Ladies, We Need To Talk

Twins Clare and Jessie Stephens have been by each other's side for all of life's firsts. The first day of school, first job, first love, first pregnancy and birth plus that time Clare dyed her hair brown (spoiler alert: disaster).

The sisters, both writers and podcasters, live in tandem. They're also competitive high achievers.

So what's it like when your best friend is also your harshest critic, most fierce rival and biggest cheerleader? How do you figure out who you are when your identity and DNA are so closely linked with another? Yumi Stynes sits down with the twins for a raucous conversation about the love and war of sisterhood.

Clare Stephens is the author of The Worst Thing I've Ever Done and host of The Pile On podcast. Jessie Stephens is the author of Something Bad Is Going to Happen and host of the Mamamia Out Loud podcast.

What to listen to next:

Sashi Perera on reinvention

Rosie Waterland and Jamila Rizvi's broken brains

Jessie Tu, on miscarriage and doing motherhood her way

The price of perfectionism

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. 

What to read next: 

How Turia Pitt's body image changed in motherhood

The dark side of being a perfectionist

Shame and disgust: Why we find this STI so hard to talk about

What happens to your sex life during perimenopause?

This episode contains references to pregnancy, miscarriage, jealousy, envy, twin, sisterhood, family, depression, anxiety, relationships, Jessie Stephens pregnancy, identical twins. 

Married mum Deepa Paul didn’t have ‘sleeping with strangers’ on her bingo card. She grew up in the Catholic and conservative Philippines and married her college sweetheart. But underneath, Deepa yearned for more.   

Deepa wanted to open up her marriage, but convincing her husband took time and tears. Eventually, they settled on boundaries and set up their dating profiles. 

Having sex with new people meant that Deepa could explore her desires without shame. It also sparked a renewal in her marriage.  

In her book Ask me how it works: love in an open marriage Deepa answers the questions we all want to know about polyamory.  

What to listen to next:

The new way to date

How to have better sex, with Emily Nagoski

Esther Perel will change how you think about intimacy

Oh my kink! Pulling back the covers on BDSM

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. 

What to read next: 

How Turia Pitt's body image changed in motherhood

The dark side of being a perfectionist

Shame and disgust: Why we find this STI so hard to talk about

What happens to your sex life during perimenopause?

This episode will answer questions like: 

• How does polyamory work? 
• Do people get jealous in open relationships? 
• What is couples therapy like? 
• How do you navigate the stigma of an open relationship? 
• How do you talk to your partner about sex? 
• How do you talk to your kids about your sex life? 

This episode contains references to polyamory, open marriage, wedding, sex, sexuality, marriage, parenting, children, kids, communication, couples therapy, couples counselling, infidelity, cheating, online dating. 

This is a guided meditation to help with chronic pain.  

Endometriosis hurts. It can be a gnarling, twisting, stabbing, relentless source of pain. Finding a way through that pain can be overwhelming at times. Meditation can help.  

Gynaecological surgeon and endometriosis specialist Dr Pav Nanayakkara guides you through a series of breathing exercises to shift your relationship with pain.  

This isn’t a standard Ladies, We Need to Talk episode, it’s a tool for your mindfulness toolbox. One you can come back to any time you need.  

These meditations aren't designed to replace medical pain relief or the advice of a good doctor, rather to compliment them.

What to listen to next:

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.

What to read next:

This episode contains references to endometriosis, gynaecology, period pain, chronic pain, pain management, meditation, attention, acceptance, mindfulness, breathing, breath work. 

Around one million Australian women live with endometriosis. That's around one in seven, so chances are you know someone dealing with debilitating pain, medical misogyny and fertility issues because of the disease.

Awareness about endometriosis has expanded in the last few years, but there's still a long way to go. Yumi Stynes meets women who've spent a lot of time and money seeking a diagnosis and fighting to be heard.

She also sits down with Professor Caroline Ford from the Ainsworth Endometriosis Research Institute at UNSW who offers hope for a future with tailored treatments and less BS.

Helpful links:

Endometriosis Foundation  (these folks run support groups)

What to listen to next:

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.

What to read next:

This episode will answer questions like:

• What is endometriosis?
• How can you tell if you have endometriosis?
• Is it normal to have painful periods?
• What are the treatment options for endometriosis?
• Does endometriosis affect your fertility?
• Does endometriosis affect your sex life?

This episode contains references to endometriosis, gynaecology, period pain, chronic pain, painful sex, medical, gaslighting, medical misogyny, cancer, fertility, infertility, IVF, uterus, lesions, laparoscopy, endo, endometrial tissue, chronic pelvic pain, adenomyosis, dysmenorrhea, chocolate cysts, blood, National Action Plan for Endometriosis.

Artificial Intelligence is supercharging a new era of misogyny. There are more weapons than ever for men to use against women to silence and shame us, chief among them deepfakes (AI generated images and videos). And tech companies and regulators are not doing enough to fight this abuse, which is affecting everyone from schoolgirls to prime ministers.

After her book Men Who Hate Women dropped, academic Laura Bates was sent an AI-generated nightmare. It was her face, used in a sexually violent doctored image.

Her new book, The New Age of Sexism: How the AI Revolution is Reinventing Misogyny dives into this wild collision of technology and hate, from deepfake pornography to cyber brothels, chatbots and robot girlfriends.

Laura calls out a future where women are easy targets and the rules don't apply. The tech might be new, but the misogyny is old and crusty —and Laura says it's time to fight back and protect women now.

Come to our next live show:

What to listen to next:

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.

What to read next:

This episode will address questions like, what does AI mean for women and women's rights? How is technology being used in gender-based violence? What is a deepfake? What is the psychological impact of online abuse? What can I do if there's a deepfake using my image?

This episode contains references to pornography, metaverse, online, deepfake, discrimination, inequality, harassment, reddit, social media, sexual assault, abuse, AI, Artificial Intelligence.

Trying to find a life partner on a dating app who's not a gun toting, fish wielding weirdo can be like trying to find a needle in the haystack. But according to Professor Jennie Young, there's a much more empowering way of sorting through all that hay. She's come up with a technique to hack the apps called 'The Burnt Haystack Method' to help women wade through the online swamp.

Jennie never thought she would use her academic background to become a dating influencer. She was 50 when she first started online dating and was struck by the onslaught of stilted, mundane, and rude conversations. She kept getting the same advice — make yourself as appealing as possible and give men the benefit of the doubt. But Jennie, along with her army of followers, is turning that advice on its head. She's giving women permission to be as judgemental as possible and be totally yourself along the way.

Jennie chats with Yumi Stynes about how to hack the apps and win at dating. Think of this episode as a tool in your arsenal if you're dating, or a trusty guide if you're close to someone who is.

What to listen to next:

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.

What to read next:

This episode will address questions like, why are conversations so weird on dating apps? How can I have a better time on dating apps? Who should I avoid on the dating apps?

This episode contains references to burned haystack dating method, BHDM, B2B, block to burn, block2burn, Jennie Young, dating apps, couples, partner, love, relationships, dating events, Match Group, Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, divorce.

Dating apps are a drag. And women are ditching them in droves. Beyond the swiping, more of us are daring to date in real life. Yumi Stynes chats to women moving away from the apps and towards in-person singles events.

From post-divorce blind dates to queer speed dating, dinners with strangers and exercise classes, all in the name of finding love. Or at least a little lust.

Plus, friend of the pod and Lifestyle Editor at Guardian Australia, Alyx Gorman helps us understand why more women are dating IRL.

What to listen to next: 

Loneliness — you're not alone Relationship resuscitation — coming back from the brink 

'All Women Want' — how to have great sex, with Alyx Gorman

Digital dating despair

What to read next:

The women staying single by choice in a world of relentless dating pressure

Sugar babies give rich, older men the 'full girlfriend experience' at a price

Global study shows online dating does not always lead to happy relationships

This episode will address questions like, why are people logging off the dating apps? Where did dating apps go wrong? Why are single in-person events on the rise?

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.

This episode contains references to dating apps, single events, couples, partner, love, relationships, dating events, in-person, running clubs, pickle ball, paddle, boxing, Match Group, Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, divorce.

After years of campaigning, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) finally has a name change: polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome (PMOS).

According to experts, the previously confusing and inaccurate name lead to misunderstanding around the disease. It's hoped the update will bring more accurate diagnoses and treatment for women with the condition. And with 1 in 8 women affected, that's a huge deal.

Yumi Stynes chats with Professor Helena Teede, who led the name change initiative, as well as women living with PMOS.

This episode was recorded before the name change and refers to the disease as PCOS.

Featured in this episode: 

• Professor Helena Teede, female endocrine specialist from Monash University

This episode will answer questions such as: 

• What is PMOS? 
• Why does PMOS cause weight pain?
• What is the link between PMOS and infertility? 
• How is PMOS diagnosed?  

What to listen to next: 

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. 

This episode contains references to PCOS, PMOS, weight gain, excess hair, medical misogyny and infertility. 

Stand-up star Sashi Perera called off her wedding at the last minute. There were tears and tantrums but that wasn't the final time the lawyer-turned-comedian blew up her life.

Moving to a country in the middle of civil unrest? Tick. Dating a series of duds? Tick. Quitting a well-paid job for stand-up comedy? Tick.

Sashi's redefined what success means to her through career changes, relationship breakdowns and IVF struggles. Yumi Stynes sits down with Sashi to find out how she's learned to run her own race.

What to listen to next:

What to read next: 

The price of perfectionism for women

How Turia Pitt's body image changed in motherhood

Sandy seemingly has a perfect marriage, but she’d never been lonelier

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. 

This episode contains references to marriage, wedding, runaway bride, comedy, stand-up, dating, Tinder, online dating, shame, depression, mental health, immigrant, immigration, family, IVF, pregnancy, miscarriage, relationships. 

A herpes diagnosis can come with a whole lot of stigma, but it shouldn't. Around 15% of us carry the antibodies to genital herpes, making it one of the most common STIs in Australia.

Yumi Stynes finds out what it's like hearing you have herpes for the first time and how to best manage. From itching to tell partners to soothing your symptoms and how to keep sex humming. 

Plus, STI expert Dr Ellie Freedman explains the science behind the virus and how it changes over time.

What to listen to next: 

You can binge more episodes of Ladies, We Need to Talk on the ABC listen app (in Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts.  

What to read next:   

This episode will answer questions like: 

• What is genital herpes?
• What does it feel like to get genital herpes?
• What's the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2?
• How is herpes spread?
• Why is there stigma around herpes?
• How do people manage genital herpes?
• How are relationships and sex impacted by herpes?

This episode contains references to genital herpes, herpes simplex virus type one, herpes simplex virus type two, antibodies, sexual health, womens health, shame, stigma, mental health, vagina, vulva.