Well lil freaks, it finally happened. We got the call last week on the secure Headgum line (red phone) from Bill Nelson (head of NASA, reports to POTUS, first coined the phrase "Houston, we have a problem") and Caleb and Shelby are on their way to the John F. Kennedy Space Center for an important meeting and we are not cleared to give you any other info (strictly need-to-know basis at this time). Anyway, while that's all happening, we unearthed from the archives one of our all-time favorite episodes of the show, which we think in turn will one day be on the Golden Record itself. If this meeting goes well. Enjoy and see you next week.

Comedian and writer Samantha Irby (Wow, No Thank You; Meaty; Shrill) creates a Golden Record full of artifacts that she hopes the aliens will find life-changing. She also expresses her thoughts on what she would do with Henry Cavill in inappropriate public settings.

Sam's Artifacts

Original Voyager Artifact

"Do You Think...?" Listener Picks

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Shelby's back in studio (missed you, girl!); Caleb's finally on Raya (congrats, girl!); and EJ Marcus stops by the pod to kind of randomly make fun of producer Anya (who is actually writing this description but totally forgives you, girl!). After all, EJ is, by their own admission, Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating. 

Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating EJ brought along a near-perfect Golden Record that is at once practical and... dare we say... provocative? Listen in for arguably the best hour-and-change of your day.

EJ's Artifacts:

Follow EJ on Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram.

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Gather in close, lil freaks - things get serious for a minute as Caleb and Shelby open up with you all about the family stuff they've had going on. Turns out, growing up sucks.

But the intimate moments don't stop there: we also learn a lot about Caleb's balls, guest Carly Kane lets it slip that she's a die-hard Eminem stan, and Shelby reveals the instability of her wifi connection by leaving and re-entering the chat, repeatedly.

Carly's Artifacts:

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We're back and we're hornery. We talk about marriage and mentally ill babies, Real Housewives and mentally ill Real Housewives, and the ways in which young Mormons are (or, apparently, are not) having sex. Comedian Camirin Farmer comes through with a list of artifacts that can only be described as iconic, and also ruthlessly drags actress Lea Michele but we're fine with that. 

Plus, per every lil freak's request, Caleb and Shelby unearth their first ever video artifact, a public-broadcasting-esque examination of a photograph that's shooting around space at this very minute. 

Camirin's Artifacts:

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The place: a grim, dimly-lit warehouse in Oakland. The year: 1999. Our hero, known to most simply as “DJ Moshe,” a prolific local techno disc jockey, prepares to square off against his enemy, DJ E. Moshe, in an underground battle for house-music-scene domination.

How does this tale of high stakes adventure end? Does our hero prevail as the greatest selector the Bay Area has ever known? Or does he get into comedy, fall in love with Natasha Leggero, and together stop by the Headgum studios to send the best Earth has to offer into space?

Don't want to spoil it but tune in to find out.

Natasha + Moshe's Artifacts:

Follow Natasha on Twitter and Instagram, and follow Moshe on Twitter and Instagram.

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Have you ever really listened to the words of "Baby" by the young hitmaker Justin Bieber? No, like, really really listened? Comedian Kiry Shabazz walks Caleb and Shelby through a close reading of the lyrics, while sending to space other songs not yet included in the Great American Songbook because they are cowards. Taking the most strategic, tactical approach of any Keeping Records guest before him, Kiry's tightly curated but mostly music-based Golden Record is meant to make the aliens feel sexy, sad, and confused, which we think is kind of cool. 

Kiry's Artifacts:

Follow Kiry on Twitter and Instagram. 

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Let's pick up where we left off, shall we? It's your favorite band MUNA back in the studio (that they never really left) to really get into their mostly gastronomy-related picks for the Golden Record.

In between listing out their favorite burrito spots, Naomi, Jo, and Katie listen encouragingly as Caleb and Shelby try their hand at songwriting; Caleb and Shelby give notes as MUNA sharpens their improv chops. It's a beautiful, symbiotic collaboration; a peak behind the creative curtain for lil freaks' eyes + ears only.

MUNA's Artifacts Pt 2:

Follow MUNA on Twitter and Instagram, and pre-order their new album here. 

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There's arguably too many people in the studio. They arguably all talk about too many things at once. 

Fortunately, Jo, Naomi, and Katie (members of your favorite band MUNA) took their mission very seriously, collaborating on a tightly edited Golden Record to send only the very best earth stuff to space. Unfortunately, they all spend too long making sex noises with their hands to get to most of them, so you'll have to tune into the next episode, too. 

MUNA's Artifacts (to be continued):

Follow MUNA on Twitter and Instagram, and pre-order their new album here. 

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Is there any lil freak/Lord of the Ring fan crossover? We sure do hope so, because Caleb, Shelby, and musician Lou Roy kind of go off about Tolkien for a while this week. 

They do manage to leave Middle Earth for a little while to talk about Hometown Buffet - which we tried to provide a URL link to but incredibly, does not have a website in this year of our lord 2022. So really if any humans or aliens want to learn about that place, they kind of have to listen to this ep???

Lou's Artifacts

Follow Lou on Twitter and Instagram, and listen to her debut album, PURE CHAOS, which drops today!

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Caleb and Shelby sit down for a little one-on-one in the studio to discuss the biggest names of our generation: Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Reba McEntire, Shelley Duvall, and Heath Ledger. 

They also carve out some time to hone their improv chops but somehow only get to two of your additions to the Golden Records. But as always, they're perfect, just like all of you lil freaks. 

Your Record Additions:

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