Let Go and Be Free

Overcoming your anger over the past can be a challenging process.

How do you process anger?

Do you internalize it?

Lash out at others?

In this episode, I discuss identifying the anger we grew up, learn the differences of how we deal with that anger, and propose options on how to let go of anger in healthier ways.

Tips:

• Daily journal writing
• Attend therapy
• Go to Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional family meetings
• Try out this yoga session: Fists of anger.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Healing from growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family takes many paths.

Storytelling is a tool that can help you process what happened to you, grow from the event, and heal.

In this week's episode, I discuss my own story and share how we can using storytelling to  heal ourselves and lead lives filled with love and hope.

Exercises:

• Attend ACOA meetings.
• Write in a journal.
• Go to therapy.
• Talk with a trusted friend.
• Write music, a play, draw, sculpt, or use the power of creativity to heal.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

I also discuss Angus Fletcher’s book Wonderworks and how I stumbled open the new research by scientists on want gratitude does to our brains and how it helps us.

Research:

• Effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity and brain-heart coupling. Read the article.
• Supplemental material for a gratitude exercise as used in the research study. Read the exercise.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

With challenges overcoming the pandemic, gun violence, and a whole laundry list of issues in America as well as issues within our own families, how do we stay hopeful?

But also, when do we need to let go and move on?

In this episode, I talk through my own struggles with wanting to give up hope and why it's important to remain open to change.

We are imperfect people and the journey that we are on is imperfect as well.

Take time to recharge, heal yourself, and find peace. Hope is always available to us if we're willing to be patient.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Fear of abandonment can be the most damaging stress to handle in adult life that may have plagued you all through your relationships.

In this episode, I talk through my own struggles with fear of abandonment and share the Adult Children of Alcoholics #4 laundry list item that's about this fear.

I also open up and share some personal stories from my past along with the tools that I have used to overcome this fear.

And if you're looking for art imitating life, be sure to watch Florence + The Machine's "No Light, No Light" video that hits home with the line: "I'd do anything to make you stay."

This week's tip is a powerful one:

Take the first step. Admit where you have a problem. Instead of denying, admit where you have a weakness.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

I discuss the following topics:

• Thinking that love will “fix” all our problems.Wanti
• Wanting someone to “complete” us.
• Getting lost in being in “love.”
• Using the adrenaline rush of being in “love” as a means of escape.

I discuss how I kept repeating the same patterns again and again with each relationship.

And I come clean with myself that I couldn't “fix” or “save” anyone.

When we enter a relationship within those goals in mind, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship falls apart.

So what can we do?

Listen to the episode to hear how I learned how to overcome these relationship traps.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Tip: Discover and explore what you like to do on your own. Make time to have a “date” with yourself. Go to lunch by yourself or a movie or go out and focus on a hobby that you like.

What does that mean? Who should we make amends with? When should and shouldn't we?

I share the fourth, eighth, and ninth steps from Adultchildren.org and talk through the complexities of how to make amends and the importance of our also contining to do a thorough inventory on our actions.

Learning new skills on how to have healthy reactions helps us to have fulfilling relationships rather than replicating unhealthy behaviors we learned as children growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family.

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Tip: Focus on the Serenity prayer. What can we change and what can’t we change?

Tip #2: Try one new thing a day. Take a walk in a different direction, read a book, make some art, exercise. Trying something new.

Over time, I learned to focus on:

• Body
• Mind
• Soul

By taking care of my basic needs (eating right, sleep habits, and exercise), I used that foundation to then branch into learning mindfulness, guided meditations, and visualization techniques to help me deal with anxiety.

I also share several helpful techniques that I use on a daily basis to overcome anxiety, worrying, and ruminating thoughts.

When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you emulate what you learned as a kid.

There is hope. You can learn a new way.

Today’s tip:

From my elementary school teacher: Play some classical music, close your eyes, and take a crayon and just draw. Enjoy being free!

Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Always thinking the worst is going to happen in a situation.

Why did we start doing this?

• Helped us survive all the dysfunction and trauma we lived through. Allowed us to be one step ahead of the problems.

Why being prepared for the worst was good to start out with as a kid.

• We were always ready, day or night, to deal with the worst. We could never let our guard down.

How it turned to being bad for us.

• We started limiting our choices.
• Didn’t take chances for fear that the worst would happen.
• Started to always see things as being negative.
• Did have fun and didn’t enjoy life as a problem was only a second away.

What can we do about it?

• Therapy
• Meditation
• Mindfulness
  • (Is it healthy for me to always think the worst is going to happen? Is it true?)
  • Be in the moment.
  • Self parent (imagine yourself as a kid, go up to him, and hug him).

Tip: I recommend that you read the book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks.