Psychologists Off the Clock

Attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. These five words (Richo's "Five A’s") are necessary ingredients to any healthy relationship, but many of us don’t start off with them in our relationship pantry. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, co-host Yael is joined by Dr. Dave Richo, author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Join us as Yael and Dave discuss the power of the Five A’s. You'll learn how fulfilling these needs affects both our personal growth and our behavior in relationships. So grab your partner (and your ingredients!), and join Yael and Dave today to learn more about how to be an adult in your relationship. Listen and Learn: Yael and Debbie’s real life hacks to meeting “The Five A’s”What makes Dave's, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, so enduringly helpful for peopleDave’s expert breakdown of the ideal goals for adults in relationshipsProfessional, evidence-based advice for how to (healthily) orient around “The Five A’s” in your relationshipHow your childhood experiences may be impacting your relationship The way mindfulness applies to relationshipsDave's approach to productively reframing and working with blame and feelings of rage towards your partnerAbout avoiding landslides of grief in relationships when years-old mountains of ill will loom nearby (and why it’s important to fully experience that grief instead!)Practical exercises for reframing your orientation in unhealthy relationships How Dave and Yael might apply “The Five A’s” and some of Dave’s tools in therapy with a couple (READ: free thought-exercise for therapists listening in!)What to do when you’re feeling unloved or unlovable Resources: Dave’s book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful LovingDave's book, Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start HealingAnger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat HanhThe New York Times breakdown of Harry Potter, So You Know Nothing About ‘Harry Potter’? Let’s Catch You Up   About Dave Richo: David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices. One of his best sellers, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, is going to be coming into its 20th anniversary this fall. Find out more about Dr. Richo on his website, davericho.com. Related Episodes: Episode 61. Becoming Our Best Relationship Selves By Identifying Core Values And Schemas With Dr. Avigail Lev    Episode 120. Use DBT Skills To Regulate Emotions And Be More Effective In Relationships With Dr. Matthew McKayEpisode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah TannenEpisode 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We humans are pretty good at learning from experience, and it turns out, it’s not all in our heads — it’s in our bodies too! In this week’s episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Rebekkah LaDyne explains how both our minds and our bodies learn from stressful experiences. Rebekkah talks with our co-host, Debbie, about how undersupported, overwhelming, and unwanted life events can dictate how we respond to future stress and overwhelm. The learning that takes place in those events can get in the way of effective responding for years to come. Bring your mind and your body, and join us in this episode to learn some body-based practices to help you more effectively respond to stress and overwhelm! In this Podcast You'll Learn: About Rebekkah, Diana, and Debbie’s personal experiences with stress and overwhelm How day-to-day stress is different from overwhelm About the process of becoming overwhelmed and what to do when/if you’re thereRebekkah’s expert breakdown of hyper-activation, hypo-activation, and functional activationWhat’s actually happening and what to do when it feels like you’re spinning out The important differences between freeze, fight, and flight mode and how they affect you physiologicallyWhy “thinking your way out” of overwhelm doesn’t work and a few (expert-approved) methods that doRebekkah’s empirically-based approach to dealing with stress and overwhelm Practical exercises for returning to a felt sense of ease and well-being Resources Rebekkah’s book, The Mind-Body Stress Reset: Somatic Practices to Reduce Overwhelm and Increase Well-BeingCheck out our First Annual Psychologists Off the Clock Wise Minds Summit for all sorts of self-care goodness! Rebekkah LaDyne About Rebekkah LaDyne Rebekkah has spent twenty-five years in the field of embodied well-being. After working in therapeutic mindfulness for 15 years, she studied Mind-Body Medicine at Saybrook University and conducted clinical research in somatic self-regulation. Based on her research in mind-body medicine, her comprehensive training with the Somatic Experiencing Institute, and her decades of professional experience, she authored The Mind-Body Stress Reset, with a foreword by Kathy Kain and endorsed by Peter Levine. In addition to her book, she has recorded several wellness CDs, appears on the radio, and YouTube. As a somatic wellness specialist, she meets with clients online from all over the globe in her. Rebekkah lives with her husband, two daughters, and their puppy-dog in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can learn more about Rebekkah on her website. Episode 145. Caring, Compassion, and Cooperation with Dr. Paul Gilbert Episode 142. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) With Patrick McGinnisEpisode 121. Be Mighty: An Episode for Stressed Out, Worried Women with Dr. Jill StoddardEpisode 170. A Gift For You. Soothing Rhythm Breathing (re-release)Episode 131. COVID-19 Anxiety, Cultivating Safeness, and Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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 For far too long, women have been held responsible for completing an unfair share of work (especially invisible labor) at home. Even if a woman works a full-time job outside of the home, she is often also expected to complete the majority of domestic and emotional labor. What’s to be done about all the “invisible work” women do to keep partnerships afloat? In today’s episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live), and co-host Jill answer that question. Women have been held to an unreachable standard for too long. Now, take a breather, and join us to learn about creating equal partnerships at home, navigating unmanageable demands, and much, much more! Listen and Learn: About Jill, Diana, and Eve’s personal struggles with trying to be the perfect partner, mother, and worker How an invisible “I should do” list might be affecting your life and your relationship Some important (and shocking!) statistics on how motherhood affects women Why women’s invisible workload matters and how you can help shift the system that supports it Eve’s breakdown of Fair Play - her empirically based, step-by-step system for impacting lasting change in your partnership The important differences between playing fair and keeping score with your partner How modeling good-partner-behavior might impact your kids for the better About Jill’s experience playing Eve’s card-game, The Fair Play Deck (and Eve’s tips-and-tricks for playing fairly) How to connect your work-time balance to your values through a minimum standard of care Resources: Eve’s book, Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) The accompanying card deck for Eve’s book, The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important  Marianne Cooper’s work on women in the workplace and more  Jill’s 2020 report on women in the workplace About Eve Rodsky, J.D. Eve Rodsky is working to change society one marriage at a time by coming up with a new 21st century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering the brunt of childrearing and domestic life responsibilities regardless of whether they work outside the home. In her New York Times bestselling book Fair Play, she uses her Harvard Law School training and years of organizational management experience to create a life-management system to help couples both rebalance all of the work it takes to run a home and reimagine their relationship, time and purpose. Eve Rodsky received her B.A. in economics and anthropology from the University of Michigan, and her J.D. from Harvard Law School. After working in foundation management at J.P. Morgan, she founded the Philanthropy Advisory Group to advise high-net worth families and charitable foundations on best practices for harmonious operations, governance and disposition of funds. In her work with hundreds of families over a decade, she realized that her expertise in family mediation, strategy, and organizational management could be applied to a problem closer to home – a system for couples seeking balance, efficiency, and peace in their home. Rodsky was born and raised by a single mom in New York City and now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their three children. Visit her website to learn more! Related Episodes: Episode 137. The Complexities of Motherhood with Daphne de MarnEpisode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah TannenEpisode 121. Be Mighty: An Episode for Stressed Out, Worried Women with Dr. Jill StoddardEpisode 174. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Working parenthood is hard, and even the most Instagram-perfect parents and professionals have their fair share of tears, overwhelm, guilt, and anxiety. Though there are no simple solutions, learning how to work and parent more mindfully can help you build greater success and have more joy. Join our conversation with Lori Mihalich-Levin, author of Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, founder of Mindful Return, and Working Mother Magazine's “working mama guru.” Lori talks with co-host Yael about the ins and outs of mindful working parenthood. When you tune in, you'll learn tips that can help you work and parent more successfully and more joyfully, even in the face of the day-to-day challenges working parents experience. So go ahead and snuggle your nearest kiddo while you learn how to more mindfully enjoy your baby and your career! Listen and Learn: What motivates Lori and her personal tips on how to take on the impossible in work and parenting Why companies fail to retain women after they have children How to be a psychologically flexible working parent About the strategies Lori uses in her personal life to navigate parenting, her career, and her sanity What mindfulness is, what it involves, and how to be mindful in your own life Recommendations for parents who struggle with the guilt that often accompanies juggling multiple roles How to plan effectively (even if you aren’t a self-proclaimed planning nerd like Lori!) Why boundaries are necessary and how you can establish them Lori’s tips for using your parenting skills to become a more effective leader at work How to build community, and why you should About the importance of passion projects for your work as a parent and your work at work! About Lori’s work in diversifying her Mindful Return courses to meet the needs of more individuals, including dads and parents of children with special needs Work, Parenting, and Mindfulness Resources Mentioned in This Episode Lori’s Mindful Return Program (and the mom-specific, dad-specific, and parents of children with special needs versions, as well as a course for employers) Lori’s book, Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave The Free Meditation App - Insight Timer Emily Oster’s book, Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool Lori's podcast, Parents at Work Parenting in a Pandemic support groups for moms and dads About "Working Mama Guru" Lori Mihalich-Levin, JD Lori is the founder of Mindful Return, author of Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, and creator of the Mindful Return Maternity Leave E-Course. She is mama to two wonderful red-headed boys (ages 7 and 9), is the co-host of the Parents at Work Podcast, and is a partner in the health care practice at Dentons US LLP. Her passion is empowering new parents by providing them with the strategies and tools they need to be present with their babies and in their careers. Lori’s work has appeared in the New York Times Parenting, The Washington Post, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. And just recently, she was featured in The Female CEO Magazine. Lori holds a law degree from the Georgetown University Law Center and completed her undergraduate studies at Princeton University’s Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs. She has been committed to promoting women’s equality and leadership throughout her career. Most recently, she founded and Co-Chaired for two years Dentons’ Parent Professional Network (now ParentsLEAD). In her prior job, she founded both the Returning to Work Community (RWC) for mothers at Association of A... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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 In his TEDx talk, Michael Herold, public speaker, confidence coach, and podcaster extraordinaire, says, “Things you will achieve in your life, you will achieve because of your disability, not in spite of it.” In this week’s episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Michael talks with Debbie and Yael about confidence, self-doubt, and overcoming limitations. Limitations are all around us. These might be thoughts about how unqualified we are, feelings of anxiety, or even physical disabilities such as spinal muscular atrophy, but Michael Herold has some good news. We can overcome the limitations that come from our own heads, by taking Comfort Zone Challenges! Join us in this episode to learn about how to work with those limitations, instead of against them, to achieve the life you want. The Psychologists Off the Clock are excited to welcome Michael aboard as our new Strategic Consultant. Join us to for this episode to meet Michael and learn about our new team member! Listen and Learn How to build confidence and step outside your comfort zone About Michael’s transition from animator to public speaker, coach, and podcaster Why Acceptance and Commitment Therapy resonates with Michael and how it changed his life How Michael’s disability, spinal muscular atrophy, has shaped his unique perspective How you can use values to overcome your limitations About motivational porn and the microaggressions we often use when discussing people who have ‘overcome’ disability-related limitations Why it’s so important to connect with people and how to do that Inside information on how Coach Michael works to build his clients’ confidence Tips and tricks from the master himself on how to build your own confidence Resources from this Podcast Episode Michael's TEDx talk Michael’s website Michael's podcast: The Art of Charm The Art of Charm Podcast's Episode featuring Michael The Art of Charm Podcast's Core Confidence Program Viktor Frankl's Book: Man's Search for Meaning Michael’s Short Film “When I grow up” All of Michael’s short animated films  Michael Herold About Michael Herold Early in his life, doctors told Michael Herold’s parents that his severe disability would keep him from living a normal life. The doctors were right. Michael’s life has been anything but normal. In fact, he is quite a renaissance man. For over a decade, Michael was a successful animator for Nickelodeon and worked on a variety of shows including Penguins of Madagascar and Kung Fu Panda. He currently does public speaking around the world and has recently spoken in front of parliament and given a TEDx talk. Michael also uses skills and exercises from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to provide coaching on a variety of life-skills including public speaking, self-doubt, communication, and, primarily, confidence. Visit Michael’s website to find out more!   Episode 91. Disability as a Form of Diversity with Dr. Erin AndrewsEpisode 169. Microaggressions, Mental Health Disparities, and Racial Trauma with Monnica WilliamsEpisode 102. A Liberated Mind with Dr. Steven HayesEpisode 72. Committed Action with Dr. DJ MoranEpisode 32. Social Connection: Exploring Loneliness and Building Intimacy      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Performance pressure is pushing down on us and Queen was right - that pressure is terrifying! In this Psychologists Off the Clock podcast episode, Yael speaks with Dr. Sian Beilock, an expert on performance and brain science, and author of Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting it Right When You Have to. Listen in to hear Sian's insights and about her research into how our experiences, neurology, emotions, and thoughts interact to both foster and stump our ability to perform under pressure. You'll learn about how mind-body communication leads to sub-optimal performance. And you'll gain knowledge and strategies to make high pressure situations work to your advantage! Performing under pressure is a skill, like any other, Sian tells us. Tune in to learn how to build it. Listen and Learn: Why Sian started studying choking in the first place (hint: it was a bit of 'me-search') Sian’s definition of choking What types of situations and personal characteristics lend themselves to choking What’s going on physiologically and neurologically when you're choking under pressure Strategies, tips, and tricks from Sian for dealing with choking About embodied cognition, rest, and relaxation How perfectionism and role switching might be involved in choking Why self-compassion is so important when you’re performing under pressure How prejudice, stereotypes, diversity, and evaluative apprehension impact the likelihood of choking Performing Under Pressure Resources Mentioned: Sian’s book - Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting it Right When You Have to Sian’s book - How the Body Knows Its Mind: The Surprising Power of the Physical Environment to Influence How You Think and Feel Alex Pang’s book, Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less Jessica Lahey’s book, The Gift of Failure Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Deborah Spar’s book, Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection About Choke Expert Dr. Sian Beilock: A cognitive scientist by training, Dr. Sian Beilock earned her Bachelor of Science in cognitive science from the University of California, San Diego, and doctorates of philosophy in both kinesiology and psychology from Michigan State University. Sian has served as the eighth President of Barnard College at Columbia University since 2017. Her work as a cognitive scientist revolves around performance anxiety and reveals simple psychological strategies that can be used to ensure success in everything from test taking and public speaking to athletics and job interviews. Sian is one of the world’s leading experts on the brain science behind performing under pressure and the brain and body factors influencing all types of choking (from test-taking to public speaking to your golf swing). She has authored two critically acclaimed books published in more than a dozen languages - Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting it Right When You Have to and How the Body Knows Its Mind: The Surprising Power of the Physical Environment to Influence How You Think and Feel, as well as over 100 peer-reviewed publications. Her 2017 TED talk on why we choke under pressure has been viewed over 2 million times. You can find out more about Dr. Beilock here. Related Episodes from The Psychologists Off the Clock Podcast: Episode 34. Strengths, Goal Setting, and Grit with Dr. Alexis Karris Bachik Episode 45. Rest with Dr. Alex Soojung-Kim Pang Episode 75: Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer Episode 88. Perfectionism with Sharon Martin Episode 161. The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey Episode 166. How to Manage Multiple Life Roles Skillfully with Sarah Argenal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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