Quarantings

This week the team is changing it up a bit to talk through their new favorite guilty pleasure... FBoy Island on HBO Max! After a solid recap of the show’s premise (12 fboys, 12 nice guys, 3 women looking for love… cue chaos), Kristen and Lume deep dive into all that makes this classic dating competition so great (and so much greater than another well known dating series). Does Fboy Island prove or disprove that nice guys finish last? Shoutout to "Mansplaining"! The cast, the rules, the twists! We love to see it! Make sure to watch before you listen, spoilers galore from the QuaranTeam.

Kristen brings out “the alignment chart” that blows Lume mind and leads to another great debate. Of course they discuss and categorize the shows elite characters including OG Jared, CJ, and everybody's most hated, Garrett! Lume clearly feels some type of way about how things play out. Was the ending fair? Can the show improve come season 2? Can Lume convince Kristen to apply? Stay tuned!

Inspired by some particularly hilarious YouTube trolls (don't worry, the comments will be read aloud), this week Lume and Kristen are taking you behind the scenes to officially put on wax their reasons for doing this podcast. How and why did Kristen come up with the idea? Are the dynamic duo just here to toot their own horns? What's in it for the listeners? Does Quarantings really belong to the streets? Is there anything funnier than a commenter claiming that "having sex is not a skill"?!?!?!

As they approach their 50th episode, the Quaranteam felt it best to make sure no confusion exists regarding what the pod is about!

QQH (46:30): After another precursor to next week's full blown "Fboy Island" (HBO Max) breakdown & review (watch it already stop playing around), next up is what can only be described as an upset on and off the field for a Florida State football player. Then, the crew pours one out for the celebs this week as they talk about Nikki Minaj and her outrageous COVID tweets (those poor swollen balls), the VMA's (does anyone watch these anymore?), and a Quarantings fashion review of some of the most interesting outfits from this year's Met Gala.

Kristen and Lume are here with a rambunctious studio audience that's ready to get into it. After a "roster" update, they highlight a couple new "reckless" dating profiles they've come across on the apps as of late. They present the long awaited and much debated updated definition of "simps", and why Kristen likes them. Cue a mini rant- WHY are so many of Kristen's matches taking this as a personal attack??? Having somebody of the opposite sex in your dating profile app pic, yay or nah?

(25:30) Finally the crew gets to the main topic... BODY COUNT. Important or irrelevant? Kristen has strong feelings on the type of individual who is worried about other people's body count. Should you "need" to know bae's exact number? Could you date someone with a much higher or much lower body count than yourself? Is virginity relevant... or even real? Keeping a list, weird or normal? Kristen breaks down the list of "bodies that do not count". Ladies, don't count that man if he didn't finish the job! Lume shares the only reason he would care about a woman's body count.

(49:51) QQH: Of course you know we couldn't go any longer without discussing Drake's new album "Certified Lover Boy", along with Kanye's "Donda" and the "beef" between those two. Lume highlights what is deemed the best wedding he's been to in 2021, which included a near death experience and a Chingy cameo. Lastly the return of college football is here and crew is all the way here for it!

Kristen and Lume are back and the show hits the ground running with a quick debate on sex addiction. Then, they get into the main/age old question of the week, "Do opposites attract?" (5:16) Of course they do, but is that a good or bad thing? How opposite is too opposite? (As an aside, Kristen feels that screen based hobbies like binge watching and gaming do not get a fair shake, is she right?) What is more important to match up in a relationship, your hobbies or your values? When it comes to physical attributes do opposites attract, or are we strictly talking personalities? Lume has VERY strong feelings on this issue, channeling his inner Stephen A Smith. Also don't worry, short people get another shoutout this week per usual. Where is the healthy level of competition within a relationship and can it be balanced out so both parties can shine? Speaking directly to the patriarchy, the team discusses their personal feelings on changing one's last name after marriage. Who should be more in their feelings about their name: Kristen or Lume? Finally a throw in question, should you ask somebody before kissing them for the first time? This episode might be the most the crew has disagreed on things in quite sometime, so chime in and let them know what you think!

QQH (50:56 ): Kristen goes full send on the recent Texas abortion law. Then, Lume breaks down how Steph Curry's parents impending divorce led to one of the best Twitter threads ever. How in the world did ESPN get hustled into putting a fake HS team on TV? After a quick recap of the CEO's Birthday, they discuss a hygiene product with a very interesting name. Show closes with another shoutout to Kristen's bae.

After a quick sidebar to discuss pod outfit etiquette, the Quarantings crew gets down into it by first acknowledging a huge dating app update (would you advertise your dating podcast on your dating apps!?) Then, we have the return of everybody's favorite, Riddle Me This. This week's topic is one of struggle, heartbreak and deep emotion. (6:55) After a recent heater, Kristen highlights a few interactions that left her wondering WTF. She breaks down 3 separate "dates" that did not yield the fruit she was expecting. The return of Green Bubbles and why maybe it really is better to date somebody who has the same phone as you. (Don't do anything that requires Kristen to have to call you on the phone, just a heads up. Also don't steal her Bird rentals).

Is somebody coming for Alley-Oops spot when it comes to dropping the ball? PB is swimming out of his depth and might want to have at least one extra glass of water before going for it. Lume gives his first person account of what he saw prior to the failure. A young gun just doesn't have what the CEO is looking for (triple check your dating app photos fellas!) and forced her to contemplate on whether to ghost him or "put him down".

QQH(43:23): Lume gives an ESPN update about Max Kellerman leaving his post at First Take and Rachel Nichols taking a big L. Then they talk about a man who took his drinking to the next level with a very interesting lawsuit. How is OnlyFans going to turn it's back on the real moneymakers of the site? People are really out here falling off crates and the crew can't believe it. A quick tease about the crew's new most recent obsession, FBoy Island. Lastly a shoutout to a momentous day for a Quaranteam member.

"Never Have I Ever f*ucked a porn star.... but I'd sure has hell like to". Hold on to your seatbelts, apparently the Quaranteam needed 10 months to prepare for this episode.(9:43) If you started dating someone and THEN found out they did porn, would you be more or less likely to smash? Kristen debuts one of her top cons to single life: there's no one qualified enough to tap for personalized sex tips! Do people only watch porn categories they'd be down for in real life? (Spoiler alert, of course not) An absolute classic discussion on freaky video categories leads down a path to a mini rant on sex ed, because we all know two things Kristen holds near and dear to her heart are sexy time and smashing the patriarchy!

Later, Lume is coerced into sharing a personal playlist as the crew debates the age ole question: music, netflix, or complete silence in the background during a hookup? Kristen announces her top 10 sex playlist songs. Should sex be more widely considered as a workout? Are there requests that a partner might ask for in bed that will completely turn you off? (Spoiler, do not touch Lume's backside). TBH, there are some details too wild to include in this summary. Download at your own risk.

QQH (45:56) Football is back and the Quaranteam couldn't be happier. They highlight their recent trip to a Vikings preseason game and all the joys of being back in a stadium (kinda) full of people. Then they discuss the recent celebrity trend of admitting the lack of showering going on in Hollywood. Also do you scrub all your limbs when you shower yes or no? Shoutout to Britney because why not. How many bags does it take to carry $169 million in cash? Some Marvel/Disney executives are getting a little out of pocket and might want to spend more time counting their money instead of public speaking. The episode closes out talking about Kristen's favorite things, athletes and DM's. This week it is Jae Crowder taken to task for his nonsense.

**WARNING** The ever-growing “Quarantings Fridays” live studio audience is in full force on this 40th(!) episode, as the Quaranteam discusses the process of getting ready for a night out on the prowl. How much time does one really need to get ready? (Spoiler alert, Lume is the hare, Kristen is the tortoise) Should one designate time for snapping the perfect pic for the grid? Does the prep change based on who you are going out to see? If there is a chance that you might be bringing someone home for a lil sleepover, should you worry about cleaning up reject ‘fits #1-2678 off the bed? Should you always be ready for the after party? The audience has some choice opinions regarding shaving habits. Bush is back, baby. All this builds to story time regarding a suitor of Kristen and all the ridiculousness that ensued during a night that included the entire crew aka "the buffers". Is Kristen the only one who brings buffer friends to an event where there will be a potential guy she’s not yet sure about? (19:52) Lastly, is leaving a item behind to “pickup later” a move?

QQH (39:58): Going behind the curtain, the crew reminisce on the prior recording of this week’s main topic and reveal a couple of gem audience comments from the live recording that didn’t make the cut. Then, a quick summary of History Week AKA Lume's Birthday, including Kristen smuggling to-go bottles out of bars and whether she should stop her intoxicated IG DMs. This leads into a broader discussion about why service industry employees (specifically women) look so damn fine. Afterwards the crew return to their bread a butter topic: the innanets. Is using GIFs of other races actually disrespectful? Kristen wants you to make sure you're giving original creators their just due on social media. Lume feels some type of way about people who refuse to like things on Instagram, while Kristen explains the value of her likes. The episode closes out on a recent audience comment trend that has to be discussed on wax.

Back in the building with the another dope pod to rock with! After a quick admission from Kristen on how she may be a little more particular than most when it comes to cleanliness, we get an update on how all her recent roster progress is going. After a quick update on how the apps are treating her, the crew gets into the process of updating Lume's dating app profiles(20:28). Apparently Lume needs to start taking more photos. Is a guy posting a picture with a child a thirst trap? Also for being such a "simp", its a good thing he had help writing these bios. Do women really get mad about a one inch height difference?

QQH(43:03): Lume gives a speed review of the NBA free agent hot stove action, which leads to Kristen giving a well deserved shout out to Minnesota's own Jalen Suggs for repping a very important person. Then a nice little grill session on both Andrew Cuomo and DaBaby and their all around failings of late. They close the show laughing at all that is the wild Frontier passenger that couldn't help but be THAT guy.

Back for another episode of the best podcast you'll hear today! Since updating her dating app profiles last episode, Kristen announces some early results. Amidst her app bashing, Lume drops the actual price of the top tier of “The League" dating app and... WTF!? Then he highlights a few of the more reckless dating profiles he has come across recently. Spoiler alert, there are a lot of red flags in these profiles. Some of y’all been writing these thangs like you're tryna make a *particular* kind of online video....

Later, the crew explore some tough questions. Would you be mad if a roster member TEXTED you a comment about your latest IG post instead of simply, oh I don’t know, COMMENTING on the post!? If you are in a situationship, can you be out here liking other people’s bikini/gym pics or sliding in the DMs? If given the option of IRL sexy time every 24 hours, would anyone ever reach for a browser? You know Kristen got some hot takes on this one.

Lastly, the hunt is on for a destination wedding date for Kristen. Taking bets now, will she find someone up to the task of “playing house" for week at a luxury resort? Or will she be going solo dolo?

QQH (52:29): Kristen gives Lume his dues on the whole "Bennifer" relationship... almost enough dues. Then the two try to peel back the layers on all that is the Simone Biles Olympics situation.

Are music videos no longer a big deal? Is it "making a move" to ask somebody to pick you up from the airport? The "Quaranteam" feels very strongly about this one! After a few random thoughts the crew gets into the main goal of updating Kristen's dating app profiles! (14:21) After Lume attempts to select just one photo that she will approve of, they run through the bios and prompts of multiple apps. Is he really helping or hurting, you be the judge. This episode definitely proves these two might possibly be friends.

QQH(48:44): Kristen goes on an all time rant regarding women representation in Hollywood, sparked by Black Widow of all movies! After actually giving the movie a stamp of approval, Lume gives a Maria Taylor-ESPN update, and the gang breaks down the end of the NBA Finals including a lot of Giannis love (follow him on IG stat). Lastly a Space Jam spoiler.