健康的亲密关系能给与人们很多但如果遇到PUA面对诸多抱怨许多指责陷入自卑自馁自我怀疑

01“PUA”是什么意思？
PUA全称为Pick-Up Artist
pick up除了“捡起、获得”等
还有“撩妹、与...调情”的意思

PUA原意是指“搭讪艺术家”，其原本是指男性接受系统学习和实践，提高自己的情商，后泛指很会吸引异性的人和行为。
后来，PUA使用范围变广，现在多指从精神上控制你，对你进行言语或者行为打击，让你失去信心，从而对他（她）言听计从。

那职场PUA，又是什么意思呢？
Domeet Webmaster网站就曾经发文详细讲了什么是职场PUA（Workplace PUA）：
“职场PUA”的定义是：The workplace PUA is an expression that extends from the love PUA. It mostly occurs between the boss and his subordinates. It also uses a series of mental control methods to let the subordinates lose themselves and ultimately obey the boss.
【译】职场PUA是从爱情PUA上延伸出来的叫法，它多发生在上司和下属之间，同样是通过一系列的精神控制，让下属丧失自我，最终对上司唯命是从。

02gaslighting 煤气灯效应
gaslight [ˈɡæslaɪt] n.煤气灯
vt. 心理操控使人产生自我怀疑
gaslighting 煤气灯效应
和PUA相近的一个概念
专指为自己的利益而严重误导别人的行为或做法操纵使其迷失方向和不信任
2022年，《韦氏词典》公布gaslighting为年度词汇
例：It's got everything to do with Lydia. She's gaslighting you.
这跟Lydia有很大关系。她在心里操控你。

煤气灯效应来源：The term comes from the title of a 1938 play and the movies based on that play, the plots of which involve a man attempting to make his wife believe that she is going insane.
这个词来源于1938年一部戏剧的名字以及根据这部戏剧改编的电影，故事情节是讲一个男人试图让他的妻子相信她要疯了。
He does something in the attic to cause the house’s gas lights to dim, but he insists to his wife that the lights are not dimming and that she can’t trust her own perceptions.
他在阁楼上动了手脚，使房子的煤气灯变暗，但他坚持对妻子说，灯并没有变暗，让他妻子无法相信自己的感觉。

03如何避免被PUA？
来看看一些建议：
①提高警惕
to be on the alert
如果有人经常跟你说这些话，就要提高警惕了：
“We talked about this. Don't you remember?”
我们说过这个，你怎么不记得了？
“You're being irrational.”
你太不理智了。
“Don't you think you're over-reacting?”
你不觉得你反应过度了吗？
“You can't take a joke.”
你也太开不起玩笑。
“I criticize you because I like you.”
我喜欢你才批评你呢。

②保持自我
to be yourself
In any relationship, self is always the most important. Once you lose yourself, your destiny will be handed over to others, and you will be PUAed anytime and anywhere.
在任何关系中，自我永远是最重要的，一旦失去自我。你的命运就交付在他人手里了，你就会随时随地被PUA。

③保持理性 to be rationalHuman beings are emotional animals, but when we are not clear-headed , we need to respect the facts, analyze the facts, have enough rationality, and be able to make independent judgments.
人是情感动物，但是当我们头脑发热时，我们更需要尊重事实，分析事实，有足够的理性，能做出独立判断。

④敢于说不
be brave to say no
以后再次面对“打一巴掌给一颗枣”的威逼利诱时，愿你我都能勇于说“不”！

⑤寻找专业人士帮助
to seek professional help
当察觉自己已经被PUA了，并且没有办法完全摆脱控制时，应积极寻求外界力量。