Previously I always looked for the metaphorical invisible door for me to escape. Where’s the exit when it gets tough, hard, too much, too close, too vulnerable? That door was something I kept very close to me.

But in the lead up to our wedding, writing vows to Steve and the girls, that door was disappearing. And on the day, our magnificent wedding day, it went. I was in. All the way in.

I know that I can leave at anytime, but I don’t want to. Before, it was a fantasy I played into a lot. Now, it’s not even an option unless it really needs to be an option.

That’s what has changed. All of me is in. This is a big deal due to my past and always needing “aloneness” to be safe. Aloneness is one of my coping strategies that is laying to rest. Now, my fks can be saved for loving with all of me, not just some of me.

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