Lit AF Relationships

Showing up authentically on a date can be difficult, especially if you tend to people please or have an insecure attachment type. On this episode, I share a few tips to get into a secure mindset before you go on a date. I include tips for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment styles. This takes practice and I encourage you to take baby steps. But there are huge rewards to being yourself and showing up authentically on dates. 

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Are you ready to show up securely in your dating life? Book a free discovery call to see if my 1:1 attachment coaching program is for you. Here is the link to book: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Today on the podcast I talk about the anxious avoidant trap. I answer the question, “Do you think people in an Anxious / Avoidant relationship can work with time and patience or are they incompatible? I keep going back and forth on if I just need time and to completely heal, or if I need to find someone who will work with my anxious attachment style.” I explain why these attachment types tend to end up in relationships with each other. I also talk about how you can become secure in a relationship or on your own. 

I offer 1:1 coaching to help folks become secure in their current relationships and in dating. Book a free discovery call to see if its the right fit for you: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

On this week’s episode I answer the question, “Do you think you can only earn secure in the context of relationships? In other words, even if you’ve done tons of work, can you be certain you’re (mostly) healed without testing it in a relationship?”. I get this question alot in different forms, do I need to be single to heal my attachment style, do I need to be in a relationship to heal my attachment style, or what’s better? 

In this episode, I share the benefits of healing your attachment style single and in a relationship. I also share some common signs that you are ready to date again or showing up securely in relationships. If you’re leaning dismissive avoidant and thinking that you’re secure without trying it in a relationship, I encourage you to start dating to test it and see.

If you are interested in working with me through 1:1 coaching to heal your attachment style book a discovery call to see if it’s the right fit for you. Link to book a discovery call: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

In this episode, I interview Jessica Fern author of Polysecure. I really wanted to have her on the show because this book is an amazing resource about attachment for both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships. We discuss all things attachment including external environmental factors that affect our attachment style, our attachment with mother earth, and how to heal your attachment in a relationship or multiple relationships. 

She shares about how different attachment types including anxious preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, secure, and fearful avoidants/disorganized show up in nonmonogamous relationships. We finish the conversation by talking about the tools she is using in her current relationships to show up securely with and for each other and the topic of her next book. I so appreciate this conversation and recommend this episode to anyone interested in learning more about attachment whether they are monogamous or not.

Visit Jessica Fern’s website: JessicaFern.com

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

If you’re interested in working with me through 1:1 coaching to show up securely in relationships book a discovery call to see if it’s a good fit for you. Discovery call link:  https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Fizzling is when someone you’re talking to online or have been on a date with puts the brakes on communicating with you. They don’t completely ghost you but the conversation starts slowing down like a car running out of gas. In this episode I share common signs that your situationship or relationship is fizzling. I explain why ghosting and fizzling are common dismissive avoidant behaviors. And then I share how you can prevent this behavior from happening.

If you’re interested in working with me through 1:1 coaching to show up confidentially in dating book a discovery call to see if it’s a good fit for you. 

Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Resources Discussed:

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/becoming-a-crocs-person

In this episode I answer a listener’s question that is struggling with distrust in their relationship. Their dismissive avoidant partner has a habit of lying and she is triggered by his behavior. This episode is particularly great for anxious preoccupieds and fearful avoidants that struggle with hypervigilance. I explain how to handle the triggering emotions that come up and then I share tips on how to ask for her needs to be met in relationship. I finish with some extra bonus secure advice on how to help meet her partner's needs so he has support to end the habit. Listen in if you’re in a relationship with someone that has a triggering habit. 

If you’re interested in working with me through 1:1 coaching to heal your attachment style book a discovery call here: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

In today’s episode I share how I healed my fearful avoidant attachment type. The fearful avoidant attachment style flip flops between anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant so there are some good strategies in here no matter which side of the attachment spectrum you’re on. I go over how I originally heard about attachment style, what program I used to start healing, and the incredible changes I’ve made in my life because of my earned secure attachment. 

If you’re interested in working with me to heal your attachment style you can book a discovery call here: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

I would be honored to help you show up confidently and vulnerably in all of your relationships.

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Resources Discussed:

Personal Development School: https://pds.idevaffiliate.com/124.html

Brad Yates Free EFT Tapping: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiHZMZejDS4RIxDdBwoie9A

Somatic Feelings Meditation: https://www.sarahcohan.com/freetools

Are you communicating on the dating apps and feeling anxious? In this episode I share a few tips on how to communicate on dating apps when you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style. This episode is also for you if you are fearful avoidant that leans anxious. I share how anxious preoccupied people tend to show up on dating apps and how to slow down in your communication. Additionally I review how to understand your needs and practice meetin them on your own. And I finish with absolute favorite tip about online dating. You’ll just have to listen to learn it!

Resources Discussed:

Brad Yates EFT Tapping for the feeling of rejection: https://youtu.be/tP3rFM634tQ

Free somatic feelings meditation: https://www.sarahcohan.com/freetools

I would love to help you heal your anxious and fearful avoidant attachment style so you show up confidently and securely in your dating life. Book a discovery call to learn more about your unique attachment style and how it’s possible to get to secure. https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Breakups can trigger your attachment system which makes them especially painful to navigate.

In this episode I review how each of the different attachment styles handle a breakup including anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and dimssive avoidant. I share four tips to help you heal from the breakfup whether you did the breaking up or you were broken up with. I finish the episode answering questions I received recently about breakups including why does my ex need no contact and when can I contact my ex. I wish you a speedy healing journey during the sacred time. I hope you find the strength to enjoy your single life.

II would love to help you navigate your breakup to soothe your anxiety or work on you vulnerability so you feel comfortable meeting new people. You can book a free discovery call with me to learn more about your attachment style and how to start showing up securely across all of your relationships. Here’s the link to the schedule the call: https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Are you dating someone new and getting too excited or overwhelmed about it? You’re not alone! This is so common for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment types. In this episode, I explain how the different attachment styles are activated when dating someone new.I break down how to regulate your own nervous system for each attachment type so you can get back to a secure mindset. Good for you for putting yourself out there and dating! It’s really brave to put yourself out there. Now go meet your needs and communicate with this new person about them.

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to heal your attachment so you’re showing up securely while dating? Book a discovery with me to see if attachment coaching would be the right fit for you. You’ll learn about your unique attachment style and how to heal. Book your call here:  https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

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