Play It Brave Podcast

Sometimes your work grows faster than your identity does.

In 2012, I had spent years charging $4,500 for wedding photography when a dream client called me just 27 days before their Sundance wedding. When she asked what I would charge for the weekend, I heard myself say a number I'd never said before: $7,500. She said yes. Two weeks later, I booked my first $10,500 wedding.

I didn't suddenly become twice as talented in six weeks. The work had been happening for years. My skill, eye, experience and judgment had already changed. My identity simply hadn't caught up.

In this short episode of Play It Brave, we're looking at the version of you who names the price — and whether she's still pricing the work of a woman you've already outgrown. I'll also lead you through a simple rehearsal you can practice for the next 30 days so that when someone asks, "What do you charge?" you don't have to manufacture courage in real time.

In this episode: why your identity can lag behind your actual level of mastery · the story behind my jump from $4,500 to $7,500 — and then $10,500 · how to recognize when you're pricing from an earlier version of yourself · what happens in your body when someone asks what you charge · why you don't need to justify your number before anyone has objected to it · a short exercise to rehearse saying your next price · why identity work isn't a substitute for mastery — but can help you finally own the mastery you've already earned.

A question to take with you: has your price actually caught up to the person you've become? Your next number doesn't need to be a fantasy. It needs to be a number you have evidence underneath — and are ready to learn how to say.

Ready to go deeper? If you know the strategy but something in you keeps pulling back when it's time to sell, be seen, raise your prices or step into the next version of your work — that's exactly the kind of pattern we can explore in a private Breakthrough. Book a free 30-minute clarity call.

You can know exactly why you do something and still keep doing it.

You can know where the pattern came from. You can have journaled about it, talked about it, analyzed it, named it—and then Tuesday comes around and there you are, doing the thing again.

Because understanding a pattern and changing a pattern are two different skills.

In this episode, I'm taking you inside the work I've fallen completely in love with: how I lead a client through a major Breakthrough. Not a quick mindset shift. Not another affirmation pasted over something you don't actually believe. The deeper work of finding the emotions, decisions, internal conflicts and old conclusions that may still be influencing the life you're living now.

I'm also sharing what this work has changed in me—including the end of my own panic attacks, the difference between being watched and being seen, and the three words I'm choosing to organize my own life around now.

And for the first time, I'm opening a small number of private Breakthrough spaces at founding pricing.

If there's something in your life you understand—but still can't seem to change—this episode is for you.

If you've ever tried to force yourself out of procrastination, you know how well that works.

You can know exactly what to do. You can have the time. You can want the result so badly it aches — and still find yourself answering emails, returning something to Nordstrom, or deciding the junk drawer has to be dealt with right now. That isn't laziness. Laziness would be doing nothing, and you are doing a great deal. You're just not doing the one thing that matters.

Which means the problem was never your character. It's the state you're in.

In this first Rewire Friday, D'Arcy takes you inside a training room where a woman she calls Sarah volunteered her procrastination for a demonstration and landed on the honest word for it: not incapable, not lazy. Stagnant. And instead of asking how to make her motivated, the trainer asked the question almost nobody asks — what would get you out of the state you're in?

Inside: what a state actually is and why naming one changes what you can do next, the cost of turning a behavior into an identity, the difference between the states that push you and the states that pull you — and why procrastination is neither, which is exactly why willpower slides off it.

Ten minutes, one rewire, one question to ask before Monday.

Timestamps:

• 2:27 — The word that changes everything: not incapable, not lazy — stagnant
• 3:00 — The trainer's question instead of "How do we get you motivated?"
• 3:32 — Why wanting the result isn't enough—and the difference between desire and the state that creates action
• 4:08 — Why motivation is rarely the next state, and finding the bridge that gets you there
• 6:11 — The cost of turning a behavior into an identity: "I procrastinated, so I'm lazy"
• 6:57 — States that push you, states that pull you, and why procrastination is neither
• 8:15 — Chaining anchors: what change work actually looks like, and why D'Arcy isn't teaching it here
• 10:42 — What Sarah said when it was over—and why the goal is freedom, not productivity
• 11:50 — The one question to ask this week instead of yelling at yourself

For the first time, the whole story of the last two years — told from the other side. In this episode:

• The heroine's journey — the map: the hero comes home with the treasure; the heroine realizes she is the treasure, and she is the home

• The launch that cracked it open: 21 yeses where 90 used to say yes — and the sentence that took over

• December 2024: the call that was harder than the breakup — and why it turned out to be the first brave decision of the rebirth

• THE VALUES AUDIT — five signs your season is a values change, not a collapse: (1) the wins land flat, (2) you're still funding your old self, (3) you envy the "wrong" people, (4) you keep changing the strategy but never question the goal, (5) "it's not working" has become a sentence instead of a fact

• Tonight's ten-minute exercise: your calendar + your bank statement — still, or was

• What ten days of silence in India returned — and what the new values are building now (new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, starting this week)

Timestamps :

• 00:00 — Cold open: the training and the December call
• 03:57 — The heroine's journey: the map
• 05:57 — The empire years
• 08:19 — Values have seasons
• 09:21 — The whisper: "It's not working"
• 10:42 — Trying to fix it
• 12:22 — December 2024: the call
• 14:35 — "The first brave decision of the rebirth"
• 15:36 — It wasn't a failure — it was a values change
• 18:32 — Old strategies, new values
• 19:47 — The Paris apartment and the cabin
• 22:08 — The Values Audit: #1, the wins land flat
• 22:48 — #2, funding your old self
• 23:51 — #3, envying the wrong people
• 24:31 — #4, new strategy, same goal
• 26:27 — #5, a sentence, not a fact
• 27:24 — Tonight: calendar and bank statement
• 27:48 — India, Bali, the silence
• 30:07 — The return
• 31:57 — Money and meaning
• 34:02 — If you're in this season
• 35:54 — "You are the treasure"

Most photographers aren't studying photography anymore — they're studying Instagram. In this solo episode, D'Arcy confesses to a decade of studying the wrong things — algorithms, funnels, hooks — and makes the case for what comes after the creator economy: the artist economy.

It starts with Gene Kelly, soaked to the skin and swinging off a lamppost, and the strange grief of watching real devotion.

Inside:

The sentence the whole episode is built on — you cannot consistently photograph what you refuse to cultivate within yourself.

• How apprenticeship became consumption
• The 4 S's (Story, Style, Structure, Sales) turned ninety degrees into an artistic framework
• Creative Studies: the practice D'Arcy wants to name for the industry
• Her own year of study — novels, old films, daily writing, ten rolls of film at a family session
• Why The English Edit retreat exists, and Claire's story
• One study to start this week.

Join D'Arcy's Sunday letter at darcybenincosa.com — where the stories she doesn't post get told, and where every future creative study is announced first.

Success came easy. Love didn't. If you've built the business, the body of work, the beautiful life — and love is still the one thing that won't land — this conversation was recorded for you.

D'Arcy sits down with self-love and relationship expert Sanaiyah Gurnamal — two-time TEDx speaker and host of Project Loving Myself (a Spotify Top 50 podcast with 1M+ downloads) — to name the three love blocks that keep high-achieving women single or stuck: the People Pleaser, the Commitment-Phobe, and the Runaway Bride.

In this episode: why women who fight for everything never learn to receive [22:46] · the 3 love blocks [25:58] · the airplane story that redefines meeting your own needs [15:45] · grieving a relationship while keeping the growth [43:30] · the journal prompt that reveals your block [52:13]

D'Arcy also tells the truth about turning 49, never marrying, and dropping the belief that being single means you love yourself wrong.

Connect with Sanaiyah: Project Loving Myself podcast · @sanaiyahgurnamal on Instagram + YouTube · The Love Blocks quiz

Full show notes: darcybenincosa.com/love-blocks-high-achieving-women

Get the Sunday letter: darcybenincosa.com

What if the biggest thing standing between you and the life you want isn't a lack of opportunity, talent, or strategy, but your ability to receive?

In this episode, I'm exploring a question that has fascinated me for years, both in my own life and in my work with clients: Why do we struggle to receive the very things we say we want most? Love, support, visibility, money, rest, belonging. So often, when those things finally arrive, something inside us pushes them away.

I share personal stories, powerful insights from my Receiving Map sessions, and lessons from neuroscience and consciousness work that have completely changed the way I think about healing. Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?" I invite you to consider a gentler question: "What was this protecting me from?"

If you've ever found yourself sabotaging opportunities, downplaying compliments, overworking to prove your worth, or waiting for the other shoe to drop, this episode is for you.

• Why your nervous system prioritizes safety over happiness, and how that can keep you stuck in familiar patterns

• How old protective strategies can quietly block love, support, money, and opportunity from entering your life

• The surprising reason self-rejection often has nothing to do with self-worth and everything to do with self-protection

• Why trying to "fix" yourself can actually keep you trapped in shame and endless self-improvement loops

• How to identify the unconscious beliefs that make receiving feel uncomfortable or unsafe

• The connection between truth, expansion, and freedom, and how false stories create contraction and suffering

• Why so many high-achieving women struggle to receive help, praise, rest, and abundance

• A simple practice for noticing the stories that keep you feeling excluded, unworthy, or not enough

• How integrity, self-acceptance, and surrender create more lasting transformation than perfectionism ever could

• What it really means to let the good in and become available to your life exactly as it is

• What is something you deeply want but struggle to receive?

• When support, love, money, or opportunity arrives, what is your first instinct?

• What belief might be standing between you and the thing you're asking for?

• Does that belief make you feel more expanded or more contracted?

• What would you do with your life if you trusted that you were already enough?

For a long time, I thought healing meant fixing every flaw, understanding every wound, and untangling every pattern. But lately, I've come to believe something much simpler: maybe the goal isn't fixing yourself at all. Maybe the goal is becoming available to life again.

Available to love. Available to joy. Available to support. Available to beauty. Available to the goodness that is already trying to reach you.

The truth is that most of us don't struggle to get what we want. We struggle to let it land. We stay braced for disappointment because it feels more familiar than trust. But what if today was the day you stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop?

What if you let yourself receive the compliment, the opportunity, the friendship, the abundance, the love?

You don't need to become someone else first. You don't need to be thinner, wealthier, more successful, or more healed.

You can let the good in right now.

Book a Receiving Map session here.

What does it actually look like to evolve from a successful photographer into a fully embodied luxury brand?

In this deeply personal episode of the Play It Brave podcast, I'm taking you behind the scenes with my client and dear friend, Kristen Marie, as she walks through a massive identity shift, creative rebirth, and business rebrand. Kristen has been photographing weddings and adventure elopements for over eight years, and after years of success in the elopement world, her body finally told her something had to change.

Together, we talk openly about burnout, redefining success, and the emotional process of growing out of an old identity that no longer fits. We also share what happened during Kristen's immersive coaching retreat at my cabin, where we explored her values, archetypes, subconscious beliefs, and the deeper emotional patterns underneath her business.

Then, in a rare behind-the-scenes look, we bring you directly into one of Kristen's real coaching calls along with her brand designer, Kass. You'll hear us brainstorm everything from visual identity and positioning to luxury storytelling, artistic authority, nature-inspired branding, and what it truly means to create a brand that resonates instead of imitates.

• The hidden burnout that can happen even inside a successful photography business

• Why Kristen realized she could no longer continue as an overextended adventure elopement photographer

• How identity work and nervous system healing play a huge role in luxury rebranding

• The values and archetypes that shaped Kristen's new direction

• Moving from "cute girl with a camera" into grounded artistic authority

• The difference between copying luxury branding and creating true resonance

• Building a brand inspired by nature, stillness, cinematic storytelling, and emotional depth

• Why luxury positioning is often more about embodiment than skill level

• The visual and emotional references influencing Kristen's rebrand, from Ralph Lauren campaigns to Terrence Malick films

• How photographers can evolve their businesses without abandoning themselves in the process

One of the biggest things I hope you take away from this episode is that rebranding is never just about aesthetics. It's not just new fonts, prettier colors, or a more elevated website.

A true rebrand asks you to become honest about who you are now, who you've been, and who you're ready to become.

Watching Kristen move through this process with so much courage, self-awareness, and openness has been incredibly beautiful. She's not simply trying to book higher-paying weddings. She's learning how to trust herself, honor her energy, deepen her artistry, and create a business that actually supports the life she wants to live.

That's the kind of transformation that changes everything.

I cannot wait for you to hear this behind-the-scenes conversation and witness what it really looks like to build a brand from the inside out.

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on how I approach photographing a high-level, multi-day destination wedding—from the mindset I bring, to the creative direction, to the very real pressure behind the glamour.

After more than two decades in this industry, I don't just show up and "document" a wedding. I direct it. I shape it. I craft it into a visual story that feels cinematic, intentional, and deeply personal to the couple.

If you've ever wondered how to elevate your work from delivering a gallery to creating a story that stops people in their tracks, this episode is for you. I'm walking you through exactly how I prepare, how I think about storytelling, and how I balance structure with magic so I can consistently create images that feel both timeless and alive.

• You're not just a photographer—you're a creative director. The industry is shifting away from simple documentation and toward storytelling. Your role is to guide, shape, and intentionally create moments, not just capture what happens.

• A gallery is not the same as a story. A true wedding story has a narrative arc: a beginning, rising action, climax, and resolution. When your images build on each other emotionally and visually, the viewer experiences the wedding rather than just seeing it.

• Multi-day weddings create deeper storytelling opportunities. Each event becomes its own "chapter" with a distinct visual world—color palette, mood, and energy—allowing for a richer, more dimensional final body of work.

• The couple's language is your creative blueprint. How your clients describe their relationship reveals the emotional tone you should be capturing. Words like "ease," "safety," or "joy" directly inform your direction and approach.

• Plan your "future portfolio" intentionally. Identify 10–15 images you don't yet have but wish you did. These become your creative targets so you're always evolving instead of repeating yourself.

• Hero shots are non-negotiable. Think in terms of impactful, scroll-stopping images:

• Venue/establishing shot

• Fashion/editorial moment

• Emotional peak

• Elevated detail

• Scale/negative space

• Movement These are the images that define your work and get published.

• Preparation creates space for magic. Wardrobe mapping, location scouting, timeline awareness, and shot planning don't limit creativity—they free you to be fully present when the unexpected, magical moments happen.

• Details should feel specific, not generic. Ask yourself: Does this image tell me something unique about this couple? If it could belong to anyone's wedding, it's not strong enough yet.

• Your energy matters just as much as your skill. Weddings are high-pressure environments. Your ability to regulate your energy, stay grounded, and lead confidently impacts the entire creative outcome.

• Trends come and go, but story endures. You can incorporate trends, but your foundation should always be timeless storytelling that evokes emotion decades later.

At the end of the day, this work is about so much more than pretty images. It's about crafting something that holds meaning, emotion, and memory in a way that lasts.

Yes, there's beauty in the spontaneity of a wedding day. But the real magic happens when preparation meets intuition — when you've done the work to understand your couple, mapped out your vision, and then allow yourself to co-create something alive in the moment.

That's where your artistry lives.

And if you can step into that role fully — not just as someone who captures, but as someone who creates — you don't just deliver galleries. You build stories, elevate your brand, and open the door to a completely different level of work.

On this episode of the Play It Brave podcast, I'm taking a conversation I started on Instagram and going deeper into something I care deeply about: manifestation, intuition, and personal power.

Because here's the truth, I don't believe you when you say you don't know who you are or what you want.

I say that with love.

What I've found, both in my own life and in working with so many of you, is that "not knowing" is often a protection mechanism. It's a way we stay safe from the courage, change, and disruption that comes with actually claiming what we want.

So today, I'm breaking down what manifestation really is and what it is not, why your intuition isn't missing, and how subconscious patterns may be quietly running your life and your business.

• Manifestation isn't broken. You're just stuck on the first floor Writing lists, vision boards, and affirmations aren't wrong. They are just the beginning. True co-creation requires stepping into your power as a sovereign adult, not staying in a childlike wish and hope dynamic.

• Most of what you think you want isn't actually yours Your dream life may be shaped by culture, family, religion, or social media. Real manifestation begins when you ask: is this truly my desire, or something I've been taught to want?

• You don't lack intuition. You're afraid to follow it Intuition often asks you to make hard choices, face uncertainty, or let go of what feels safe. Most people don't want clearer intuition. They want a version that guarantees comfort and certainty.

• "I don't know what I want" is often a protective pattern When following your truth feels too costly, whether emotionally, financially, or socially, you learn to shut it down. Not knowing becomes a way to avoid the consequences of knowing.

• Your power leaks in three key places Will I still belong if I change? Will I be safe financially, physically, or emotionally? Will I be judged, envied, or rejected if I grow?

• Subconscious patterns shape what you believe you're allowed to have Whether it's tying love to achievement, suppressing your needs, or making yourself smaller to be accepted, these patterns directly impact what you try to manifest.

• You can't out-strategize a subconscious block No marketing plan, sales funnel, or branding strategy can override beliefs like "I'm not allowed to be seen" or "I have to earn love." This is identity work, not just business strategy.

• Receiving is often harder than giving Many of us are conditioned to overgive because it feels safe. Receiving love, support, money, and rest can feel uncomfortable or even threatening to the nervous system.

• Transformation happens in the body, not just the mind Real change comes from identifying and rewriting subconscious agreements you made long ago. It is not just about thinking differently, but embodying something new.

• You likely already know your path. You've just been choosing not to know The real question isn't what you want. It's whether you're willing to stop avoiding it and become the person who can hold it.

If there's one thing I want you to take with you, it's this:

You are not lost. You are not confused. You are not lacking clarity.

You already know.

Maybe not every detail, but the direction, the desire, the truth of who you are has been there for a long time.

The real work is having the courage to release the patterns that have been keeping you small.

Manifestation is not about asking for more. It is about becoming the version of you who can receive it.

Book your Receiving Map session here