Welcome to episode #259! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Guardrails, Not Handcuffs: Navigating Opposite Sex Friendships in Marriage

Opposite sex friendships—harmless or hazardous? In this honest and nuanced conversation, Braden and Kristen (“Wifey”)  tackle one of the most sensitive topics in marriage. With culture saying, “If you trust me, it shouldn’t matter,” and Scripture calling us to wisdom, where’s the balance?

This episode isn’t about fear. It’s about unity. It’s about protecting what matters most—your covenant.

Through practical examples (yes, including Sour Patch Kids and chocolate 🍫), cultural lies like Temptation Island-style thinking, and a powerful biblical reminder from Samson, this episode helps couples think proactively—not reactively—about boundaries that build safety, not restriction.

Because strong marriages don’t test temptation—they guard against it.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• Why opposite sex friendships can feel like a “minefield”
• The danger of relying on “self-control” alone
• How emotional intimacy quietly replaces marital intimacy
• The difference between social connection and emotional bonding
• Why secrecy—not friendship—is often the real red flag
• Cultural myths vs. biblical wisdom
• Why boundaries are guardrails, not barriers

Scriptural Highlight

1 Corinthians 10:12 – “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.”

The downfall of Samson wasn’t weakness—it was believing he was too strong to fall. Maturity isn’t seeing how close you can get to temptation. It’s being wise enough to avoid it.

A strong marriage doesn’t dance around the fire. It protects the covenant God entrusted to you.

Key Takeaways

• Trust is not the absence of boundaries. It’s built through transparency and shared expectations.
• Self-control is not a strategy. Wisdom means staying far from the line, not managing yourself at it.
• Secrecy is the warning light. If details are withheld, minimized, or hidden, something deeper may be happening.
• Marriage sets the relational hierarchy. Once married, every other relationship comes underneath that covenant.
• Boundaries create safety. They say, “I value us too much to risk this.”

Practical Action Steps

This week, sit down with your spouse and ask:

1. How can we navigate opposite sex friendships in a way that feels safe, healthy, and strengthens our marriage?
2. What guardrails would help us protect our unity?
3. Are there any current relationships that feel unclear or uncomfortable?
4. Do we need outside help (pastor, counselor, trusted mentor) to navigate this well?

Remember: This is not a debate. It’s a conversation. The goal isn’t to win—it’s to align.

Final Encouragement

No one wakes up planning to have an affair. Most people slide there slowly—through unchecked boundaries and unspoken expectations.

Your marriage is too valuable to “stress test.” Life is hard enough. Choose wisdom. Choose unity. Choose guardrails.

Your future is worth protecting.

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

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Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #258! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Stop Mowing Your Neighbour's Grass: The Power of Emotional Ownership

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

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Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #257! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: The Unseen Battle: Winning the Spiritual War Against Porn

The fight against porn isn't just about willpower or habit loops; it’s a battle for your soul. If you’re treating the physical symptoms but ignoring the spiritual roots, you’re only fighting half the war.

Key Takeaways

• The Three-Layer Battle: Recovery must address the Physiological (brain wiring/dopamine), the Emotional (trauma/shame), and the Spiritual (authority/agreement).
• The Power of Agreement: The enemy cannot "own" a believer, but he gains a foothold when we agree with lies like "I’ll never change" or "I need this to cope."
• Legal Rights & Footholds: Unforgiveness, secret vows, and past trauma can create spiritual "legal ground" for the enemy to harass and torment you.
• Authority Over Willpower: We don't fight for victory; we fight from the victory Jesus already won. Freedom starts by submitting to God so we can effectively resist the devil.

Scripture Highlight

Action Items: Reclaiming Your Ground

1. Audit Your Agreements: Identify one lie you’ve been believing (e.g., "I'm too far gone") and explicitly renounce it out loud in Jesus' name.
2. The Forgiveness Inventory: Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal if there is anyone you are holding a debt against. Choose to forgive to close that spiritual door.
3. Break the Secrecy: Darkness thrives in the dark. Tell one trusted person or mentor about your struggle this week to bring it into the light.

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

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Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #256! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Trusted vs. Trustworthy: The Difference That Brings Real Freedom
What’s the real difference between being trusted and being trustworthy—and why does it matter so much in recovery?

In this episode, we unpack a game-changing distinction that impacts healing after betrayal, freedom from porn, and rebuilding integrity. Through personal stories, biblical truth, and hard-won insight, this conversation challenges the idea that regaining trust is the goal—and instead points us toward inner transformation that leads to lasting freedom.

Because freedom isn’t found in being believed… it’s found in being transformed.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Being trusted is external; being trustworthy is internal
  One is about perception. The other is about character.
• You can fool people—but you can’t fool God
  True healing starts when integrity matters even when no one is watching.
• Behavior management isn’t transformation
  Surface-level change may restore trust temporarily, but it won’t bring freedom.
• Being trusted can actually block deeper healing
  When trust is restored, we often stop confessing, stop going deeper, and stop inviting accountability.
• Trustworthiness leads to freedom, integrity, and wholeness
  When the heart changes, trust eventually follows—slowly, safely, and authentically.

📖 Scriptural Highlight

God isn’t after image management—He’s after heart transformation.

🛠️ Action Steps

• Ask the deeper question:
  Not “What do I need to do so others feel safe?”
  But “Who do I need to become so I am safe?”
• Practice integrity in hidden moments
  Pay attention to what you do when there are no consequences.
• Invite light, not performance
  Confess honestly, pursue healing, and bring trusted, safe people into your story.
• Shift the goal
  Stop chasing trust. Start becoming trustworthy.

📣 Share This Episode

Know someone rebuilding trust, walking through recovery, or stuck in a cycle of performance? Share this episode—it might be the mindset shift that unlocks real freedom.

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #255! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Karissa's Story (Part 2): From Confession to Courage
In Part 2 of this powerful conversation, we return to Karissa’s story and step deeper into the healing side of freedom. Karissa shares how shame and isolation kept her stuck, how confession broke addiction’s grip, and why community, support, and a renewed relationship with God were essential to staying free. This episode offers hope—especially for women who feel alone in their struggle—and paints a clear picture of what life can look like on the other side of secrecy and shame.

This is a raw, grace-filled conversation about courage, identity, forgiveness (including forgiving yourself), and discovering that God is not distant in our struggles—He’s deeply present.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Confession is the starting line, not the finish line. Freedom grows when confession is paired with ongoing support and community.
• Shame thrives in secrecy—but loses its power when brought into the light.
• True healing goes beneath behavior to address identity, unmet desires, and underlying wounds.
• Forgiving yourself is often a missing piece of freedom. God’s grace must be received personally, not just intellectually.
• Intimacy with God changes desires. As love for Him grows, old patterns lose their appeal.
• Freedom in one area often unlocks freedom in others. Healing leads to courage, growth, and forward movement in life.

📖 Scriptural Highlight

This verse marked a turning point for Karissa, reminding us that freedom isn’t achieved through willpower—but through God’s Spirit at work in us.

🛠️ Action Items

• Break the silence: Share your struggle with one safe, trusted person—even if you’re still in it.
• Seek support: Consider a godly counselor, coach, or recovery group to walk alongside you.
• Spend intentional time with God: Read Scripture, pray honestly, and practice listening—especially around identity and forgiveness.
• Write down what you need to forgive yourself for and surrender it to God in prayer.
• Take the next courageous step: Don’t wait to feel “ready.” God meets us as we move forward.

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast!
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #254! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Karissa's Story: Breaking the Silence
Porn, masturbation, and erotica are often labeled as “men’s issues”—but what happens when a woman bravely breaks the silence?

In this powerful and honest conversation, Braden and Kristen welcome Karissa, who shares her deeply personal journey of struggling with masturbation and erotica from a very young age, all while growing up in a Christian environment. What unfolds is a story of secrecy, shame, isolation—and ultimately, hope.

This episode explores how addiction thrives in silence, how shame distorts God’s voice, and why courage and confession are often the first steps toward true freedom. Whether you’re male or female, single or married, Karissa’s story offers insight, compassion, and a reminder that you are not alone.

⚠️ This is Part 1 of a two-part series. Don’t miss next week as Karissa shares the practical steps and resources that helped her walk into healing and lasting freedom.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Porn, masturbation, and erotica are not gender-specific struggles—women often suffer in silence.
• Shame keeps people stuck by convincing them something is “wrong” with who they are, not just what they do.
• Freedom often begins before behavior changes, when secrecy is broken and the struggle is brought into the light.
• Triggers are rarely just visual—they are often connected to loneliness, stress, unmet desires, or emotional pain.
• Choosing the right safe person to share with can dismantle years of shame in a single moment of courage.

📖 Scriptural Highlight

Bringing hidden struggles into the light doesn’t bring condemnation—it creates space for healing, community, and grace.

🛠️ Action Items

• Reflect: Ask yourself, “Where am I staying silent out of fear or shame?”
• Identify a Safe Person: Choose one trusted, grace-filled individual you could talk to if you were ready.
• Name the Cycle: Pay attention to emotional triggers (loneliness, boredom, stress) that often come before temptation.
• Stay Curious, Not Condemning: Replace self-judgment with curiosity—“What am I really needing right now?”
• Commit to Part 2: Make a plan now to listen to next week’s episode for practical tools and next steps toward freedom.

🎧 Subscribe to the Pure Victory Podcast so you don’t miss Part 2 of Karissa’s story.
💙 Want to help others find freedom? Visit PureVictoryPodcast.com to support the mission.

You are not alone—and freedom is possible.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #253! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: How To Find The Right Group For Healing!
New year, new habits—but what about the right community?
In this episode, we tackle one of the most common (and most important) questions in the healing journey: How do I find the right group? Not all groups lead to freedom—and some can actually keep you stuck. We unpack what makes a group healthy, Christ-centered, and truly transformative, and why God uses community as a primary tool for healing and lasting freedom.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why the wrong group can slow or sabotage your healing
• How surface-level accountability trains people to hide instead of heal
• What separates a behavior-focused group from a Christ-centered, healing-focused one
• The essential elements every healthy recovery group needs
• Why freedom is relational—and never meant to be pursued alone

Key Takeaways:

• Not all support is healthy support. Community can shape us for better or worse.
• A good group focuses on identity, healing, and formation, not just stopping behavior.
• Healthy groups prioritize safety, confidentiality, and honesty.
• Real accountability goes beyond “Did you look?” and asks, “How are you healing?”
• God designed healing to happen in authentic, committed, Christ-centered community.

Scriptural Highlight:

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation—and it doesn’t happen in unhealthy community.

Action Items:

• Evaluate your current group: Is it helping you heal—or just cope?
• Ask better questions: Are you growing in honesty, self-awareness, and intimacy with God?
• Look for leadership: Is the group led by someone who has walked the road of healing?
• Don’t settle: If you’re searching for a group, prioritize safety, Christ-centered teaching, and real transformation.
• Commit to community: Healing takes time, consistency, and intentional connection.

Thanks for listening! If this episode encouraged you, hit subscribe and share it with someone who needs clarity and hope today. Support the mission at PureVictoryPodcast.com—your generosity helps others find the freedom they’re longing for.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #252! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: Boundary Markers: Why They Matter For Your Freedom
In this episode, we’re kicking off the new year by unpacking a deeply biblical and practical concept: boundary markers. Ancient Israelites used physical boundary stones to define their identity, inheritance, and responsibility. Today, you and I may not be placing stones in a field—but we are placing markers in our spiritual, emotional, and healing journey.

When it comes to breaking free from porn, addiction, or destructive patterns, boundary markers aren’t restrictive—they’re protective. They anchor us when life gets messy and keep us moving toward who God created us to be.

We explore:
 • What boundary markers are
 • Why we lose our way without them
 • How to set identity, behavioral, relational, and rhythm markers
 • A powerful biblical example from the life of Daniel
 • How these boundaries anchor your freedom long before temptation hits

Scripture Highlight

Proverbs 22:28 – “Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your ancestors.”
A reminder that boundaries are part of God’s design for identity, order, and blessing.

Daniel 1:8 – “Daniel resolved not to defile himself…”
Before the pressure came, Daniel already knew who he was—and who he wasn’t.

Key Takeaways

• Boundary markers aren’t limitations—they’re declarations of identity, calling, and responsibility.
• When boundaries fade, identity fades. Compromise doesn’t happen in leaps—it happens stone by stone.
• Boundaries anchor you to Jesus, not your feelings or impulses.
• Clarity beats chaos. Without boundary markers, we drift into behaviors we never intended.
• Freedom requires intention. We don’t drift into purity—we walk into it with purpose.

Practical Boundary Markers to Consider

Identity Markers

• I am a son/daughter of God.
• My mind and body belong to Jesus.
• I choose purity, not secrecy.

Behavior Markers

• I won’t consume anything that awakens lust in me.
• I won’t be alone with devices that trigger me.
• I choose honesty over hiding.

Relational Markers

• I stay connected to my accountability group.
• I invest intentionally in healthy relationships.

Rhythm Markers

• Bible before phone.
• I prioritize sleep and rest.
• I make space for soul care.

Action Steps

1. Identify 3–5 boundary markers you need in this season—identity, behavior, relational, or rhythm.
2. Share them with a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor for support and accountability.
3. Write them down somewhere visible (home screen, journal, bathroom mirror).
4. Revisit them weekly and ask: Am I drifting? Do I need to reset a marker?
5. Pray and invite God to reclaim any territory where boundaries have been moved.

Thanks for listening! If this episode encouraged you, hit subscribe and share it with someone who needs clarity and hope today. Support the mission at PureVictoryPodcast.com—your generosity helps others find the freedom they’re longing for.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #251! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast:The 20-Minute Window: Outlasting Temptation
In this episode, we break down the science and hope behind the “20-minute window” of temptation—why urges to look at porn feel overwhelming, why they don’t last forever, and how knowing this can change the battle entirely. Temptation comes like a wave, but every wave has an end. With the right plan, you can outlast it, redirect your mind and body, and build real self-control over time. We explore practical tools, a powerful fire-escape-plan approach, and a biblical example from Joseph in Genesis 39 to help you prepare before the wave hits.

Key Takeaways

• Temptation has a lifespan—typically 10–30 minutes where the craving peaks and then naturally falls.
• You’re not fighting an endless battle; you’re fighting a timed one.
• Avoiding temptation isn’t realistic, but planning for it is powerful.
• A “fire escape plan” prevents panic and gives you a pre-decided path when your brain is flooded.
• Self-control grows when you move through discomfort, not when you avoid feeling it.
• Each 20-minute victory rewires the brain and strengthens long-term freedom.

Scriptural Highlight
1 Corinthians 10:13 — “God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear… but when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
This verse reminds us that God provides a way to endure temptation—not erase it instantly—much like riding out a wave.

Action Items

• Build a 20-Minute Plan: Decide now, not later, what you’ll do when temptation hits.
• Choose 2–3 Redirects: e.g. deep breathing, stepping outside, reading a prepared verse card, calling accountability, worship music, physical movement, or leaving the room.
• Prepare Scripture: Write out a verse that’s your “battle cry” and keep it accessible.
• Tell Someone: Share your plan with an accountability partner.
• Practice When Calm: Rehearse your fire-escape steps before the next wave hits.

Ask a question

Have a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to [email protected]

Share this with your friends

Who do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.

Subscribe

Subscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! 

Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

Welcome to episode #250! 🎙️ Pure Victory Podcast: The Sneaky Swap: Healthy Habits or Hidden Self-Medication?
In today’s episode, Braden unpacks one of the most overlooked challenges that shows up after you start winning against porn: filling the void. When old destructive patterns fall away, something always rushes in to take their place—sometimes healthy, sometimes not.

This episode digs into the subtle line between true healing and new forms of escape, and how to identify self-medicating behaviors even when they come disguised as “good” things.

You’ll hear a powerful comparison of Saul vs. David in how they handled emotional pressure—one numbed, the other processed—and what their stories teach us about walking toward real freedom.

Key Takeaways

• Victory creates a void—and that void will get filled with something.
• Not all “healthy” activities remain healthy when they become a way to avoid your pain.
• Self-medication is sneaky because it often looks admirable on the surface.
• Porn is not the root problem—it’s the painkiller. Healing requires dealing with what’s underneath.
• You either numb like Saul or process like David. One path destroys; the other heals.
• God doesn’t shame your mess—He invites you into deeper honesty and freedom.

Scripture Highlight

1 Samuel 16 — David plays the harp for Saul.
Saul seeks soothing and distraction from his distress, but avoids facing the real issues of his heart. David, on the other hand, models the opposite through the Psalms—bringing fear, pain, and confusion honestly before God.
One avoided. One processed. Only one healed.

Questions to Help You Discern Self-Medication

1. Am I using this activity to avoid something hard?
2. Would removing it make me anxious or irritable?
3. Is this pulling me away from meaningful connection?
4. Is this distracting me from dealing with the lack porn used to fill?
5. Does this draw me toward Jesus or just away from discomfort?

Action Items

• Slow down this week. Take 10 minutes of stillness and ask God,
  “What am I avoiding? What am I filling the void with?”
• Pick one activity that might be turning into escape and set a small boundary around it.
• Bring one uncomfortable emotion to God in prayer, journaling, or conversation—practice David-style processing.
• Share this episode with someone on a similar journey and start a conversation about healthy vs. unhealthy coping.

Ask a question

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Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code FLCANADA for 30 days free
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Book a FREE call (men)
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Podcast Host

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He and his wife Kristen live in Edmonton, Alberta. He knows all too well the destruction that porn use and addiction can have, and now wants to see people experience freedom away from porn. Along with that he is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com