Podcast Notes Key Takeaways

• “People think that conflict is the issue in distressed relationships. Conflict is the virus, the inflammation is emotional disconnection.”
• Humans are meant to be monogamous 
  • People who report having the best sex and are most satisfied with their sex lives are those in long-term, stable, and exclusive relationships
• “The question in distressed relationships is always the same all over the world at every age: ‘Where are you? Do you care about me? Do I matter to you? Will you respond to me? Will you be there when I’m vulnerable? Am I safe with you?'”
  • “When the answer is ‘I’m here,’ you can deal with almost anything”
    • You don’t have to solve all your partner’s problems – just be emotionally present with them
• “Why do we, when a woman has a baby, leave her alone a in a little box called an apartment and take her away from all her social contacts? Often she doesn’t live in the same city as her mother and sisters… and her husband’s at work all day.”
  • “In most tribal societies, when a woman has a baby, it’s a signal for the community to come around and support her… We’ve totally lost that.”
• In healthy relationships, sex is a bonding activity
• The main thing that gets in the way of sex is emotional distance
  • When emotional connection gets lost, the desire to be erotic dissipates (you’re not wired to deal with threat and be turned on at the same time)
• People have affairs because they’re feeling emotionally disconnected and alone, not because of sexual frustration
• Rings seem to come off at milestones of independence for kids
• Relationships are living organisms
  • If you neglect the relationship in favor of focusing on a child, when the child leaves, it’s very likely the relationship will have died
• The very best thing you can do for your kids is to have a good relationship with your partner 

Read the full notes @ podcastnotes.org



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Dr. Sue Johnson is a researcher, clinical psychologist and the developer of EFT or Emotionally Focused Therapy. In this interview we discuss how to create, protect, and nourish fulfilling sexual and emotional relationships.

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For comprehensive show notes on this episode, including a full edited transcript, go to https://fs.blog/podcast/

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