We’re a little bit ranty this week, but it’s all for a good cause. A new-to-us red flag appears to be submissives being “tested” on their D/s relationship without knowing it, without consenting to it, and without cause. Are there ways to prove yourself to each other in a D/s relationship? Definitely but not the way it’s been described by confused, upset, and/or angry submissives.

In this episode:

* Our giveaway winner for the 100th episode is….LewdVulpine! Find her on Fetlife or in the Loving BDSM community!

* We know there have been problems with the website. We’re working on it with great help, and hope to have it better as soon as possible.

Tests aren’t required in D/s.

You can have challenges or tests in your dynamic but only if it’s negotiated and agreed to by both of you.

“Testing” a partner without their consent and then punishing them if they fail is wrong, lacks consent, and manipulative.

The real “tests” aren’t tests at all.

Links from the show:

5 Real Ways to Prove Yourself in D/s Relationships

From Daddy’s Desk: Silence as Punishment (YouTube video)

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In episode 102, we’re talking about the idea of equality in a D/s relationship. We each come at this in different, but not opposite ways. Are the people in a D/s relationship equal or should they have balance? Or should it be a combination of both? We don’t claim to have all the answers but we do have plenty of thoughts.

In this episode:

* The 100th episode giveaway has ended. The winner will be announced (with their permission) next week.

* Kayla’s random lube giveaway is still going on!

Are D/s relationships equal?

Should we call it equality or balance?

Why balance matters (according to Kayla)

What equal or balanced looks like in your D/s relationship is unique to you

Both D and s should get something positive from the exchange – call it balance or equality or whatever you’d like

When a relationship is no longer equal or balanced, you have to talk about it. A small change might be enough or it may be time for something more drastic.

Links from the show:

Random Lube Giveaway

5 Signs of an Unhealthy Imbalance in Your D/s Relationship

Financial Control in Our D/s Relationship (Episode 13)

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This week we’re talking about something we’ve mentioned in dozens of episodes but never really focused on before – understanding bad tapes (yours and your partner’s) and how they impact your life and your relationships. We also talk about to deal with bad tapes and ideas to help overcome them.

In this episode:

* Our 100 episode giveaway is still going on – sponsored by Godemiche!

* Kayla has a random lube giveaway on her website through October 12, 2017

* Kinky Book Club is reading The Siren by Tiffany Reisz in October

* The next submissive meeting – live-streamed and available for Kinky Fuckery members – is September 30, 2017 at 8pm eastern

* What are bad tapes?

* Figuring out your bad tapes

* Talking about them with a partner

* Be careful about “diagnosing” your partner with bad tapes

* Bad tapes can impact who you choose as a partner

* Understanding how bad tapes affect your relationship

* Communicating about your bad tapes – and your partners

* How to work through them together

* Seek professional help for bad tapes or the situations that created them that are severe or overwhelming

Links from the show:

Random Lube Giveaway

Godemiche

Word Wytch

Brene Brown

5 Bad Tapes That Can Interfere in Your D/s Relationship

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We’ve finally made it to the 100th episode of Loving BDSM! Woohoooooo!!!! And how the heck did we get here? With a little help from a few good episodes and all our amazing listeners. To celebrate, we’re counting down our top ten episodes of all time (so far). No, we won’t re-do the topics in this show – no one has time to listen for that long – but we do hit a few points about each one as a refresher. Plus, make sure you enter the 100th Episode Giveaway!!

In this episode:

* Enter the 100th Episode Giveaway sponsored in part by Godemiche! (Scroll down)

Top 10 episodes from the last 100

* We want to do more in the next 100 episodes – on the show and in the community.

* Ideas going forward:

Creating a couple or family membership level so you pay once and everyone in your relationship gets access to everything under their own ID

Written transcripts of all previous episodes and new ones going forward

Audio recordings for blog posts for people who don’t want to or can’t read for any reason.

More video content – for members only and on YouTube

* We’ll likely begin doing membership drives – and if you’ve been thinking about now it, now is a GREAT time to join!

 

Links from the show:

Godemiche

10: Long Distance Relationships Part 1 – Episode 83

9: Using Labels to Figure Out Your Kink – Episode 56

8: Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s – Episode 66

7: Roles You Have in Your Relationships that Aren’t D/s – Episode 81

6: Spankings – Episode 59

5: When Your Kink Identity is Discovered – Episode 82

4: The Emotional Impact of Kink and D/s in the Beginning – Episode 80

3: Discipline and Punishment – Episode 58

2: Setting a Scene in D/s – Episode 85

1: How to Train Your Submissive in a D/s Relationship – Episode 48

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We refuse to call this the 100th episode. It’s more like 99a or 99 and a half but not the 100th episode. With so many people reaching out to check on us because of Hurricane Irma, we wanted to give everyone an update. The short version: we’re fine. Want to hear us ramble about it for 20 minutes? You know what to do…

Links from the show:

It Began to Feel Like Hurricane Porn (blog post)

Growing Up With Hurricanes Part One (blog post)

Growing Up With Hurricanes Part Two (blog post)

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This week we’re talking about collars and collaring ceremonies. We don’t tell you whether you should have a collar or not, or what type to get. Like everything else we do in kink and BDSM, collars and how people feeling about them exist on a spectrum.

In this episode:

* Our giveaway winner is Rye or @CollaredMom (on Twitter)!

There are multiple different types of collars. 

Not everyone cares about wearing collars or being collared.

Those who do consider them extremely important.

Collaring ceremonies can be as important and meaningful as a wedding.

Collars and collarings are unique to the people involved and can be anything you want them to be.

Links from the show:

6 Different Types of BDSM Collars (blog post)

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This week, we’re talking about BDSM scenes again but this time, the focus is on what happens when good BDSM scenes go bad and how to prevent most problems before they happen.

In this episode:

* Check out our Redbubble shop for Loving BDSM merchandise especially if “Coffee is your love language!”

Not every BDSM scene will go according to plan.

Prevention is the best medicine – enthusiastic and informed consent, being honest about limits, emotional triggers.

Even with best intentions, things can still go wrong. Don’t panic. Remain calm.

Check on each other.

Talk about what happened.

If you feel up for it, keep going or try again later.

You’re not a failure if your kinky idea didn’t go the way you expect it to.

Links from the show:

Shop our store!

4 Ways Your BDSM Scene Can Accidentally Go Wrong (blog post)

Setting a Kinky Scene (episode 85)

4 Different Types of Kinky Scenes (blog post)

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In episode 97, we bare our souls a bit to share how we started coasting along in our D/s relationship only to find we’d coasted in separate directions. We caught it in time, but not everyone does. Hopefully, our struggles with not paying enough attention will help someone else help your own D/s relationship.

In this episode:

* We’re on YouTube and Fetlife now! Expect short video content soon.

* With help from Godemiche, our current giveaway bumped up from $25 in Loving BDSM merchandise to $50 for the winner. Plus, they’re sponsoring our 100th episode giveaway!

* If you’ve heard of Godemiche and it hasn’t been good, we briefly discuss their recent controversies so that everyone is informed and can make a decision that’s right for you.

* Enter our current giveaway!

* We coasted through our relationship for several weeks and drifted apart on a D/s level.

* Both of us had things on our mind but neither talked about it.

* We were both dissatisfied with what we were doing and not doing – and neither of us talked about it.

* Nothing major happened, we just let things ride because it seemed easier or because we were worried about stressing the other one out.

* The fix has been being more mindful of how we behave plus long conversations, plans for changes, and time to implement them.

Links from the show:

Loving BDSM giveaway

Godemiche

Loving BDSM on Fetlife

Loving BDSM on YouTube

How to Start Communicating Again and Reset Your D/s Relationship

How to Help Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship (Episode 28)

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (Episode 38)

Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s (Episode 66)

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In episode 96, we talk about transitioning your relationship from vanilla to kink when the submissive leads their Dominant partner – at least in the beginning as they’re learning.

In this episode:

* Enter our 2 Year Anniversary giveaway!

What does it mean when the submissive leads the transition to D/s

Leading is not topping from the bottom

You must be patient

Consider the way you share information, point in the right direction, and communicate as a way of serving your Dom

Not every relationship is meant to transition. Your partner might not be a Dominant or want to go in that path.

Links from the show:

Loving BDSM giveaway

5 Ways Submissives Can Support Their Dominants Who are New to D/s

Making the Switch from Vanilla to D/s (Episode 16)

Kink of the Week Entry: Kinky Titles are Different for All of Us

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This week for episode 95, the topic is aftercare – what it is, how to offer it, and how it’s different for everyone.

In this episode:

What is aftercare?

How do you do it?

When should you offer aftercare?

Do Doms need aftercare?

Making aftercare work for you

Links from the show:

Shop Loving BDSM merchandise

Check out the Kink Craft podcast – We’re on their Protectors episode!

Aftercare: Finding What Works For You

Postcard Shout-Out: Shihyukuo (Fetlife)

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