Mothering Anxiety

In honor of my 8 year wedding anniversary, I decided to record an episode about my Marriage and a few of the struggles we've had to deal with along the way. We have been through what feels like hell and back but I can say that it was the Acceptance that we were both different, the acceptance that we both processed things differently, the acceptance that we had trauma we had to heal from (& neither one of us could do anything about it), and the acceptance that our brains simply didn't work the same way that lead to where we are in our Marriage now.

Take a listen as I talk about our Love Languages and the day that my husband finally accepted that I have Anxiety, was the day that I fell in love with him all over again. 

It has taken me a really long time to accept that I was in a relationship that was not good for me. 

For so long, I was angry at myself for allowing myself to go through so much, to allow someone to treat me like garbage. It wasn’t until recently that I realized, the only reason I let it happen was because that “love” felt familiar to me. 

Take a listen as I talk about my Toxic Relationship I was in and how I have come to accept and forgive myself for trying to find the only kind of love that I knew.

I knew that Healing would mean that I would feel some pain from time to time but I never realized how LONELY it can feel. Sure, one could argue "Well, you cut everyone out, what do you expect?" But it goes beyond that.

It's lonely because everyone processes everything differently. We all process our Traumas very uniquely. So even if someone went through something similar to you, the way they processed and you processed it could be completely different.

It's hard not having anyone to talk to about what you're feeling and most importantly, to those who are not on a healing journey, it's even harder for them to understand why it is that you would put yourself through all this pain and loneliness. 

Take a listen as I talk about how lonely I've felt in my healing journey and how I try to overcome judgments that truly only make me feel worse about my decision to severe ties with those who were not good for my Mental Health. 

Am I the only one who freaks out every time they have to go to the Doctor? 

Ever since I could remember, I despised going to the Doctor because I was always afraid that they were going to tell me that I was going to die right then and there. My “fear” was always dismissed as me being a “scaredy cat” but as I’ve gotten older and especially most recently, a NP said, “I think you have White Coat Syndrome.” This has opened up a new can of Anxiety worms as I have had to figure out a way to ease my Doctor anxiety and for me to accept that I am probably okay, and it’s just my head messing with me. 

Take a listen as I talk about my personal experience of Health Anxiety and where I believe it all stems from.

Since embarking on this Self Healing Journey, I have had to accept that fact that there are people talking about me in good ways or even in bad ways which is the one that makes my Anxiety tingle. I am doing things that are unspoken of, I am cutting ties, setting boundaries, and trying to pave my own way that is unfortunately going to make those that don't agree form a specific opinion of me that I just have to learn to accept.

Take a listen as  I talk about what it's been like for me and my Anxiety and how I am learning to not care about the opinions of others affect me.

When I first started this Podcast, I wanted to record something that was raw and honest about dealing with Anxiety and how it can impact every aspect of your life. As I continued to record more episode and going through more things in my life, I started to realize where my Anxiety steamed from. A lot of it came from the people around me, a lot of it came from unhealed trauma that was resurfacing, and a lot of it came from my not loving myself. I decided to embark on a Seal Healing Journey, and if you listen to many of my episodes, I very publicly talk about what its like. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes its great, other times I'm angry, and now I can finally say that I have found some peace in my life.

Take a listen as I talk about where my Anxiety is now after starting this Podcast and after starting a journey to heal all of my past trauma and removing people that were no longer serving my life for good.

What is your Inner Child? How do I connect with my Inner Child? Is there a way to heal my Inner Child?

Take a listen as I finally dig in to talking about Healing Your Inner Child. Now, I do not feel that I am the best person to be speaking about this because this whole concept is fairly new to me and something that I am learning but it is something that I want to introduce to those of us on the Self Healing Journey.

I have an Emotionally Wounded Inner Child, and one that I am trying to figure out ways to heal. Here are a few insightful articles that I found that could explain Inner Child Healing a bit better than I can. 

Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: Inner Child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-the-inner-child

Finding and Getting to Know Your Inner Child

https://www.healthline.com/health/inner-child

As a recovering People Pleaser, setting boundaries, saying no, cutting ties with people is hard to do without feeling guilty. 

I often question if I’ve done the right thing and if doing so only makes me as bad as the people that are harming my inner peace. I have spent the last two years trying to discover what brings me peace and now that I’ve done so, I’ve had to work on not feeling guilty over it. 

Take a listen as I talk about this healing stage in my journey to maintaining my inner peace.

Have you ever felt the need to go punch a wall? Break something? Smash something with a bat? Well, I sure did and that’s exactly what I went to go do. 

Take a listen as I talk about my experience at a Rage Room at Break Room LA and what it did for my Anxiety and all the rage I had been feeling inside.

 Break Room LA is located in Van Nuys, CA. Instagram: @breakroom_la

I have been trying to figure out why my Social Anxiety has gotten worse. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve been a Stay At Home Mom for 4 years and I don’t have conversations with adults anymore, maybe it’s me being more selective with the people that get my energy, or maybe it’s that I was never allowed to be myself growing up that now I’m going through an identity crisis and don’t know who is the real me and what is a trauma response. 

Take a listen as I go through a whole revelation of me trying to figure out why my Social Anxiety is at its worst right now.