Today we have Kendra. She is 38 years old from Central Minnesota and took her last drink on March 22nd, 2024.

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[03:42] Thoughts from Paul:

Today Paul unwraps the reason that we drink. It isn't because alcohol is the most addictive drug on the planet or because you like the taste of wood, hops or earthy floral notes. For millions of years, humans evolved with the expectation of a loving and accepting community to be surrounding us at all times. In the modern world we are ripped away from this and are expected to be okay by ourselves.

The opposite of addiction is connection, and we've never been more disconnected as a species.

Be kind to yourself, this is not your fault. The pain that something was missing landed in your biology likely before you said your first word. This is why we all carry so much shame when something is missing or wrong we internalize it as if we are the problem and we are bad. Again, this is not your fault. But it is tasked to you, us, we to course correct – and we are.

[08:25] Paul introduces Kendra:

Kendra was previously interviewed on episode 501. She is 38 years old and has one 19-year-old daughter. She is a nephrology practice nurse and for fun she likes to cook, walk, bike, cycle and rollerblade.

Kendra never drank in high school and was an overachiever. She had great grades and played hockey. Kendra had her daughter when she was 19 so was unable to further her hockey career into college. Her daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at six days old and Kendra says that forced her to grow up quickly.

Kendra had her first drink at age 21 and while she got very sick, she loved the relief that it gave her. Drinking helped her cope with the "what the hell am I doing in life" feelings and was an outlet for her stress of raising her daughter.

In 2008, Kendra got into a relationship and they drank regularly. He was able to moderate whereas Kendra was not. It was a balancing act keeping up with her party girl persona, raising her daughter and going to school to establish a career for herself.

After her divorce in 2018, she wasn't around alcohol as much but still struggled with the off switch. When the hangovers started affecting her day-to-day life, she realized she had an issue. Kendra says she was capable of managing her drinking for a time as she was building a successful life for herself but would still binge drink on weekends when she had the opportunity.

In 2023, while attempting moderation, Kendra concluded that alcohol wasn't fostering any positivity in her life. She knew she needed to quit. She had already been tracking her sobriety streaks and would get upset with herself when she broke them. She found the app I Am Sober helpful to keep track her streaks and feel like she was making progress.

Having already been reading quit lit and listening the RE podcast, she was priming herself to finally move on from alcohol. After her last drink, Kendra began focusing on rest, meditation, breathwork and doing a lot of walking and listening to podcasts about recovery, health and longevity. Since quitting, Kendra has found mental clarity, less anxiety and her meditation practice helps keep her centered.

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This isn't a no to alcohol

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