Mistress Wellbeing

I turned on a light instead of cursing the darkness.   Every day for the last 28 days I’ve committed to a short practice of yoga, chanting and breath work.   On my own. In my room. To create abundant wellbeing for myself and my family.   You see, as I arrived home at midnight from five weeks overseas, one of my boys had a seizure.   He’s epileptic, but normally well controlled.   It means he can’t drive for three months. He can’t apply for jobs needing a licence. It could be a big impediment, just as he’s finishing his studies and venturing out into the world.   So I decided I needed to reframe and turn towards the light.   I'm exploring this on the podcast today.

I did something last week that made me excited and scared.   I offered a mantra evening at my local yoga studio.   I sang. Played guitar. Held the space. In a group of twenty-five people, most of whom I’d never met before.   I did it because I wanted to share something I love, which I know can touch others deeply.   I really connected with my fear of being seen in the beginning - heart racing, breathless- but I managed to stay and breathe, and gradually the energy shifted to a calm, enjoyable place.   Fear and excitement have exactly the same physiological signature.   Developing my fear tolerance allowed it to transform into excitement, vitality, and aliveness.   Have you had this experience of stepping out of your comfort zone and transforming fear?   It's on the podcast today!

Over functioning women and under functioning men.   I have my own story of this AND I see it all the time in my work with professional women.   I know how easy it is to become trapped in a situation which causes so much resentment and pain, and I also know how to bring change to the situation gently and safely.   It’s really one of the biggest issues for many professional women.   It can start small, but the gap becomes wider and wider if you don’t address it.   You do all the housework You do all the cooking You have the homework under control You both go to work.   The conversations can be difficult, and often start from the POV of asking for help. But actually, these are conversations which build intimacy and trust in your relationship while inviting him to do life better.   Join me for more.

Are you a professional woman experiencing an emotional crisis?   Low mood, anxiety, a sense of despair and no way out.   If this is you I want to tell you two things  

1. You’re not alone. The demands of work and family combined with your drive for perfectionism creates an impossible strain. It’s entirely human, and not a sign of weakness or vulnerability.
2. Use this experience wisely. It’s inviting you to withdraw, do a piece of  awareness work and find support to move your life forward to a much better place.

  The French have a term for it. Withdraw to jump better.   Listen in to today's episode for more.

 

I threw coins in the Trevi fountain. I visited the Villa San Michele. I drank lemon cello spritz in Amalfi. I had a holiday!   Italy and France were wonderful and I’m so glad to be home after five weeks away.     And I've been reflecting on how the past doesn’t have to define us. And it doesn’t create our future unless we let it.   I heard a great story recently originally told by Alan Watts.   If you imagine your life as a boat, and you stand at the back looming down into the water, you will see the wake.   It’s where you’ve been, but it doesn’t drive the boat.   What drives your life is the present moment energy and direction you give yourself. Like the motor of the boat.   If like me,  stories form the past sometimes engulf and threaten you, it’s good to remember this, and I'm exploring it on the podcast today.

‘I should be a better mother.' 'I must keep my house tidy and clean at all times.' 'There must always be home cooked cake.' 'I should work harder.' 'I should eat only nutritious food.' 'I should exercise every single day.' 'I should try harder.' 'I should be better at marketing my business.’   There’s a few of mine to be going on with.   Writing that list is strangely relieving and also gut clenching.   All these principles are active in me, and they’re not unworthy goals, it’s just that they constantly reaffirm that I’m not ok as I am.   I somehow need to ‘earn’ worthiness by performing each of these tasks. Every day. It’s psychologically exhausting.   What are your rules? Take a moment and write them down. The musts and the must nots.   It’s eye opening, and sometimes a little shocking. Join me for more.

When I first came across Martin Seligman and his ideas about happiness it was a game changer as I was so deeply mired in my own negative thinking styles. I thought it was how I was wired 😂   Here’s the good news!   We can change.   Our minds are infinitely neuroplastic.   Mind gym is possibly more important than body gym 😱   Rare in the world of psychology, there is good quality evidence for the practice of, ‘Three things that went well’.   When we do it we feel better. Life becomes lighter and we increase our mental wealth.   So I invite you into the practice of overturning the minds negativity bias and spending five minutes (or more) every day searching for the positive.

Doe you sometimes leap to the worst possible outcome for a situation?

Does your mind like to scare you with exaggerated and terrible possibilities?

MIne too.

It's called catastrophising, and it's very common.

Naturally, anxiety is fuelled by this type of thinking and mood is also affected, resulting in a perfect storm for further catastrophising.

Medical students know this syndrome well, as I read pathology books I had every disease described...or at least the beginnings of them....

Join me today as we dive deeply into what it is and how to interrupt the process.

 

 

 

Undoing these thinking habits will make you happier, emotionally healthier, and more joyful.   Here's my example of magical thinking...   Some aspects of my perfectionism about work had a magical quality to it, I realise now.   If I dressed correctly (like doctors do), had good hair and always turned up on time, nothing could go wrong. I’d somehow be making myself safe.   It made me anxious and harried every morning getting to work. I was tense and tight inside as I dressed and brushed my teeth, not noticing the beautiful morning light, rushing to get on my bike, counting down the minutes it would take me to get into town.   I’m not suggesting that you go to work in your pyjamas or turn up an hour late.   But I am advocating for being professional from a different place.   Joy.   Join me on the podcast.

I’m no CBT advocate, but thinking which fuels anxiety and misery is a real thing and an easy place to shift.   When I read about ‘cognitive distortions’ years ago, I could relate to most of them 😂.   Happily, psychotherapy provides a compassionate container for change at a deep level, which also affects rumination and all these unhelpful thinking styles, and I’ve done a lot in my time, with success!   Here’s an example of black and white thinking in response to a poor outcome.   ‘I never get things right. Things never go well for me. I always fail. There’s nothing I can do about it.’   As I write these statements, I feel a clenching in my gut at the finality and negativity involved. As well as the lack of self compassion. (I’ve learned!)   They give us nowhere to go, no way out.   Join me on the podcast as we explore how to build awareness and shift to more supportive thinking.