The feeling of being alone when embarking on any new journey is so scary. Perhaps you can't talk to anyone around you about it, and the people you do talk to make you feel shamed or a bit crazy. Finding our community, our people, that feel like home, has been the single most powerful and supportive resource the two of us have for exploring non-monogamy.

 

In this fantastic conversation, we sit down with Mrs. and Mr. Jones from the We Gotta Thing podcast to talk about all things community and our personal experiences with finally finding ours. This episode was originally released on their podcast as Episode 98. In an effort to help more people find their home, we decided to release it here as well. Enjoy!

 

If you are interested in joining either or both of our communities, here are links to both:

We Gotta Thing

Normalizing Non-Monogamy

 

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This conversation with Kaitlin and Julian is one of our all-time favorites. Not sure if we're allowed to say that, but here we are. They met and fell in love on the school bus and now have been together for 16 years and married eight. The short version is that one day Julian brought home the Ethical Slut, they read it, and pretty much the next day decided they were polyamorous. It's slightly more complicated than that, but not much. A lot has happened since they read the book and opened up and we have so many amazing conversations about their journey. We dig into self-love, dating, imbalance, self-esteem, and the art of just jumping in. One of the things we love about their journey is that while they have definitely been on it together, they've also each been on their own path at the same time. This conversation is incredible and we hope you enjoy.

 

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Marla is back! And we're talking a bit about everything... Pregnancy, pandemics, parenting, polyamory, potato famines... I made that last one up. Or did I? Only one way to find out. We also talk about why poly isn't the best flavor of ethical non-monogamy for Marla, how she balances her life, her relationships, and most importantly... Herself. Get in here and listen and then go sign up for Sex Down South using the offer code EMMA to save $15... Bonus, you support our podcast when you do. Thank you!

 

Marla is a professional sexologist, intimacy/relationship/sex coach, speaker, and author. She is the owner of Velvet Lips, a sexuality education company, as well as Contract Liberation, a company focused on research for non-profit groups. As a Lecturer at Clayton State University, she teaches Sociology and Women’s and Gender Studies. As the Co-Founder of the Sex Down South Conference, Marla aims to bring diverse groups together to learn and share their experiences in the essence of being authentic and fostering sexual liberation across communities. Marla has studied human sexuality for over 19 years, has educated over 20,000 people in over 13 years, given over 400 workshops, and have served over 100 clients in her private practice, all around the world. She has had her influence in the media, as well; she has written over 200 articles, featured in over 20 magazines and books, and has been on over 50 podcasts and independent television shows. She was featured on Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and VH1's Love & HipHop Atlanta. In addition, she also sits on the Boards for SPARK Reproductive Justice NOW! and is on the Community Advisory Board of the Diverse Sexualities and Research Education Institute. She also co-wrote her first book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay (2020) with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly and co-edited An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy (2021). See all of her work at www.velvetlipssexed.com.

 

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Melissa and Tim are kind of a first for us on the show and we're super excited about it! They are in their mid-forties and have been together for about five years. What's unique about that? Well, Tim has been with his nesting partner for almost 30 years and Melissa identifies as solo poly. We love hearing how their individual origin stories come together for the beautiful relationship they have built together. Melissa got her start in non-monogamy during a previous relationship via swinging. Tim and his nesting partner slowly opened their relationship into a mono/poly dynamic over a decade ago. Over the last few years they have explored various aspects of polyamory together as well as what they lovingly refer to as "sex friends." We have so many amazing conversations in this episode... We hope you enjoy!

 

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Serena and her husband are newly married and starting to explore a bit of what opening their relationship to non-monogamy could look like for them. Serena has a history of being in monogamous relationships but a few years back she took a break from dating and relationships to figure herself out. When she got back in the game, she realized most of the people she was drawing in were non-monogamous, including her now husband. He came to the relationship with a polyamorous background but they have intentionally kept their relationship closed to build security and determine how they want to do it in their own way. At the moment, Serena identifies most closely with being monogamish... They dabble and are open to exploring but it's still new and perhaps a bit scary at times.

 

Serena is also a sex and relationship coach with Sex and Love Co. She has been coach for a few years and is excited to weave her personal experience and journey into her coaching work. Her approach to life is as beautiful and peaceful as the birds chirping in the background during this recording... Enjoy!

 

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Alli + Gaylen have been "happily unmarried for 21 years" and were friends for a handful of years before they got together. They've also been living on a 37 foot sailboat for the last two years as they travel and play music together. These two have a beautiful energy between them and this conversation is about so much more than non-monogamy. It's about life. They started exploring swinging when Alli came out as bisexual but they quickly found traditional swinging wasn't really their vibe. Instead, they've been creating a flavor of non-monogamy that blends swinging and polyamory into something that feels best for them. Check out their work and follow them as they serenade their way around the world over at www.sailbumsmusic.com.

 

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How do you sext? What does sexting actually look like? How do I get it started? What do I say? How do I say it? When do I say it? How do I keep it going? Well, you've guessed it... Today we're talking all about sexting with our amazing guest, sex and kink educator, Bex Caputo!

 

From his website, www.bextalkssex.com:

Bex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and professional pervert. He’s been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since he insisted on being served his meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8. He’s a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, and a transmasc queerdo who grew up to be the pop punk skater boy he had a crush on in high school.

 

He’s also a huge nerd with ADHD, so every new interest he discovers comes with a strong desire to learn everything about it that he possibly can. As you’ve probably guessed, sex and kink were two of his earliest fascinations–and the more he learned about them, the more apparent it became that the rest of the world still had a lot to learn, too.

 

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Tom has been exploring polyamory for about the last 15 years, but has recognized it is who he's been his whole life. He was always forming deep friendships and relationships with the people around him but things never seemed to quite fit. A few years after having children, he brought up the idea to his wife and they gave it a try. He got his start back in the Craigslist days and it was a bit of a bumpy beginning but he and his wife have found a groove that works for them. As he says in the interview, their relationship is in the best place it has ever been. Tom is also the creator of the Colorado Poly Weekend. To learn more and find out how you can get involved, check out www.coloradopolyweekend.org.

 

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Today's conversation with Maria gets into the weeds on breaking codependencies, rebuilding a relationship after an infidelity, sexual health, loving yours, and so much more. Maria and her husband redefined their relationship a few years back after she cheated on him. Part of that rebuilding was to open their relationship and begin exploring non-monogamy and polyamory. We hope you enjoy this beautiful conversation.

 

A bit more about Maria from her personal bio:

Maria Palumbo has her Master's of Social work. She began as a psychotherapist in community mental health. She studied trauma and its impact on creating an “eat your heart out” life and then took her findings and started her own business. She began creating programs that awaken the sex and heart. She is passionate about people owning the impact of trauma and creating a life of vitality and rich intimacy. Since beginning her business, Maria has helped hundreds of people (both virtually and in-person) realize that their vulnerability and truest turn on, makes them irresistible. She leads workshops in person called Follow Your F*ck and has a luxury retreat coming up in October. Check out all of her work at www.mariapalumbo.com.

 

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Kate's journey into non-monogamy kicked off almost 20 years ago when she came home from work and her partner at the time proposed the idea of swinging to her. Since then, she has spent two decades figuring out and exploring what works best for her. Like many, a strict label of "swinger" or "polyamorous" doesn't really seem to fit. As Kate shares, the best label she has found for herself is simply "fluid." We hope you enjoy this deep dive into her personal journey.

 

Kate Loree, LMFT, is a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities and the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships.

 

In addition to her master’s in marriage and family therapy, she also has an MBA and is a registered art therapist (ATR). She is an EDSE certified sex educator and an EMDR certified therapist with additional training in the Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM) for the treatment of trauma. She has been practicing psychotherapy since 2003.

 

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