Mindfulness Mode

What could make your life 100 percent better? A lot of people think more money would do that, or materials things like a boat, a new car or a beautiful new home.

Does personal peace mean the same thing to you as contentment? Does it mean the same thing as calmness? For me, I think personal peace is being calm and content and peaceful all at the same time.

To me, happiness is something that comes out of being calm, content, and peaceful. I think personal peace is a great goal to strive for.

Today I’m talking about jealousy and how to convert it into personal peace. Jealousy is something that feels very negative, very nasty to me.

Although it is not usually considered to be a primary emotion such as fear, sadness or joy, jealousy is an emotional process that is clinically and socially relevant to psychologists. Jealousy is an emotional response to the threat of losing a valued relationship to a rival.

Jealousy can stand in the way of living your life as a secure and fulfilled individual. Though it's a natural emotion, you can learn to control the negative aspects of jealousy.

Understanding and overcoming your jealousy can be a way of better understanding yourself and what drives you, and ultimately can make you a healthier, more well-rounded person.

Jealousy can cause all sorts of nasty feelings, can ruin relationships, and can also be like a toxin inside us. There have been times in my life when I realized I was feeling jealousy. You know what? I immediately wanted to push that feeling away. I didn’t want to believe that I was feeling jealousy. Now I realize that it’s important to identify that feeling and notice exactly how it feels in my body. The answer is, it feels like toxin. It feels like sticky, yucky, gross, poison. As soon as a allow myself to notice how gross and ugly it is, it becomes way bigger and more noticeable.

Then I make note of what I was feeling jealous about. I write it down. I write about that particular aspect of my life. I notice that I have to force myself to do this, because it doesn’t come naturally.

I take a few deep breaths, and make myself stay with this activity until I have at least 200 words or so. I like to write using my computer, so I can see how many words I have written whenever I want. I find typing to be therapeutic, and so I just keep writing until I feel like I’ve at least partially covered the topic.

I realize I’ve been jealous of people who have, what I consider, a nicer house than me. Or a more awesome car, or a more recent one. After I start writing about it, I start realizing how much I actually have. I realize that I’m happy with my house, my car, and my personal stuff.

Of course, sometimes I’m jealous of someone’s talent or skill. Lots of people have skills that I don’t even come close to. Leadership skills, speaking skills, athletic skills. I mean, no matter what ability I can think of, I know I might meet someone tomorrow that has way more skill in that area than I do.

Again, I know that if I meditate on that subject, or write on the topic, before long I’m feeling grateful for what I have, and I realize that I have a beautiful life in so many ways.

So the way to turn jealousy into personal peace, is by first, identifying the jealousy, then being direct and thinking about all the aspects of whatever it is that you're jealous about.

Then start converting your thoughts to gratefulness. You'll find you're grateful for many things in your life, and once you start truly thinking about what you're grateful for, the jealousy begins to deflate, it begins to fade away.

• Book: The Wisdom of No Escape: and the Path of Loving-Kindness by Pema Chodron

• Modern Spirituality with Ben Decker

Jamie Sabat is the Founder of Distill and Express, a health and wellness consultancy specializing in natural solutions. With over 15 years of experience in the trend forecasting industry, Jamie is a thought-leader and early identifier of long-range trends in the wellness space. She is a trailblazer in her industry, discovering healthy ingredients for food, the hippest workouts and innovations in activewear. As a Wellprenuer, Jamie provides the opportunity and game plan, empowering women to live a life of abundance in health, wealth, love, and happiness.  Jamie’s journey of manifesting began with the important decision to live the life she truly desired. What followed was the resolve to let nothing stand in her way of attaining that goal. Jamie accepted herself as her own client and dedicated herself to the practice of manifesting the best life possible. Today, Jamie is sharing what she has learned about implementing principles of manifestation into everyday life. Her practice includes Reiki, essential oils, TIME techniques, and hypnosis.

• Website: www.MasteringYourSecondAct.com

• Abraham Hicks

• Emotions are everything. I feel like the EQ is super important.

• I love breath work so much. It's a consciousness.

• Book: Outwitting The Devil by Napoleon Hill

• I haven't really encountered bullying, but I think it is really important to speak up and seek help. There are the two sides, obviously.

• Learn The Language of Mindfulness; Brett Hill

We’ve been talking about hate, pain, and anger, and I’m going to continue with that today. Many of you have sent me emails saying you want more insight into that, especially anger and hate. So here we go. I always love getting emails from you. Tell me what you think of this episode. Email your thoughts to me at [email protected].

Yesterday, I was listening to an interview where a scientist was catching fish, tagging them, and throwing them back in the water for research purposes. He’d been doing this for months, and he and his family and community members were all helping and they had caught hundreds of fish. They were aiming for 10,000.

I started to think how confused those fish would be, if they could actually think about what was happening to them and their friends and family. They would likely start thinking something was very messed up in their world. They’d probably be thinking they’re in the wrong place, they don’t belong there.

Do you ever feel like you’re messed up and you’re not able to figure out the world you live in? If yes, then you’re not alone. My clients tell me this a lot. They say, they feel like they’re on another planet and that all the beings living there are aliens that they just don’t understand.

I once coached a gym teacher, and helped him with some of his demons. I spent 5 sessions working with him, let’s called him, Dave. He had an overflow of anger and he’d get angry with his students and then later regret it. There had been parent complaints and 2 meetings with his principal. Dave’s first hypnosis session revealed 2 incidents that had happened before he was 5 years old. He hadn’t remembered either one in his conscious mind, but during hypnosis, they came out with vivid detail.

Later we were able to work on forgiveness. There was one person in his life that had caused him more pain than any other, and we worked through that. We talked about forgiveness, and how forgiveness would be for him, not for the other person. We moved through a whole process of forgiveness, including forgiveness of self. He discovered he had a deep level of shame that he’d never before identified.

Like I said, it took 5 sessions, and he was able to look at life differently and feel a whole new level of calmness. He told me, he said, “Bruce, I can’t believe how much focus I have, and how much drive”.

Dave was a man of few words, but at the end of the 5 sessions, he told me that he couldn’t believe how different he felt, and how much peace he was feeling as a result of our hypnosis sessions.

Tune in to the episode to learn how to take action to deal with hate, pain, and anger.

• Book: How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera

• 435 Reclaim Your Health and Freedom With A Walking Life; Antonia Malchik

Special Offer

Sean Sessel helps individuals escape burnout jobs and craft careers that truly inspire and pay well. He works with people to prevent self-sabotage, dissolves stress, and discover their personal power & value. Sean Sessel is a voracious learner with a fervent belief in the ability of the individual to better himself or herself. Through an epiphany, he discovered that he derived intrinsic enjoyment from continual learning and the sharing of knowledge with others. As a result, he decided to make a career of it and started The Oculus Institute. Sean developed a unique system called psychohacking that is fundamentally different and more powerful than other schools of internal work; like NLP and LOA (Law Of Attraction). Psychohacking is grounded in truth (not selectively choosing beliefs/references or focusing only on the positive), and it uses observation to deconstruct mental barriers subconsciously.

• Website: www.oculusinstitute.com

• Mark Faumuser, my mentor

• I don't see my emotions as mine. They're happening and they're present in my space but I don't have to be attached to them.

• This is something I only learned this year. I didn't realize it till this year that I did breathing wrong for most of my life. Light and low, soft and slow. I did some breathing training recently with some bio-hackers in Austin.

• Book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• I was bullied a lot as a kid. I'm probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. I'm very open about that and I know myself well. Having that distance is what's allowed me to understand people so well.

• 106 All Humans Are Connected To A Universal Energy Explains Julie Zuzek

Taking Action For Survival is the title of today’s episode. Last week I talked about Attachment Theory and what that means. Are you feeling as though your life is out of control? Do you have the sense that no matter how hard you try to move forward in life, things are just not working out for you? Some form of childhood trauma may be causing this in your life. So what can you do about it? How can you take control of your life?

I told you last week that one of the things you can do is to become more aware of your subconscious mind and how it is controlling your actions. I suggested you take notice of your thought patterns and how they are probably responsible for keeping you stuck in a particular place. Many of us have a war going on between our conscious and subconscious minds. If your conscious mind wants one thing and your subconscious mind is determined to have something else happen for you, then your two minds are in a major conflict and you are going to suffer in some way. Your suffering may appear in the form of anxiety, stress, inability to form relationships, or to keep relationships. Maybe you’re trapped in addiction of some kind and no matter how much you try, you can’t seem to set yourself free.

The subconscious mind is extremely powerful and your conscious mind is no match for the incredible power of the subconscious.

Tune in to the episode to learn how to take action.

• Book: How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera

• 209 Hug Your Bully To Your Heart Urges Lily Wong

Vernon Foster II is known for building bridges between worlds, people, and cultures through leveraging technology, the spoken word, and the pen. Vernon is no stranger to adventure and defying convention and that is obvious when he sought to become a generalist when the world valued specialization. Vernon opted to treat his 20's and early 30's as an experiment for building skills and honing his personal philosophy. Little did he know nor envision that his lifestyle would serve as a catalyst for creating a global movement and framework that would inspire others to follow suit. His work has been featured at Entrepreneur, General Assembly, The Good Men Project, and Podcast Movement.

• Website: www.The7LawsBook.com

• My brother, Tyrone Foster

• I'm able to recognize something for what it is. If I'm angry, they I recognize the anger. If I'm looking at someone and I'm judging them, I realize that's inside of me, that's why I can see it. Mindfulness has given me a toolkit to be able to move through life with a little bit more flow and joy and appreciation. 

• You can't live without breathing so if you're not breathing you're dead. I do a lot of yoga and meditation. Breathing is at the core of these practices, to get you into your body. When I breathe, it allows me to connect and recharge. It allows me to get to the root of being present. 

• Book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• I was bullied in a lot of ways but I was also a bully. I take full responsibility for that, but a lot of what I did was because i was lashing out, I was angry, I was hurt. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.

Attachment theory is connected to relationships and bonds between people, including long-term relationships, short-term relationships, parent-child relationships, and romantic relationships. It is a theory developed by the British psychologist, John Bowlby, who described attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”

If you believe your life is unfolding the way it is because of attachment issues, what can you do about it? How can you take control of your life?

One of the things you can do is to become more aware of your conscious mind and how it is controlling your actions. Notice your patterns and how they are keeping you in a particular place. Before I understood the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind, I felt like there was a war within myself. Having interviewed over 650 guests for Mindfulness Mode, I’ve come to believe that a majority of the populations is experiencing this ‘Inner Bully’ to a certain degree.

Tune into the episode to learn more about attachment theory.

• Book: How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera

• Personal Development For Success; Thais Gibson

Dr. Rosalind Tomkins is the founder and president of Mothers in Crisis, Inc., a non-profit organization committed to linking families and communities together to provide networks of support and encouragement for families to live productively, empowered, hope-filled lives. Recognized as a Hopeologist®, she received a Doctorate of Humanities Degree from the Five-Fold Ministry Theological University in 2012, recognizing her as a Humanitarian for the work that she has done to end drug and alcohol addiction. She’s the author of several books including Nimble Anointed Words Empower, As Long As There is Breath In Your Body, There is Hope, and You Are Beautiful. She’s also a columnist for the Tallahassee Democrat Newspaper and resides in Tallahassee, Florida.

• Website: www.Rosalindytompkins.com

• Jesus

• My blood pressure has gone down and I've become more active, and am able to stretch. I always wanted to be able to do that. My breathing is better and I have more energy.

• Breathing is so very important. I've learned to listen to different music and sounds that have helped facilitate that.

• Book: As Long As There Is Breath In Your Body There Is Still Hope by Rosalind Tompkins

• When you start talking about bullying and things of that nature, it automatically brings back memories of childhood and some of the situations that I have gone through as I was growing up in the south.

• 127 Become A Champion By Mindfully Focusing On The Process With Business Coach Greg Faxon

Hate is the topic today; how mindfulness, love, and compassion can help diminish hate. I did a search on my database of shows and found out that the word hate has never been used in any of my podcast titles. And that’s nearly 700 titles. I find that interesting. I’ve been thinking a lot about fear, anger and hate lately and how they are connected and I’ve come to the conclusion that hate is a huge problem in our world. Of course that's a huge understatement.

If hate is such a huge problem, why do we want to avoid the subject so much? Surely someone would have come on my show and talked about hate to the extent that the word would have ended up in the title?

Attachment disorder is something that we’ve talked about quite a bit on the show. It causes a lot of problems with our mindset and our ability to have lasting relationships. My topic next week is going to be attachment disorder, so tune in next week for that episode. 

Our inner bully causes all kinds of problems, and many of those problems boil down to fear and hate.

Is Your Ego Protecting You?

As you know, our ego is essentially trying to protect us, but sometimes it doesn’t do a very good job of that. Our ego can be shortsighted, and only think about protecting us now. It isn’t good at looking at our overall future and looking after us in the long run.

So here’s the reason I’m talking about hate today.

I focus every day on including thoughts in my meditation like, I see God in everyone and everything, with compassion. I meditate on that phrase and think about compassion a lot. I believe if I hate something and entertain the thought of hating something, that hate is going to be like a sticky, dark substance, creeping within my body and brain. It will expand and grow like the sourdough starter we had a few weeks ago in our kitchen. 

That’s how I think of hate. It’s very closely related to fear. It comes from fear. Fear stems from the unknown. It is a feeling of not knowing what’s coming next. Maybe I won’t be safe or maybe my family won't be safe.

Our ego wants us to be safe in every moment. Therefore, sometimes we have to step out of our safety-zone and do what feels dangerous. Doing that will cause us to grow, no matter what happens.

But what if we never step out of our safety zone? What if we decide to live a life of constant safety, never taking any kind of risk?

For me that sounds like a prison sentence. Being locked up so you can never have freedom to do things that seem different, risky, unique.

Why Talk About Hate?

I still haven't told you why hate is on my mind.

Last Sunday, a family in our city of London Ontario, went out for a relaxing evening walk. Mom and Dad, grandma, and the two children, their son, 9 and daughter 15.

They never returned home because a hate-filled man saw them on the sidewalk and killed them.

He didn’t shoot them. That might have happened in some places, but gun violence is not big here. He didn’t stab them or throw a grenade.

He saw them as he was driving his pickup truck down the street and he deliberately ran them down, killing 4 of them and injuring the 9 year old boy.

Police immediately stated that this was a deliberate hate crime against those people because of their culture and religion.

I am well aware that in some parts of the world, violence, bombing, and killing, against people because of their faith and culture, is fairly common. But it’s not common in Canada.

In fact, many people in the world think of Canada as peace loving and peace keeping. For years, people in war torn countries have emigrated to Canada, believing it’s a safe country to come to.

I certainly feel safe here in Canada, but I’m horrified to think of the hate that would cause a man to deliberately attack and kill an innocent family, a muslim family.

We don’t know a lot of details yet, but we know it was a hate crime. I feel so much pain about this. And this kind of hate and anger is directly connected to mindfulness.

When you begin to explore mindfulness, you begin to notic e your emotions. Maybe you’ve been suppressing them for years, maybe you don’t know why you have outbursts, or why you have listed you adult life being addicted to cocaine, or meth. Maybe you only know how to make endless money with what you do, but you don’t know how to relate to people, or keep a happy relationship working in your life. Maybe for you, it’s the opposite, you can’t seem to make money no matter what you do, and you can figure out why those around you have no trouble keeping a flow of money into their life, but you feel like money is a constant struggle.

All of this boils down to fear. And fear expresses itself as anger.

If people that I see in my community chose to wear different clothes from me, maybe a turban, or a hijab, so what. We live in a free world. Why shouldn’t people be free to practice whatever religion they want? Why shouldn’t people be able to dress how they want and not feel that they’ll be judged by others, and possibly attacked or killed?

Homophobia has been a big part of our world, certainly in many areas. Sometimes it’s hidden and sometimes it’s out in the open. There are people who disown their child when they find out they are gay. People who are gay should be able to live their life as they want and not feel scared every time they go out in public.

The same is true for Jews, or Hindus, or Muslims, or Christians or other groups who are peace loving.

You might remember me mentioning that I was a full-time music teacher, then worked for over 10 years in bullying prevention. Sometimes I do substitute teaching. Because we’ve welcomed many people here to Canada, I often have lots of children from many cultures. Sometimes three quarter of the class or more are from foreign countries. You know what? They are loveable, kind, precious people who deserve to be safe in our country.

Feelings of hate that people have, go back to anger.

I used to think that words like homophobia, and zenaphonia were so strange because we know the word phobia refers to a fear of something.

Now I realize that fear is the root emotion of hate. Hate is formed out of fear and there is massive amount of hate in the world.

Obviously, this is not new. We know that hate is a problem, but the thing is, hate erodes your own opinion of yourself. Rather, if you have a low opinion of yourself, fear and hate is a product of that. Fear comes out of self-loathing.

That’s why I talk about self-bullying so much. It’s wide-spread. So many people suffer because they don’t believe they are ‘enough’. They believe there is something wrong with them. Have you ever wondered what’s wrong with you? Just take a minute and be honest with yourself. Have you ever had moments when you thought, I just can’t figure out how to be happy. Or I don’t know why I can’t have a great relationship with someone. Maybe, like I said earlier, your problem has to do with anxiety, depression, addiction of some kind, or even that constant inner voice telling you you’re a loser.

All of these problems are related to your Inner Bully. And all of these problems can be reversed and helped with hypnosis because hypnosis is about reaching your emotions, examining what thoughts you’ve attached to events in your life, and going back and changing those thoughts. It’s about your conscious and sub-conscious mind.

I said all those problems can be reversed, but I want to make something clear. Those problems can only be reversed if you want that for yourself. You have to want to change and want to become different. And the amount of WANT is important. If you’re just a little ho-hum, a bit wishy-washing about wanting a change, it’s likely not going to happen, even with hypnosis.

My most successful clients, are people who came to me after trying so many methods to change. They’ve read books, listened to podcasts, tried new habits, got close to nature, taken supplements, but it was hypnosis that made the difference. That’s because those people were passionate about wanting to change their lives. And I mean passionate with a capital P.

Sometimes I explained that we’d possibly be going back to relive some tough moments in their lives, or we’d have to revisit some hurtful or angry times in their lives.

My successful clients were people who responded by saying, ‘Let’s Do It’. Where do I sign up?

I don’t know why that 20 year old guy in my city would have so much anger against Muslims, that he would plan to kill an innocent family. I can only imagine that it’s all about xenophobia.

This attacker is almost the same age as my own son. I went to the funeral yesterday for the four family members that were killed. I wanted to show my support as a Canadian who believes there’s no room for hate in our hearts. There’s only room for love and compassion.

The funeral was about love and compassion and one of the statements that was made was as they prayed for the surviving 9 year old boy, was that “all hatred and resentment would be removed from his heart”.

If we vow to bring love and compassion into our heart, then hate will diminish. Hate will be cornered out.

I want to send as much love and light as possible into the heart of the 20 year old man who did this, and his family. I can’t even imagine the torture his twin sister and his family must be experiencing.

Obviously this will go to trial and information will come out. I only know what has been released in the media.

Prime Minister Trudeau came to London and spoke to Canadians about hate and how “we can and we must act … to confront the ugly face of hatred. I want all Canadians to know that we are all diminished when any one of us is targeted. We need to stand up and reject racism and terror and work together to embrace what makes our country strong – our diversity.”

I’m glad our Prime Minister has addressed this act of terrorism the way he has and I just hope that serious work will be done by the government to address this problem of hate and of racist, xenophobic attitudes and behaviours.

As a mindfulness teacher and coach, I believe the answer to this problem lies within each of us. It has to start with me, with every one of us. What are my thoughts, my views, my opinions? What is the internal dialogue going on in my own mind? Am I listening to the voice of my inner bully? Am I strong enough to change this dialogue?

What I’ve found out from you, Mindful Tribe, is that a lot of us are frustrated and suffering. We want to be strong and deal with our inner bully, deal with our addiction, or our loneliness, or whatever other problem may seem central in your life.

We have to help each other. Some of us have skills we can use to help others have a more contented and happy life. I’m grateful and honoured to be able to help so many people through challenges.

Maybe you’re experiencing fear, frustration, and maybe a specific challenge like I’ve mentioned. Maybe you’ve been putting it off and haven’t found the courage to reach out. I would say to you, this is your time. Be strong, make up your mind to set up a 30 minute call with me to find out if you're a candidate for hypnosis. Email me at [email protected] and we’ll talk about how hypnosis, combined with my coaching, will be the key to transition your life from frustration, to contentment and happiness. This is your time. I’ll tell you about some of my clients who are now experiencing a sense of freedom and peace in their lives as a result of the hypnosis sessions they've experienced.

Bring more love into your heart. Start with you. You are a gift from the universe and the more you believe that, the more compassion you’ll have for yourself. And the more compassion you have for yourself, the less room you’ll have in your heart for hate and negativity. Contentment is possible for you. Right now you may think it couldn’t happen, but it can. It’s up to you to make up your mind to do the work, make a change, and move forward.

Trudeau is right. We must confront the ugly face of hatred. And if hate is living within your heart, that hate is eating away at you. It’s a negativity that doesn’t belong there.

Make up your mind to make a change. Live with mindfulness, welcome nature, and meditation, and confront your inner bully in the many ways we address here on the show.

Thanks for listening. Peace be with you.

• Book: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

• 165 Be Real, Raw, Honest and Mindful Recommends Dr Ed Osburn

Ronny Leber is a keynote speaker and event host for corporate and sports events and has worked live with more than 5 million people worldwide over the course of his career. He is one of the few trainers for Tony Robbins and loves to incorporate mindfulness along with the human and emotional component into his speeches to create, together with the audience, unique and extraordinary emotions they will remember forever.

• Website: www.RonnyLeber.com

• Tony Robbins

• The beautiful thing about this is that there is always a way. When you think there is no way, just take a step back, take a deep breath, connect to yourself, and then look at it with fresh eyes, and that's going to change your whole spectrum.

• Breathing plays a huge role in my mindfulness. Oftentimes what happens is when we are so out of our minds, that our breathing is very shallow and in our chests.

• Book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

• I've been a care-giver at many youth camps in the past and I have been confronted with bullying. In elementary school it happened, but nobody meant any harm but it happened.

• 514 Chakra Healing For Transformation With Dr. Susan Shumsky