The Betches are getting ready to head to Cannes next week! They’re ready for a week at Spotify Beach, where Jordana and Jared are going to be on a panel - they’re even on the same flier as John Legend. Helloooooo, legendary. We also hear the Kelce brothers are scheduled to attend too-- will the Betches end up in the presence of Taylor? We’ll report back. Speaking of Taylor, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived aka Matty Healy is engaged to model Gabbriette Bechtel, and we have a lot of thoughts, including a niche theory. From one troubling couple to the next– JLO and Ben Affleck are selling their $60 million dollar mansion. Is a divorce imminent? Why couldn’t they have bought a simple $15 million dollar cottage like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle?! Has Jen Garner been secretly planting these press stories? Listen for our thoughts. Finally, they wrap up with a Summer House debrief including the Carl/ Lindsay and Amanda/Kyle of it all. Our Silver Star of The Week, brought to you by Heineken is Ciara, because she showed up, looked ethereal, and had Kyle crying. West is taking a time out or maybe an uncomfortable coffee with Ben and JLO.

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