Today I’m reviewing the four different attachment types so you can answer the question, what attachment style am I? Listen to understand the four attachment types anxious preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, fearful avoidant or disorganized attachment, and secure attachment.

Attachment Style Anxious Preoccupied

As an anxious attachment style you prioritize close social connections above all else. You don't love being alone. You enjoy texting with your partner throughout the day. If you don't hear from them you can panic and start to send more messages because you fear the closeness in the relationship is threatened. You likely grew up in a household with unpredictable caregivers that sometimes attuned to you and sometimes didn’t. Your work is to learn to set boundaries and self-soothe on your own. You will see great success when you start to meet your own needs and solidify your self-identity.

Attachment Style Dismissive Avoidant

With an avoidant attachment style you are likely to be slow to warm up to others. You may come across as cold or distant. Emotions can be quite difficult for you because during childhood it was not safe for you to be vulnerable. You likely experienced neglect from your caregiver growing up. 

Your go-to emotions are irritation and impatience with your partner. You can also feel often like trapped or swallowed by your partner or close relationships. You are very practical, grounded, and tend to be very high achieving. Your work is to get in touch with your emotions, learn to be vulnerable, and share needs and boundaries from a grounded non-reactionary place.

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Attachment Style Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized 

This is also known as disorganized or anxious avoidant attachment style. As a fearful avoidant you oscillate between anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant strategies. You are charming and very present when meeting new people. You run hot and cold with your emotions. You crave intimacy but it can also be scary. You struggle with trust in relationships because you couldn’t trust your caregiver growing up. You likely experienced trauma in your childhood. Your go-to emotion is anger when you feel trapped, helpless, or powerless in a situation. You probably don’t like setting boundaries and often set them from a reactionary place. Your work is to build self-trust by both learning how to self-soothe and get in touch with your emotions. 

Secure Attachment Style 

As a secure attachment type you tend to be very in touch with your emotions. You know how to self-soothe and process emotions when you are triggered. You are aware of your emotions in the moment and feel comfortable sharing them with others. You understand that boundaries are important and have no problem sharing them with others. You might need help with resolving an old belief. Getting coaching or support is helpful when you're going through a difficult time in your life like divorce or a loss.

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