Mistakes Were Made

The leading researcher into poly dating app usage shares what works and what doesn't in profiles, gives insights into the trends in non-traditional relationship styles around the country, and defines the dizzying jargon of poly subcultures. Listen until the end to find out what "dexting" means.

Sign up for Riki Thompson's workshops and get a 20% discount using the code "Mistakes"

https://rikithompson.com/#post-152

Evergreen Hearts Lecture Series

Follow Riki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtuallyriki/

Mentioned in the episode:

• Riki's article on "What is a Polycule"

• Riki's article on what we can learn from poly couples during the pandemic

• Book: The Ethical Slut

• Audiobook: Opening Up

• Most online hate targets women, says EU report

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Should non monogamous parents be "out" to their kids? In this episode Sarah and Alex ask different parents about their approaches to sharing their relationships with their children – from secrecy, to involving secondary partners in parenting – then share mistakes they've made in balancing their feelings and dating schedules with what was developmentally appropriate for their kids.

Mentioned in the episode:

• Do Happy Parents Raise Healthier Kids?

• Fully automated Luxury Gay Space Communism

• A brief summary from Reddit: "It refers to a communist society. Full automated: production is automatic, so people can focus on whatever they want. Luxury: see above. Gay/Queer: gender and other such harmful constructs are abolished, making everybody queer/gay. Space: communist society could allow us to colonize space. Communism: communism."

Stay in touch with us:

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Sarah and Alex talk about the jealousy and panic that comes up when partners are on dates or trips with others, the roots of those feelings, and how rituals of connection and communication can help. Oh, and also how the film ET is a meta text for polyamory(?)

Mentioned in the episode:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/2HFb3BywGM
• https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/8SvfUvZord

"Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation" --Judith Lewis Herman

"Trauma happens in relationships, so it can only be healed in relationships. Art can't provide healing. It can be cathartic and therapeutic but a relationship is a three-part journey." --Alanis Morissette

Take action to suport Palestine:

• Palestine Feminist Collective's digital action toolkit: http://bit.ly/PFCToolkit

Follow updates from Gaza:

• Palestine Academy: https://www.instagram.com/palestine.academy/
• https://www.instagram.com/wizard_bisan1/
• https://www.instagram.com/byplestia/
• https://www.instagram.com/eye.on.palestine/

Donate to relief efforts:

• https://www.instagram.com/healing.our.homeland/
• https://www.instagram.com/medicalaidpal/

Stay in touch with us:

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Alex's partner leaves him for monogamy, sparking a conversation about cowboy-ing, triangulation and attachment.

Mentioned in the episode:

PolyPhilia: https://www.instagram.com/polyphiliablog/

Attachment Panic, the album by Alex & Sarah's alt country band: https://open.spotify.com/album/2zrOxbFLVA4Y4L3m9Cjamq

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Is non-monogamy actually a sustainable lifestyle – or is it just an experiment? Sarah and Alex reflect on how the novelty of having an open marriage has worn off after three years.

Reddit conversation re changes in non-monogamy styles over time

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Season 2 finale! Sarah and Alex try to stump each other with research into some of the most common myths and misconceptions about non monogamy.

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

More about us:

• Bloodstar band: https://ffm.to/bloodstarattachmentpanic | [Listen to Bloodstar on Spotify]
• Sarah's website: https://www.sarahstuteville.com/
• Making Contact: https://www.radioproject.org/ | [Listen to Making Contact on Spotify]

Mentioned in the episode:

• Shrimpteeth survey on nonmonogamy impacts
• Shrimpteeth survey for ladies dating men
• Shrimpteeth on Instagram
• Generational attitudes toward non-monogamy
• Kinsey Institute summary of prevalence of polyamory in different groups, desire for polyamory and STI prevalence
• Jealousy's impact in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships
• Reasons people engage in polyamory
• Here are the actual MythBusters investigating the Coke & Mentos phenomenon

Sarah and Alex talk with friends and ethical nonmonogamy role models Zack and Madeleine about maintaining a polyamorous partnership for the long haul, and making out with cute German guys.

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Sarah and Alex talk about the lies they have told each other…and themselves. Also, the patriarchy and whatnot.

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Mentioned in the episode:

All about love, by bell hooks

Sarah and Alex talk to Eli--a transmasc drag performer and progressive policy wonk--about Seattle drag, Texas BBQ, coming to non-monogamy during the pandemic and how to live our "Big Blob Best Lives."

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

More from Eli:

https://www.instagram.com/sirloinseattle/

Mentioned in the episode:

• http://kenyonhall.org/ (All ages drag show May 12!)
• https://www.instagram.com/theboxbarseattle/?hl=en (See SirLoin May 13!)
• https://www.jeffstexasstylebbq.com/
• https://www.burnunitbarbecue.com/
• https://www.nwtxbbq.com/

We're back! Sarah and Alex talk about race, representation, and the benefits of being the weird kid with author Kevin Patterson.

[email protected] * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

More from Kevin Patterson:

https://www.kevinapatterson.com/

https://unfuckyourpolyamory.com/

Love's Not Color Blind by Kevin Patterson

For Hire series by Kevin Patterson

https://polyrolemodels.tumblr.com/ * https://www.instagram.com/polyrolemodels/ * https://www.facebook.com/polyrolemodels

Mentioned in the episode:

Southwest Love Fest

Too Late by Bloodstar