Mama Shrink

Temperaments of strong-willed children can change at a moment’s notice. One minute they are fine and the next minute they’re angry and defiant. Parenting a strong-willed child is a challenge. I feel for parents, especially single parents, who are doing this on their own. I want you to know that you are not alone.

I’ve dealt with this professionally and personally. A lot of parents come in to see me asking for strategies and coping mechanisms for dealing with a strong-willed child. I also have a strong-willed child myself, Lucas, my 5-year old son and I am going to share this story with you as well.

I hope that the personal experiences, examples and tips I share with you today will give you the strength to keep going. It is something you can manage. If you are equipped with the right parenting style, the best strategies and lots of patience, it is a temperament that you can change. It may take a long time, it may be hard, but it is possible.

[04:47] Food, diet, and medications may affect a strong-willed child’s temperament.

[11:52] There are three basic types of parenting: permissive, authoritative, and the best type - authoritarian.

[21:19] Authoritarian parenting is fair and compassionate. You make sure your child follows the rules. Kids want to feel they are heard so listen to what they have to say but it doesn’t mean that you’re always going to agree with it or that there would be no consequences for bad decisions.

[23:07] In authoritarian parenting, punishments should fit the crime and you should be firm on it; kids are heard and given a voice but they don’t make the final decisions; and, parents practice a calm temperament.

[28:09] The big five of parenting the strong-willed child: be nice, set your expectations up in advance, set firm limits, be consistent, forgive. These things may be hard to do but it can help your child immensely.

[38:09] 5 fast-action parenting tips and examples on how to implement them: 1) Give only 2 choices to your child. 2) Use a timer for kids who need a time limit setting. 3) Use effective consequences. 4) Use time-out. 5) Use positive motivation.

[44:11] As parents, we need to model good behavior. Kids are very good observers and they learn by seeing what you do. You can’t say one thing and do another. Set a good example.

[46:22] Timeout is super effective as long as you use it correctly. Here are 5 steps for an effective timeout. 1) Introduce what timeout is. 2) A timeout has to be brief and consistent. 3) Timeout has to be somewhere where there are no distractions. 4) Set a timer. 5) Explain the timeout to your kids.

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In the previous episode I talked about setting boundaries and touched on what energy vampires and toxic people are. This time we are going to focus our conversation on those people.

Letting go of these energy vampires isn’t always easy because sometimes (if not most of the time) these people are our relatives, closest friends, or people we love. But I can tell you right now, no one has ever regretted letting go of a toxic person in their life.

It may not be an option for you to let go, but it is an option for you to set firm boundaries that will make you feel lighter and happier. So today, I want to share with you how you can identify and recognize energy vampires in your life and what you can do with them once you know who they are and what they do to you.

[04:52] An energy vampire is someone who makes you feel depleted and uncomfortable.

[05:36] Toxic people hold many characteristics. They always playing the victim, often interrupts people, don’t look happy, are help rejecting complainers, can’t be pleased, take up a lot of your time, don’t respect your boundaries, call when they need something from you, have an energy that is exhausting. Almost always - everything is about them and you don’t feel happy around them.

[10:03] Think about the energy vampires in your life, what they do to you, how they make you feel, and how you can start setting boundaries with these persons. Recognize what it looks like in your life and the problem it’s creating. It’s your first step towards change.

[13:16] There are many reasons why it’s difficult to release people even if they are toxic like manipulation, fear, and so much more. If you practice it, set boundaries and engage in self-care, removing someone from your life will become easier and easier.

[21:12] Risks are involved when you don’t let toxic people go but there are also risks when you keep them in your life. Toxic people don’t and won’t change. They will continue to make you feel depleted, stressed, and unhappy. Stop the relationship or set firm boundaries in place.

[23:44] Letting go of a toxic person in your life may be painful but it can impact you in a positive way and new energy may come into your life. It’s not an easy thing to do but you will feel relieved, better, and happier once it’s done.

[27:43] If you think that you are the toxic person in someone’s life, you can change it! Change happens because you want it. We can all change. We’re not stuck unless we want to be.

Links:

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Email: [email protected]

Setting boundaries is not an easy thing to do. I know because I am a people pleaser. I struggle with being assertive and telling people how I feel or think because I don’t want them to dislike or get mad at me. BUT I also know that it is super important for me to set boundaries in my life.

There will almost always be people who take advantage of us or deplete our energy. This is the reason why we need to set boundaries. We want to feel better and not be dragged in by negativity. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. It’s all up to us to set the limit.

I also believe that it’s hard to engage in self-care when we don’t set good boundaries in our life. I could spend weeks talking about this topic. But for today, I’m going to be giving you an overview to, hopefully, help you stop your struggle with setting boundaries in your life.

[03:11] We need to set boundaries in our life usually from people who take advantage of us and make us feel depleted. If we keep allowing people to do the things they want, they won’t change.

[05:04] Here are ten benefits of setting boundaries: you will have no more feelings of heaviness (physically and psychologically); you will have increased self-esteem, more time to enjoy your life, and more energy (physically and mentally); you will feel happier and empowered; you will be less stressed and depressed; you will be a good role model to your children; and you will bring in positive people that will enhance your life.

[06:35] Do this exercise on setting boundaries: think about a person you want to set a boundary with and picture your life 2 years from now if you (1) keep, (2) don’t keep, or (3) set good boundaries with this person in your life.

[10:58] Learn how to be more assertive when setting boundaries with people. Speak up for yourself. It’s a hard thing to do but with practice, it will become a bit easier.

[13:13] Assertiveness is a means of self-care that involves communicating honestly with yourself and with another person in a way that takes into account your rights and their rights.

[21:04] Start setting boundaries by: (1) Wording it as statements so it won’t be put up for negotiation. Someone may negotiate but stick to your statement. (2) Starting to say no and not feeling bad about it. (3) Thinking about this: every time you say yes to something you don’t want to be doing, you are saying no to something else.

[27:05] Other ways you can create boundaries in your life: turn off your phone ringer, don’t answer the phone if you don’t feel like talking, buy yourself some time, do a gut check, take a break every day, set reasonable hours for yourself, start delegating and asking for help, and stop taking on more than you can handle.

[33:00] A lot of people in your life, especially if they’re toxic, might not like the boundaries you’re setting and that’s okay. You are not being selfish. Remember, this is your life and if you don’t start doing this for yourself, no one is going to.

[33:58] Set boundaries with your children because they absolutely need them. They need to know that in the real world they will have boundaries and people are going to say no to them.

[34:57] Focus on setting a goal for yourself in setting boundaries in your life. It’s difficult to do but it’s important and absolutely life changing.

Self-care is something that many women and moms struggle with. This is actually one of the main reasons why I created Mama Shrink. I am passionate about helping moms focus on taking care of themselves.

More often than not, it’s so hard to find time for ourselves as moms, more so engage in self-care. I’ve struggled with this myself - believe me! I want to be open and honest with you and let you know that you are not alone. I’ve worked so hard to overcome it. It’s not easy but it’s something that’s so important to do in your life, even for just 5 to 10 minutes a day.

Remember mama, there is always time. We all get the same 24 hours a day but we just have to be better in figuring out how to use it.

I really want moms to feel confident about self-care because my belief is you can’t really be a great mom if you can’t take care of yourself. So, I am sharing with you why self-care is so important and how to start it in your life today:

[03:00] Self-care isn’t it’s not selfish. It is a necessity is that we need in order to be able to do our responsibilities.

[04:20] The 4 main reasons that prevent women from engaging in self-care are: guilt, judgement, perfectionism, and time. We have to let go of and overcome these things to stop feeling depleted and to be able to engage in good self-care.

[13:40] When we don’t engage in self care, we’re not available to help other people. The self-care that you’re feeling bad about creating for yourself is actually going to end up completely destroying you if you don’t engage in it.

[17:13] Self-care can mean different things for different people. What you are feeling deprived of is probably the first thing that needs to come into your self-care.

[20:00] If you’re finding yourself struggling with self-care or making any time for yourself during the day, just go back and think about the 4 reasons I mentioned earlier and ask yourself: “What do I need to look at?” and “How do I start doing something for myself?” Focus on what to do and start it tomorrow. Make it something that fuels your soul, makes you feel good, and something that you truly want to be doing.

Links:

Mama Shrink Website

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Email: [email protected]