Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Hey friends! Welcome back to Joyful Courage – a conscious parenting podcast, where we get real and raw about the parenting journey. You have tuned in to another SUMMER SERIES EPISODE!! This week I am bringing back my conversation with Kim Muench. Kim has been on the show a couple of times, but this episode we dig into how the parenting teens experience can really feel like a tight rope walk. Consider the content of LAST WEEK’s show, I thought it would be helpful to share this conversation.

Kim is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

- When children arrive at adolescence - The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens - Choosing your battles - Defining your family values - Setting an example for your kids - Defining non-negotiables - Ways to offer choices to your teenager - Detaching from the outcome - Prioritizing personal care and personal development - The illusion of control - Individuation and what that can look like - Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol - Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer - Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach - Taking a long view to your relationship with your kids

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful Courage means to me enthusiastically embracing and supporting the journey of our sons and daughters that have come into the world to live out their journey. Supporting and encouraging them with enthusiasm. And I love the two words together, I think it’s fantastic.

Resources:

Episode 82: Tweens and Smart Phones

Where to find:

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Facebook Group Real Life Parenting Community

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I am bringing back my conversation with Liz Blackwell-Moore from episode 128. Liz and I go deep into the conversation of substance use and abuse and how to be in relationship with our kids while also navigating the very real decisions they may or may not decide to make. I know, this topic is tough. We all want our kid to be safe and healthy…. And we all feel the fear around the very real risks some of them take. This conversation is powerful and left me feeling more grounded about this super intense part of the parenting teens journey. Check it out.

I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to.

Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems.

So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful. She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy.

Resources: https://the20minuteguide.com/ http://www.drugfree.org/

Good reading on the teen brain: Dan Siegel Brainstorm Francis Jensen The Teenage Brain

Links for young people: http://www.teen.drugabuse.gov/ *This is National Institute of Drug Abuse website for teens

http://www.protectwhatsnext.com/ *This is a website out of Colorado for young people specifically about marijuana use

Where to find Liz:

Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction) Linked in

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::

Today I am bringing back my conversation with Liz Blackwell-Moore from episode 128. Liz and I go deep into the conversation of substance use and abuse and how to be in relationship with our kids while also navigating the very real decisions they may or may not decide to make. I know, this topic is tough. We all want our kid to be safe and healthy…. And we all feel the fear around the very real risks some of them take. This conversation is powerful and left me feeling more grounded about this super intense part of the parenting teens journey. Check it out.

Alright - My guest today is Liz Blackwell-Moore. I connected with Liz through my friend, and one of your fave podcast guests, Julietta Skoog from besproutable.com. I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to.

Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems.

So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful.  She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy.

• Liz shares about her early work with people involved with substance abuse and was drawn to exploring prevention work
• How can we make “systems” (including the family) better for young people, with more support in their lives?
• What the “risk taking years” feels like, according to Casey
• Liz shares her moms’ analogy of the two boats
• Adolescent brain development
  • It’s like a house being build bottom up
  • Built through interactions and the environment kids experience
  • Reward center develops first – ready to go, “volume turned up”
  • Front, logical part of brain not fully developed, and not integrated
  • W/o the desire to try new things, how would they ever leave home??
• The perception and science of marijuana and adolescence
  • National Academy of Sciences – research on the research
    • Young people using
      • Impacts learning and memory
      • Significant effects on mental health
        • “Regular use” – once every 30 days
        • 2xs more likely to become depressed
        • 3xs more likely to have suicidal thoughts
        • Kids with MH issues are more likely to use/self-medicate
      • Initially make people feel calm/relaxed
        • Brain likes to do what’s easy so eventually wants more
      • What about vaping
        • Tobacco companies are SO LAME – trying to suck in kids
        • Some kids just the flavoring
          • Not regulated – we don’t know what is in it
        • Lots of kids ARE putting nicotine and weed into the vape
      • All drugs impact the reward center of the brain – putting young people at a greater risk of addiction later in life
        • Rewires/primes the brain for addiction
      • How do we get them to wait????
      • Relationship is the most powerful tool we have… Share our values… AND – THEY HAVE CRAZY REWARD CENTERS!!! GAH!!!
        • Be present, listen, develop a strong relationship
        • Set clear expectations – bring it up in a variety of ways
        • Continue to bring it back to what their goals are, how might risky behavior get in the way?
        • Help them to “see” the bigger picture
        • Restorative practices: Hold them accountable while offering support
          • What are you getting out of this?
          • What were you thinking?
          • How else can you get thrills?
          • Social connection?
          • Is this a mental health issue?
        • Having these conversations REQUIRES the adults to be in solid relationship with their kids
        • Also, our stuff shows up and gets in the way – fear, rigidity
        • Ok to say, “this is disappointing” “this is hard for me” – they need to know how they are impacting their parents
        • Teens aren’t great with nuance
        • SLEEP MATTERS!!
        • Natural consequences are powerful
        • Boundaries are MESSY
        • How do we balance nurture and structure?? It’s a dance
        • How do we know when it really is a problem?
          • Major changes in physical appearance
          • Personality
          • Participation
          • Peer group changes
          • Public image has changed
        • org – online resources
        • 20-minute guide – helping parents use motivational interviewing 20inuteguide.com
        • Find your people!
        • There is uncertainty and change AND we all have flexible, learning brains – we can be resilient!!

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

For me it means trying to see those amazing things that are happening as you move through adolescence – having the courage to stick with your values and follow our instincts…

Resources:
https://the20minuteguide.com/
http://www.drugfree.org/

Good reading on the teen brain:
Dan Siegel Brainstorm
Francis Jensen The Teenage Brain

Links for young people:
http://www.teen.drugabuse.gov/
*This is National Institute of Drug Abuse website for teens

http://www.protectwhatsnext.com/
*This is a website out of Colorado for young people specifically about marijuana use

Where to find Liz:

Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction)
Linked in

:::::

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Today we are going wayyyyy back to revisit Episode 21, my conversation with Jessica Lahey about what it means to be an “autonomy supportive” parents.

This was such a powerful revisit for me, four years later, as my kids settle into the teen years and all the challenges and celebrations they get to navigate. I would love to take away the pain and confusion that comes with this time – AND I know that my kids will have their deepest learning through experience…

Such a great conversation!

Jessica Lahey is smart and funny and real when it comes to talking straight up about how we rob our kids of their future when we protect the from failure...

It doesn't matter if they are in the sandbox or a high school classroom, our kids only learn the tools for relationship, empathy and resiliency when we (parents) allow them the gift of discomfort, making mistakes and yes, failure.

Listen in to this candid conversation and consider where you could pull back a bit, where you could allow your kids a little bit more room to learn from their missteps, to own when they've hurt someone, to problem solve it when they've left their homework or lunch at home (again!)...

We all love our kids, we want them to grow into the fullest, best versions of themselves, sometimes that requires us to back off and let them figure some things out... You may be surprised by just how capable they are!

Mentions:

The book: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey The article in the Atlantic that started it all: Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail Why Back to School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom Glennon Doyle Melton on momastry.com  How to Raise and Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::

Today we are going wayyyyy back to revisit Episode 21, my conversation with Jessica Lahey about what it means to be an “autonomy supportive” parents.

This was such a powerful revisit for me, four years later, as my kids settle into the teen years and all the challenges and celebrations they get to navigate. I would love to take away the pain and confusion that comes with this time – AND I know that my kids will have their deepest learning through experience…

Such a great conversation!

Jessica Lahey is smart and funny and real when it comes to talking straight up about how we rob our kids of their future when we protect the from failure...

It doesn't matter if they are in the sandbox or a high school classroom, our kids only learn the tools for relationship, empathy and resiliency when we (parents) allow them the gift of discomfort, making mistakes and yes, failure.

Listen in to this candid conversation and consider where you could pull back a bit, where you could allow your kids a little bit more room to learn from their missteps, to own when they've hurt someone, to problem solve it when they've left their homework or lunch at home (again!)...

We all love our kids, we want them to grow into the fullest, best versions of themselves, sometimes that requires us to back off and let them figure some things out...  You may be surprised by just how capable they are!

Mentions:

The book: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey
The article in the Atlantic that started it all: Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail
Why Back to School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom
Glennon Doyle Melton on momastry.com 
How to Raise and Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine

:::::

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::

Today we are going to revisit Episode 138, my conversation with Genevieve Simperingham about what peaceful parenting during the teen years looks like.

Genevieve Simperingham is a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!

“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”

“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”

What you’ll hear in this episode: 

• What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches.
• The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach
• Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting
• The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity
• The biggest hang-ups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers
• Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset
• Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework
• Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict?
• Reducing power struggles and rebellion
• Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices
• Reconnecting to move past conflict

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.

Resources:

Aware parenting

Where to find Genevieve:

The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group
Facebook
Website

:::::

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Today we are going to revisit Episode 138, my conversation with Genevieve Simperingham about what peaceful parenting during the teen years looks like.

Genevieve Simperingham is a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!

“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”

“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”

What you’ll hear in this episode: 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.

Resources:

Aware parenting

Where to find Genevieve:

The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group Facebook Website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s show is a revisit of Episode 57, my conversation with Sharon Ballantine.

With 3 children to parent, Sharon turned to books for help with parenting, but she never had the time to read and process the information in the books. So, with no other options available to her, she decided to rely on her own intuition and her own Internal Guidance System for parenting. She began using this technique and the law of attraction to manifest exactly what she wanted as a parent. In this episode, Sharon shares exactly how she made it all happen!

Sharon Ballantine is a Parenting and Life Coach and Founder of the Ballantine Parenting Institute. Her book, The Art of Blissful Parenting, guides parents with practical as well as spiritual advice in raising their children. It also guides parents on how to get into alignment, discover and use their own IGS before they can teach their children.

In this episode Sharon also discusses:

Resources Mentioned on the Show:

 The Secret - Rhonda Byrne

The Art of Blissful Parenting - Sharon Ballantine

Connect with Sharon:

Website - sharonballantine.com

 Facebook/sharonballantine

Twitter/LifeCoachSB

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::

Today’s show is a revisit of Episode 57,  my conversation with Sharon Ballantine.

With 3 children to parent, Sharon turned to books for help with parenting, but she never had the time to read and process the information in the books. So, with no other options available to her, she decided to rely on her own intuition and her own Internal Guidance System for parenting. She began using this technique and the law of attraction to manifest exactly what she wanted as a parent. In this episode, Sharon shares exactly how she made it all happen!

Sharon Ballantine is a Parenting and Life Coach and Founder of the Ballantine Parenting Institute. Her book, The Art of Blissful Parenting, guides parents with practical as well as spiritual advice in raising their children. It also guides parents on how to get into alignment, discover and use their own IGS before they can teach their children.

In this episode Sharon also discusses:

• How to find answers within yourself
• You have an internal guidance system that begins with your feelings
• Why leaving the room can help you get “in alignment” to parent
• Physical movement can be a tool to help bring you into a centered place of alignment
• Changing the subject that is causing stress and bad energy can cause a shift in energy
• The teenage years are the years of “personal discovery”
• Parents spend the teen years in fear mode and resort to using control
• Whoever a teenager is today is not their final destination. Be patient; they will change.
• Why we want to avoid making our children feel bad at all costs
• Staying centered will give you the coping skills to deal with any kind of crazy you have to deal with
• “This too shall pass” - it is true especially for teens
• Ways to deal with teen behavior that is harmful
• Focusing on the future and consequences of actions can allow a teen to take responsibility and look at the big picture
• How to support your child’s development of their Internal Guidance System
• Ways her failures as a parent contributed to finding her Internal Guidance System
• What joyful courage means to her and how it contributes to bliss

Resources Mentioned on the Show:

 The Secret - Rhonda Byrne

The Art of Blissful Parenting - Sharon Ballantine

Connect with Sharon:

Website - sharonballantine.com

 Facebook/sharonballantine

Twitter/LifeCoachSB

:::::

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

::::

Today’s guest is Shelley Francis. Shelly is an audiologist specializing in auditory processing disorder, and has been working with children for over 25 years. Over the years she has noticed a trend where more and more children are being seen as extra sensitive, not only with their physical senses but with their inner senses as well. By using her own sensitivities, she looks past a child's diagnosis and connects with their heart.

Today Shelly remains motivated by both her passion to help children and her unique perspective in childhood development, which she has described in her book, No Child Left Unwrapped:  Understanding and Honoring the Gifts Every Child is Born With. It's her hope that her book and her teachings will help create the needed paradigm shifts within our education system and within our society that will better support our beautiful sensory sensitive children of today. Join us!

“Often we pigeonhole these children thinking that they need to be a certain way to be successful and then they can't be successful because that's not their nature. ”

“There's so much more information out there to receive than just information through our five senses.”

“Everybody needs to know that they're awesome.”

“These children then just feel like there's, there's so much wrong with them, but they're never really getting what's right with them, what's good with them, what's awesome about them.”

“Often the problem we see is a solution to a problem that we don't know about”

“We are always looking at the external for the answer. What if the answer is someplace else?”

“Nobody can deny the fact that we need more people that are empathic or empathetic and compassionate. And that's what we're getting.”

“Let's help our kids when they're young or as early as possible so they don't have to go through as much of these challenges that we've had to go through, that other sensitive people have had to go through in the past.”

“Entangled trauma for a sensitive soul is a recipe for disaster.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• The difference between differences and disorder
• The need to recognize and honor differences
• Sensory differences - what are they and how do you recognize them?
• Sensory information, behavior and how they intersect
• The challenges of living heart wide open for kids who haven’t learned how to release the energy of others
• Baby steps for supporting sensitive kids
• The role of meditation as a tool
• Resilience: what it means and how we develop it
• Trauma, sensitivity and visualization to create filters for energy

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Well it's, it's definitely, you know, joy and courage are two of the beautiful inner gifts that live in our heart. And it's funny you asked that because I, before the interview I actually was was thinking to myself that, you know, I was a little nervous about this. This is all new to me. Putting out a book was new to me, you know, I was very comfortable sitting in my office and having people come to me for so many years and now I'm going out into the world in a different way of being seen and heard and it can cause a little bit of anxiety and you know, nervous about it. But what I thought about was that, you know, tap into my own gifts of the heart and realize that joy and courage help me to get through being nervous about coming out and being seen and heard. So joy and courage are beautiful gifts of the heart that we can develop in our children that can help them navigate this world.

Resources:

No Child Left Unwrapped:  Understanding and Honoring the Gifts Every Child is Born With

Where to find Shelly:

https://meetshelley.com/

Facebook

:::::

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!