One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.”

Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything else about what was going on.

I mean what was I going to say, “No they don’t. Everyone else is perfect.”

Or - “Oh really? Tell me what issues you have.” And then try to make light of their situation.

When these words would come out of someone else's mouth, I felt completely unheard. And that no matter what I said from here, I was going to sound desperate and petty, like a constant complainer, never happy.

The message that was communicated to me was that no one was perfect. I wanted to scream, I don't want perfect! That's not what I was after. I did not know the words at the time, but I know them now. I just wanted normal.

Doctor Ramani video referenced in this episode

https://youtu.be/Bj5hVoaiKFw?feature=shared

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 

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Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

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