Lit AF Relationships

So you’ve been going to therapy for years and you’re not seeing any changes? I get it. I went to therapy for about four years and I didn’t see much drastic change. In this episode I talk about the difference between therapy and coaching. I also share how healing your attachment style helps you show up more authentically in therapy. And last I share how to use coaching and therapy together to heal past trauma and show up securely in your relationships.

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to start showing up vulnerably in therapy? Book a free discovery call. You’ll learn about your attachment style and tools to start healing your relationships. https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Are you doing dating math around dating in your city? Do you think your city is in fact the worst city to date? Do you live in Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, London, Paris, or Chicago? When you’re thinking this you are actually in lack mentality. And I hate to say it but it’s not possible for all of these cities to be the worst. The truth is dating is just hard. In this episode I share a few reasons why people buy into this myth and what you can do to overcome it. Good luck out there and schedule a free consult call with me to learn how to believe in yourself and believe in partnerships. There are many perfect matches out there for you. Are you willing to find them?

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how to cultivate a secure mindset in your marriage or dating life. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Are you ruminating about breaking up with your partner? If breaking up with your partner is your go-to reaction whenever there is conflict in your relationships this episode is for you! This is a very common habit for dismissive avoidants. I know because I used to struggle with this. In this episode, I share why dismissive avoidants are always thinking about breaking up as the solution to conflict. Then I share two simple solutions to end it. This is good information for an anxious preoccupied to better understand their partner or for a fearful avoidant the leans dismissive-avoidant.

Want to feel empowered and independent in relationships this year? Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how to cultivate a secure mindset. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

This week’s episode was recorded in front of a live audience at Whitney Cubbison’s San Francisco book launch of Will Be There Wine. I always love using books, movies, and tv shows to understand our own relationship patterns better. This book is no different. In this episode we discuss the lessons learned in the book including how to remain secure, the myth of no sex on the first date, and how to end fantasy future projection. The main character, Austen, is a wonderful example of secure attachment. She is resilient, brave, and 100% authentic in her dating life. And she goes on many, many, many bad dates. If you’re stuck in a bad dating rut, this one is for you! Get the book wherever you prefer to buy them! 

Follow Whitney Cubbison on Instagram: @whitneycubbisonwrites

Read Will There Be Wine: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/64646668

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to create secure relationships this year? Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how you can start to cultivate a secure mindset. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Are you bad at conflict? Does conflict feel triggering to you? It likely has to do with your attachment style and how your caregivers addressed conflict growing up. In this episode I explain what attachment styles are and how each attachment style deals with conflict. If you’re anxious preoccupied you likely people-please and say yes to things you don’t actually want. If you’re dismissive avoidant you likely feel swallowed and trapped during conflict which leads you to be passive-aggressive or stonewalling. I share a few strategies to use for each attachment type.  

Broke Ass Stuart instagram post mentioned in this episode: https://www.instagram.com/p/CpljUwjB1tZ/

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to create secure relationships this year? Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how you can start to cultivate a secure mindset. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

Today I’m reviewing the four different attachment types so you can answer the question, what attachment style am I? Listen to understand the four attachment types anxious preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, fearful avoidant or disorganized attachment, and secure attachment.

Attachment Style Anxious Preoccupied

As an anxious attachment style you prioritize close social connections above all else. You don't love being alone. You enjoy texting with your partner throughout the day. If you don't hear from them you can panic and start to send more messages because you fear the closeness in the relationship is threatened. You likely grew up in a household with unpredictable caregivers that sometimes attuned to you and sometimes didn’t. Your work is to learn to set boundaries and self-soothe on your own. You will see great success when you start to meet your own needs and solidify your self-identity.

Attachment Style Dismissive Avoidant

With an avoidant attachment style you are likely to be slow to warm up to others. You may come across as cold or distant. Emotions can be quite difficult for you because during childhood it was not safe for you to be vulnerable. You likely experienced neglect from your caregiver growing up. 

Your go-to emotions are irritation and impatience with your partner. You can also feel often like trapped or swallowed by your partner or close relationships. You are very practical, grounded, and tend to be very high achieving. Your work is to get in touch with your emotions, learn to be vulnerable, and share needs and boundaries from a grounded non-reactionary place.

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Attachment Style Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized 

This is also known as disorganized or anxious avoidant attachment style. As a fearful avoidant you oscillate between anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant strategies. You are charming and very present when meeting new people. You run hot and cold with your emotions. You crave intimacy but it can also be scary. You struggle with trust in relationships because you couldn’t trust your caregiver growing up. You likely experienced trauma in your childhood. Your go-to emotion is anger when you feel trapped, helpless, or powerless in a situation. You probably don’t like setting boundaries and often set them from a reactionary place. Your work is to build self-trust by both learning how to self-soothe and get in touch with your emotions. 

Secure Attachment Style 

As a secure attachment type you tend to be very in touch with your emotions. You know how to self-soothe and process emotions when you are triggered. You are aware of your emotions in the moment and feel comfortable sharing them with others. You understand that boundaries are important and have no problem sharing them with others. You might need help with resolving an old belief. Getting coaching or support is helpful when you're going through a difficult time in your life like divorce or a loss.

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to create secure relationships this year? Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how you can start to cultivate a secure mindset. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

In today’s episode, I sit down with my husband, Adrian Cardenas, to talk about my wild and crazy birth story. I had an unmedicated in a hospital. It was an incredible learning and growth experience both physically and mentally. We both share how birth has radically changed us and what attachment parenting means to both of us. It’s hilarious and touching and we hold back nothing.

Resources discussed in this episode:

Freya surge tracking app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thepositivebirthcompany.freyasurgetimer&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1

Bad Ass Mother Birther on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badassmotherbirther/

Golden Gate Doula Association: https://goldengatedoula.com/#/

Book: Transformed By Birth by Britta Bushnell, https://brittabushnell.com/transformed-by-birth/

Birthing and parenting workshops: https://www.naturalresources-sf.com/

Youtube pregnant channels:

Drs. Bjorkman: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDoctorsBjorkman

Diana in the Pink: https://www.youtube.com/c/DianaInThePink?app=desktop

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Book-Revised-Everything-Parenting/dp/0316198269/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+baby+book&qid=1554504978&s=books&sr=1-1

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to create secure relationships this year? Book a Getting To Secure discovery call with me, you will learn about your own attachment style, what is holding you back from creating secure relationships, and how you can start to cultivate a secure mindset. Book your call here:

https://calendly.com/hello-3224/getting-to-secure-consult-call

In today’s episode, I share how perfectionism shows up on the road to secure attachment. I recently caught myself being a super perfectionist about my own attachment style in preparation for the birth of my baby. My fearful-avoidant leaning dismissive avoidant tendencies had me hooked on secure. I wanted to have my shit figured out so I wasn’t doing it in front of the baby. But guess what, NO ONE IS PERFECT. Not even securely attached people. 

I share a really important tool that helps me have so much forgiveness, compassion, and grace for when I’m experiencing these moments.

PS Lit AF is going on maternity leave until 2023. We’ll be sharing new episodes soon. Until then enjoy our previous episodes to help you heal.

Follow Sarah Cohan on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to know more about your attachment style? Book a free 15-minute attachment discovery call. We’ll assess your attachment style and give you a free tool to start healing today.

Today’s episode features Markie Mullins, an astrologer, yoga instructor, oracle card reader, and retreat leader. We have an amazing conversation about reading charts and where astrology and attachment style intersect. She explains how to find your rising sign, use the moon cycles for your manifestation practice, and integrate your cycle with the seasons. It’s a hilarious conversation peppered with lots of vulnerability. Tune in to get to know your chart even better.

Follow Markie on Instagram: @sukhabymarkie

Visit Markie’s website: https://sukhabymarkie.com/

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

Want to know more about your attachment style? Book a free 15-minute attachment discovery call. We’ll assess your attachment style and give you a free tool to start healing your attachment style today.

Today’s show takes a bit of a turn off the beaten personal and spiritual growth path and focuses on the impact of the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade. This episode features stories about birth, pregnancy, and abortion. The first guest Ashleigh Robinson recently spoke at an abortion rights rally in Baltimore and shares why it’s so important for women to have ownership over their bodies. The second guest, Megan Sprague, shares her story of getting an abortion in California and how that affected her future career. It’s my intention to share these stories so people understand how difficult the abortion process can be even when it is legal. And bottom line being pro-choice does not mean being anti-baby. 

Follow Ashleigh Robinson on Instagram: @themrsrobinson; @typea_studio; @kran.baby

Visit Ashleigh Robinson’s website: typeastudio.com; kranbaby.com

Follow Megan Sprague on Instagram: @megansprague 

Visit Megan Sprague’s website: https://www.meetmegansprague.com/

Follow Lit AF on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com

Visit the Lit AF Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/

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Show notes:

Freakonomics Radio Abortion and Crime Revisited podcast episode

The Janes on HBO