I believe that when we’re dating in our 30s, because we have something to lose, we try to safeguard our hearts and our lives from men that don’t mean for our good.

That’s why red flags have become so important. We’ve seen our parent’s red flags when we were little. We’ve overlooked obvious red flags in our 20s. We’ve talked to our friends about their boyfriends red flags in our 30s.

Everything in us is trying to avoid red flags and the headaches that come with them.

So tonight, I’m talking red flags with one of the most unproblematic signs under the sun. He’s the writer, producer and star of one of my favorite web series, Love & Us. He’s come by the podcast as they prepare for the long awaited season 2.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Chapters

* 00:00:00

* 00:11:01: The "Top 5" segment begins, where the hosts and their guest discuss "Top 5 red flags that good sex will make you overlook."

* 00:17:59: The hosts discuss a listener's question about HIV status as a red flag.

* 00:20:23: The host asks listeners to share their absolute deal-breaker red flags in the comments during the break.

* 00:21:36: The hosts review listener-submitted red flags from the comments.

* 00:23:42: The hosts and guest discuss whether a person being HIV positive is a red flag, particularly if they are not undetectable.

* 00:34:09: The guest discusses "red flags within ourselves," such as having tunnel vision about the type of person we want to date and missing out on other potential partners.

* 00:37:34: The guest talks about their past experience of dating "just a little toxic" men who made them "chase them for their attention and affection."

* 00:40:37: The host describes their own "Virgo red flag" of hyper-criticality, where they focus on fixing others' problems to avoid dealing with their own.

* 00:45:57: The host asks about red flags in friendships, noting what he perceives as a "friendship epidemic" in Black queer culture where friendships are superficial and lack vulnerability.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe