We’re back after a sneaky two-week break (that we definitely didn’t announce), and Terry is blaming David for the classic “Saturday night laptop ambush” that nearly ends in the computer going out the window.

Terry recaps her absolute whirlwind: Cassie’s wild Ibiza hen, last-minute Cannes chaos, a designer dress literally falling apart, and walking the red carpet for Sol de Janeiro while trying not to become that influencer on the stairs. David, meanwhile, accidentally bumps into Heidi Klum and has a full “Jerry Springer at the bar” moment.

Plus: Portugal stag aftermath, green smoke in the house, a milky paddling pool, and the weekly war on washing.