & Conflict Resolution

02:04:11 Bullies & Online Social Groups

02:09:18 Personality Disorders, Causes, Culture

02:13:09 Tool: 4 “Fuhgeddaboudits”, Topics to Avoid in High Conflict Resolution

02:19:50 Tool: CARS Method, Connecting & EAR Statements, Analyzing

02:27:03 Tool: CARS Method, Responding & BIFF Response, Setting Limits & SLIC

02:36:40 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Disclaimer & Disclosures