Maximize Your Influence

The Brick Wall of Resistance

Has this ever happened to you? You enter a retail store and you're approached by a sharply dressed persuader. You are interested in buying, but the salesperson is a little aggressive. You get an alarming feeling in the pit of your stomach and then do what many of your customers do to you. You lie! You say, "I'm just looking; I'll come back later," or "It's too expensive," or "I have to talk to my spouse before I decide." What you're really thinking is "I don't like this guy," or "I don't trust her," or "Something didn't feel quite right." In the end, you never go back to this store, you never recommend it, and neither the store owner nor the persuader ever knows why. This is a large brick in the Brick Wall of Resistance.

This obstacle is truly a silent persuasion killer. Most people will never say anything to you to alert you to the fact they are feeling this way. They are more comfortable lying to you—so they don't hurt your feelings. They walk away and simply never deal with you again. The reason this obstacle is such a killer is because we don't even realize we're doing it. We are offending people and don't even know it. You may think you're just being friendly or enthusiastic, but be careful. While friendliness and enthusiasm are great attributes, if there is even so much as a hint of force, deception, hype, or selling underlying any of it, you've pretty much sunk the deal.

Audiences are tough. Ever-smarter consumers have built a lot of resistance to the old style of persuading; many people have a brick wall of resistance up before you've even started your presentation. They assume you're going to be the sleazy, manipulative sales guy before you've even had a chance to speak. They are all ready to resist you before you start.

What do you do to overcome this tendency? Your persuasion attempts must be nonthreatening and very natural. Forget loud and flashy. That strategy only encourages resistance. And most definitely forget about high pressure.

Not only does that solidify the wall of resistance in that particular moment, but the wall will increase in size. When people feel they have been pressured, bullied, or coerced into buying or doing something they don't need or want, they are resentful. They will never do business with you again. They will detest you for "tricking," "manipulating," "selling," or "forcing" them. They will bad-mouth you to all of their friends and family—even to people they don't know! You can end up losing not only this one person but, as the grapevine goes, potentially hundreds of others as well.

Great persuaders have cultivated a sixth sense when it comes to the "push and pull" aspect of persuasion. You must encourage without pushing. Entice, but don't ensnare. You have to sense and then predict, based upon knowledge, instinct, experience, and nonverbal cues, what you can do and how your audience will respond. With this sensitivity, which you can learn, there won't be any smacking head first into the brick wall of resistance.

Many times, when we are trying to be persuasive, we want to highlight all the perks and plusses. It's only natural. Wouldn't helping someone see the potential gains of your product or service be a good thing? Yes, but here is the issue: Your audience will buy for their own reasons and only their reasons. They don't care about why you like the product or service. They don't care how much you know about it—don't bury them in detail. The more you spout off about features, the more your audience mentally checks out.

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When you want to draw attention to the benefits of a product or service, the best thing to do is uncover the features or benefits your audience is looking for first. Why spend precious time and energy highlighting things they don't care about? Let them tell you what they're looking for, and then center your discussion around those few key points. It is critical to remember that most people already know what they want. In fact, your audience's mindset often is looking for reasons not to buy. It is a natural defense mechanism. They're thinking, "How do I make sure I'm not getting myself into something I'll regret? What could go wrong?"

There is another way spouting and spewing too much information can backfire: You might actually feature something they're not interested in or something they even see as a drawback. Why give them reasons not to buy? Again, let them tell you what they're looking for. After you've discussed what they care about, afterthey've made the decision to buy, then and only then should you fill in any remaining blanks with other benefits or features. Don't oversell by cluttering or distracting the few most important key points.

Great persuaders are congrooent, but what is congrooence? When things match, we don't notice, but if something seems off, it grabs our attention either consciously or subconsciously. Just like the misspellings in the first sentence of this paragraph. You noticed it and your mind told you something was wrong with that word. Congruence is when your words match your actions. Agreement and harmony between what you say and what you do are paramount to instilling trust in those you work with. The more consistent and congruent you are in every aspect of your life, the more honest and genuine you're perceived to be. If you believe in your message, you'll practice what you preach. If you practice what you preach, you'll be more authentic, and the door of trust will then swing wide open for you. When you possess congruency, there's no need to manipulate or camouflage your behavior.

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Are you congruent with your history, your last interaction, and your reputation? Does your nonverbal behavior match your actions? Are your emotions congruent with your message? What are your audience's expectations of you and your message? When your past history and your message don't match, flags of incongruity will wave in your audience's face. Suspicion will be roused and your audience will start to look for things that are wrong with you or your message. This inconsistency will decrease your ability to gain influence and trust. That's because humans are natural lie detectors. When we attempt to fake congruence, we must also spend our time and energy trying to fake our message.

You have to be careful in how you explain and exhibit your credibility. If you launch into a laundry list of your accomplishments or of your education and titles, you might be perceived as a self-centered. Take advantage of less direct or less self-proclaiming ways to show your audience how competent you are.

For example, you can hang your degrees on the wall, have someone else give a brief bio, or have someone else offer his recommendation of you. You can borrow credibility from others using a testimonial or statement from them. Credibility can also be defined as "having expertise, trustworthiness, goodwill, dynamism, extroversion, sociability, composure, or expertise."(7)

Trust builds with dependability. Do you have a track record? Are you a person of your word? When you make an appointment, are you there on time? When you commit to doing something for someone, does it get done as promised? Do you think they will forget—well they don't? They usually just won't bring it up.

When you make a promise, do you make sure it is kept, or are you full of excuses and alibis. Be reliable and follow through with all your promises. Credibility is "the single biggest variable under the speaker's control during the presentation."(8)

Another way to boost your credibility is to present yourself in a calm, organized, and authoritative manner. Being overly emotional or flustered throws your credibility out the window. Consider the most highly successful attorneys or CEOs.

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No matter how rushed or pressured they are, you don't ever see them running into the room, slamming their stuff down on the table, and throwing themselves into their chairs. No! They are absolutely composed at all times. That's because they must always convey an air of authority and control. Jury studies show that lawyers who appear well organized are thought of as being more thorough and better prepared than their disorganized counterparts, which of course increases their credibility.

Does confidence affect your ability to persuade? The answer is a resounding yes. It is important that you do not come across as cocky or arrogant. How can you tell the difference? It's all about the intention. Confidence is motivated by a sincere desire to serve—you can help make a difference, and you know you can do a great job. You know that you have the tools, resources, ability, and inclination to do the job that's required of you. In contrast, cockiness is driven by a need to serve yourself, instead of serving others.

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Deep down, cockiness actually reveals insecurity—the very opposite of confidence. The distinguishing feature seems to be intent. Cocky individuals seek approval, recognition, and honor from all the wrong sources, in all the wrong ways, and for all the wrong reasons. They are really looking for pats on their own back. Cockiness is self-centered, whereas confidence is people-centered. Cockiness is about the persuader and confidence is about the customer.

Cocky or arrogant behavior usually elicits these types of complaints:

• He acted like he owned the place.
• She treated me like a child.
• She did not listen to what I wanted.
• He didn't ask permission to . . .
• He blamed others.
• She did not own up to her mistake.
• He never answered my question.
• She always has to be right.
• He is arrogant and condescending.

Competence is your knowledge and ability in a particular subject area. True competence comes from lifelong learning and experience. Competency exists on many levels. When we are observing someone from a distance, or when we are meeting them for the first time and our experience with them is very limited, we subconsciously perceive and assign them a certain competency level. These assumptions are usually based on external things, such as their title, their position, their height, how they dress, their demeanor, which kind of car they're driving, the décor of their home or office, how they talk, their tone of voice, how they carry themselves or even things like what kinds of electronic devices they use.

These initial impressions are important, because they can influence whether or not someone will pursue working with you. But then you have to be sure you possess true competence—not just perceived competence. Can you really do what you say you can do? Can you deliver? Does your audience think you have the skills, the knowledge, and the resources? Whether or not you have this deeper level of competence becomes glaringly obvious as people interact and work with you.

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One of the key ways to keep your competency on track is to be a lifetime learner. We consider others to be competent when we see them continually learning and advancing their training and education. I can remember going to buy computer products and discovering that I knew more about the product than the sales reps did (and I didn't know much). In an attempt to cover up their lack of knowledge, these ill-informed salespeople tried to bluff their way through my questions. If they had kept themselves educated about the product, the field, and the industry, then they would not have lost my trust in them as competent professionals—and they would not have lost a customer. Learn to become the best in your field.

Character is the combination of qualities that distinguishes one person from another. These qualities make up who you are on the inside—not the external front you may sometimes put up. Who are you, really? What do you do when no one is watching, when there is no one to impress? How do you treat people when you don't need something from them? Character is also made up of such qualities as integrity, honesty, sincerity, and predictability.

I consider solid character to be at the very foundation of one's ability to succeed. No success is going to be profound or lasting in its effects if it stems from questionable ethics, motives, or behaviors. In his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey offers a powerful explanation for how character is crucial to one's ultimate success:

If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other—while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity or insincerity—then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do—even using so-called good human relations techniques—will be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success.

The right smile could boost trust—and giving

Even if you're an honest person of admirable character, it is human nature for people to cast sweeping judgments and formulate opinions without all the facts. So, if you want genuine trust and lasting persuasion, you must avoid even the slightest appearance of anything that might be considered dishonest. If you never place yourself in a situation where one might be misled about you or your integrity, then your good, hard-earned reputation will never be compromised.

Whenever someone tries to influence us, in our minds we ask ourselves, "Can I trust this person? Do I believe him? Is she really concerned about me?" We are less likely to be influenced if we sense that the person trying to persuade us is driven solely by self-interest. Trust is the glue that holds the entire persuasion process together.

Trust is created when you put your audience's interests and wants before your own. Many times trust comes when your audience feels you are predictable. For some people, trust is a leap of faith; they simply want and need to believe in the persuader's intentions. Research shows that, deep down, people want to trust others.

If you can't assume that your audience automatically trusts you, then your next focus should be on how to acquire this sense of trust as early on in the persuasion process as possible. To do this, it's helpful to understand how trust works. Most people can't explain why they trust certain people more or less than others.

Usually there is not a lot of rational thought behind it; more often, it is an instinct or feeling about the particular person. Your audience will feel you out, trying to discern whether or not they can trust you and how much. Remember it is a sliding scale. This means that you want to be perceived as trustworthy right away, before your audience members even know you (because, fair or not, they're already making judgment calls about you at this point).

Then, you can demonstrate that this trustworthiness is genuine through your correspondence and interactions. Gaining and keeping trust for both the short term and the long term is vital to your success as a persuader.

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The more a brand is advertised, the more popular and familiar it is perceived to be. We as consumers somehow infer that something is popular simply because it is advertised. When people are buying gifts for others, social proof is one of the most effective techniques that a salesclerk can use."

Many salespeople find great success in telling clients that a particular product is their "best-selling" or "most popular" on hand because social validation increases their credibility of the product. When customers feel that something is more popular, they spend more money to acquire it, even if there is no proof other than the salesperson's word.

So it is with advertising: Asserting that a product is in super-high demand or that it is the most popular or fastest selling, etc., seems to provide proof enough. When consumers perceive a product is popular, that's often all they need to go out and purchase it.

Link to Article:

Making Social Validation Work or Application

The power of social validation can be used to your benefit in any persuasive situation. When your product or service is socially validated, people are most likely to use it or switch to it. People are always looking around and comparing themselves to see if they line up with everyone else. If they feel a discrepancy between where they are and where everyone else is, they will most likely conform to the group standard.

How Can You Increase Social Validation? Is Your Product/Service…

• Best-selling
• Number one
• Top 10
• Fasting growing
• Most Popular
• Newest trend
• Standard issue

Competence is your knowledge and ability in a particular subject area. True competence comes from lifelong learning and experience. Competency exists on many levels. When we are observing someone from a distance, or when we are meeting them for the first time and our experience with them is very limited, we subconsciously perceive and assign them a certain competency level.

These assumptions are usually based on external things, such as their title, their position, their height, how they dress, their demeanor, which kind of car they're driving, the décor of their home or office, how they talk, their tone of voice, how they carry themselves or even things like what kinds of electronic devices they use. These initial impressions are important, because they can influence whether or not someone will pursue working with you.

But then you have to be sure you possess true competence—not just perceived competence. Can you really do what you say you can do? Can you deliver? Does your audience think you have the skills, the knowledge, and the resources? Whether or not you have this deeper level of competence becomes glaringly obvious as people interact and work with you.

Article

One of the key ways to keep your competency on track is to be a lifetime learner. We consider others to be competent when we see them continually learning and advancing their training and education. I can remember going to buy computer products and discovering that I knew more about the product than the sales reps did (and I didn't know much).

In an attempt to cover up their lack of knowledge, these ill-informed salespeople tried to bluff their way through my questions. If they had kept themselves educated about the product, the field, and the industry, then they would not have lost my trust in them as competent professionals—and they would not have lost a customer. Learn to become the best in your field. Demonstrate you know your area of expertise.