Welcome to the thunderdome: this week, it's hosts vs. producers as we battle for historical accuracy in the space where it matters most, the intro to this podcast. Sound off/take sides in the comments. Then, Nicole Byer (Why Won't You Date Me?, Nailed It!, Grand Crew) fits us into her busy schedule this week (she flies to London every morning to workout with her British trainer, Ben, which eats up a lot of time actually) to discuss alien buttholes and what notes she would have given Kim K on that video (yes, that video) if she were her mom/manager/momager.

Nicole's Artifacts

Follow Nicole on Twitter and Instagram and listen to her Headgum podcast, Newcomers!

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Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, welcome back. We have perhaps never meant it to more??? Keeping Records is all the way back, with the new EJ and the old Shelby and all that record-making you love or hate or agree with or disagree with or tolerate. And could we have asked for a better first guest back than comedian/writer/podcaster-to-the-stars Jamie Loftus? No we could not.

Finally all together in the studio, the gang puzzled over some really important questions like: Should you get a pet snake? (No.) Should one have sex with their car? (Only if the car is cool/souped up.) Why is Australia scary but New Zealand not scary? (Unsure.) And other questions that are really worth considering!!!

Jamie's Artifacts

Follow Jamie on Twitter and Instagram be sure to listen to Ghost Church wherever you get your podcasts!

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The moment you've all been waiting for... an episode long in the making.... the Keeping Records phone has been ringing off the hook.... audiences have been begging....... for Anya and Casey to step up to the mic. Also in this episode: all your favorite moments in Keeping Records history, according to you. Eat it up, lil freaks!!!!!

And don't forget that we're BACK NEXT WEEK, August 26th, WITH A BRAND NEW EPISODE!!!!! Hallelujah. 

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OK tiny freaks! This is our very last re-release before a very special episode next week (!) and an even more special (!!) episode the week after. So hang tight, stay tuned, don't touch that dial. We're almost back, baby. 

Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something.

E.R.'s Artifacts

Follow E.R. and watch them on Shrill! Also listen to their music released as Twin!

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Your burning questions????? Finally answered!!!! Smash that play button in to hear what we've been up to over at the KR HQ!!!!

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All right, settle in lil freaks, we're wheeling in the AV cart for a very special session of Keeping Records. Yes, that's right, we're gonna dim the lights and sit quietly in our chairs while Caleb and Shelby tell us about some of the artifacts that NASA sent (without our input weirdly) on the original Voyager Golden Record. We'll learn about things that seem funny to us but normal to people in other parts of the world, we'll learn about fetuses and how that all works more or less, we'll learn that the Immaculate Conception was really the Original Cuckolding. All in all, we'll learn. Together. While we eagerly wait for new episodes to drop. Soon. We promise. 

Be sure to watch the video version of the episode for a complete audio-visual experience and for two of the best wigs you'll ever see in your life. 

The Artifacts: 

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Give us a minute, OK? Keeping Records is on a brief hiatus but you better believe it's coming back. Stay tuned for updates from their latest mission, dropping in your feeds soon.

Comedian and podcaster Beth Stelling ordered some sandwiches...like...an hour ago. They're still not here yet but she's going to go ahead and get started telling Caleb and Shelby her plans for her Golden Record: people falling over and hurting themselves but like not reaaaally hurting themselves, her niece meeting a woodland creature, Ted Danson absolutely nailing it on—oh shit, someone's knocking, brb

Beth's Artifacts

Original Voyager Artifact

Follow Beth and watch Girl Daddy on HBO Max.

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Hey it's Caleb and Shelbo! Back with the long-awaited Golden Record from our main girl! Shelbo takes a while to find her camera but when she does, she FINALLY sets the record straight (in a gay way): we're taking a brief chhhiatus (a Jewish break), but we will be back with new episodes in a few weeks. So don't you dare hit that unsubscribe button, because we've got so much more Keeping Recordings for you. More news coming in this feed next week.

To tide you over 'til then, Shelbo's artifacts:

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Good morning America (or wherever you're listening from, hopefully from a different planet)! The long awaited Golden Record from our one and only Caleb Hearon is finally here. It's a bittersweet symphony as we go through a lot of feelings. Queue Vitamin C… and let us know… F/K Jason Segal and Vince Vaughn.

Caleb's Artifacts

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They're back from their meeting with NASA; seems like things went well. Now, Caleb's in New York, and Shelby's in LA. But the Zoom that connects them through the cosmos? That's Mommy, and Mommy is home. They play F/M/K with the Supreme Court (answers open to interpretation) and then open up the submission line to solicit additions/deletions for the Golden Record, and as usual you lil freaks did not disappoint. Covering a real wide breadth of the most pressing issues of our time, we have the following:

Your Record Additions:

Your Record Deletions:

Watch the video version of the episode

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