Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Autotech Training and Pico Technology

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Matt wrestles with a lifelong pattern of shame, defensiveness, and downplaying wins—and how naming it (out loud) is helping him show up better at work and at home. This one’s part confessional, part field guide: practical, unglamorous steps for accepting compliments, advocating for your value, and being safer to confront in relationships.

Content note: brief, heartfelt discussion of infant loss (the story of Matt’s son, Benjamin).

Why listen

• If you instinctively swat away compliments or feel “pride” is off-limits, this gives language—and a few reps—to shift that.
• Shops, teams, and families run better when we replace shame/stonewalling with honesty and curiosity.

Highlights

• The “shame tank”: how early patterns trained Matt to equate mistakes with identity (“I did something dumb” → “I am dumb”) and how that fueled resentment cycles with employers and loved ones.
• Stonewall → spill → reset → repeat: the loop that forms when you won’t self-advocate until pressure boils over.
• Compliment deflection ≠ humility: jokes like “you need to get out more” felt safe, but quietly devalued real wins.
• Owning value without arrogance: learning to state what you bring to the table without feeling like your mouth is on fire.
• Two proud moments (finally named):
• Benjamin’s birth: staying present, stopping futile interventions, and making sure mom and family had time with him. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/episode/overcoming-the-loss-of-a-child-finding-a-silver-lining-e035
• Post-divorce boundaries: noticing red flags early and exiting a relationship kindly (growth in real life, not theory).
• Professional growth he’ll actually own: the podcast, teaching, equipment dev/beta, EEPROM/board-level work, and expanding beyond “just drivability.”
• Result of doing the work: markedly better conversations with his boss; marriage moving from “fine” to genuinely “great.”

Practical takeaways

• Language swap: “I did something dumb” ≠ “I am dumb.” Keep identity out of error statements.
• Three-beat compliment drill: Hear it → pause → say “thank you” → full stop. (Joke later if you must.)
• Mini inventory: keep a running note of 3 specific things you did well this week; read it before hard conversations.
• Advocacy prep: write a one-page “value brief” before comp talks: outcomes, examples, and how they helped the shop/client.
• Repair the feedback channel: agree with your partner/teammate on a critique ritual (time, signal word, and goal).
• Get a spotter: a counselor/therapist helps reveal blind spots faster than white-knuckling it alone.

People & mentions

• Bob (AAPEX episode—“shame tank” origin point in prior convo) https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/episode/exploring-relationships-health-and-personal-growth-with-bob-heipp-e109
• Equilibrium Therapy Services — Margaret Light (Minnesota) https://www.equilibriumtherapyservices.org/

Matt’s closing wish

If this hits a little too close to home, good—there’s traction there. Be honest with yourself, let trusted people be honest with you, and get help if you need it. It’s not weakness; it’s a flex.

Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Autotech Training

NAPA Autotech’s team of ASE Master Certified Instructors are conducting over 1,200 classes covering 28 automotive topics. To see a selection, go to napaautotech.com for more details.

Thanks to our Partner, Pico Technology

Are you chasing elusive automotive problems? Pico Technology empowers you to see what's really happening. Their PicoScope oscilloscopes transform your diagnostic capabilities. Pinpoint faults in sensors, wiring, and components with unmatched accuracy. Visit PicoAuto.com and revolutionize your diagnostics today! 

Contact Information

• Email Matt: [email protected]
• Diagnosing the Aftermarket A - Z YouTube Channel
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The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/

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