You know, we spend so much of our lives taking care of other people. Many of us are parents and raise and nurture our children. Many of us are not parents, but we care for and nurture spouses, parents, neighbors, and colleagues. Caring for others feels instinctive to women. However, we rarely take the time or have the inclination to care for our own social or emotional needs.

So true! It is especially this time in midlife when women long for more emotional depth, connection, and closeness in their relationships with their older children, female friendships, and intimate partners. And yet, if you're like us....we have struggled in so many ways to cultivate the kind of relationships that really feel nourishing and mutually fulfilling. If you're also feeling this way, our guest today, Deb Blum, reminds us that building deep and meaningful relationships with others ALWAYS starts with our relationship to ourselves. 

Deb teaches us how to use EVERYTHING that happens in life as a way to learn more about ourselves. If we pay attention to our triggers or gaps, we can see reflected back to us those places where we are still not accepting ourselves, where we are defensive, or otherwise resisting ourselves, others, or life.  These idiosyncrocies often stem back to our childhood and the way we've interpreted and internalized certain occurrences or consistent messaging from our caretakers.

Deb is an expert in reparenting our inner child. She guides her clients to understanding and learning to relate to their emotional triggers in a much more self-compassionate and self-aware way. She advocates a hand to heart technique in which we can all speak to our inner child in a way that evokes a renewed sense of calm and safety so that our protector parts can become less vigilant over time allowing our true self to emerge.

Her approach helps us to learn more about what we need what our inner child needs, especially when we really don't even think we have needs or don't know what we need. And THEN the magic happens because when we learn how to start bringing ourselves more into our lives - we can then also start to bring our opinions about little things like what to eat for dinner, what movie to watch and, ultimately, find our voice for the larger more important things in life...

We have long recognized the fact that women in midlife have gotten lost somewhere along the way. Maybe we've allowed the past to override our voice. Or, perhaps, we've just given ourselves over to so many other priorities that we've lost ourselves along the way. But, NOW is your time to find yourself and your voice. Deb says her goal is to remove all of the barriers to love so that she eventually becomes love in its fullest and purest form! I think that is so beautiful and if you are in this place and space and don't know where to start, go to our website dearmidlife.com and tap into the resources we have available for you there.

In this episode, Deb teaches us...

1. When we are young, do to conditioning or parenting, we are taught that who we are is not "good" or "right" and, as a result, turn away from our authentic selves to become who we believe mommy or daddy want us to be. As an adult, it becomes difficult to break out of those patterns because these were our survival patterns
2. We have many "parts" that live within us. There is the adult self, the protector, the inner child and even a higher self. Oftentimes, the person we believe we are is truly a protector part masquerading as an adult.
3. Put your hand on your heart and you speak to yourself with compassion, in the way you would speak to a good friend. This motion will build a connection to self and demonstrate that you are there to give your inner child a voice.
4. When doing parts work, there are many possible parts that live within you. Meet the one that is there and meet them where they are.
5. There are also shadows that live within you. Although the shadow self can include negative impulses, such as anger and resentment, some believe the shadow also holds the potential for positive impulses, such as creativity and give us an opportunity to explore and unpack the less desirable part of ourselves.

To find more of Deb:

Website | thewholesoulway.com

tiktok | @deb.blum

And, if you're like so many of us in midlife and feel lost, stuck, or know you were meant for more, join our community at dearmidlife.com. We're ready to fridge level up our lives. We are tired. Tired of pouring everything we have into others. it is time to pour into ourselves. If you relate to this, we have the tools and resources you need to find yourself, find your voice and start living the life you were meant to live!  We have community, education, and connection that will help you make change possible. What are you waiting for?