Says Who?

It’s Maureen this time. She’s had it. Her brain made like a firework and blew up in New York. She needs to relax, do a little yoga.

Dan’s on it. He wants to talk to her about Disney... and their reopening plans. Or books!... written by Trump family members. Or DoJo being, well, DoJo.

Dan yoga is the worst yoga. Namaste?

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What’s that? Oh, just some pre-Fourth of July fireworks. They happen every night now in New York. It’s festive! Maureen loves it. She loves the fireworks and how everyone is out in the street without a mask because everything is fixed now!

Wait, Dan is saying something. He’s saying things are not fixed. In fact, they are the opposite of fixed. He is pointing at a chart. Dan looks at charts a lot. And he keeps saying “wet holes.” It’s not okay.

Yes, Dan and Maureen are still inside, and they may be losing it. Also, Trump may have committed some light treason, there’s a rogue Conway, and we’re entering the second half of 2020… the difficult half.

Hold on to your butts, SaysWhovia. We’ll get through this together.

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It’s been a long week, SaysWhovia. Actually, it’s been a long fourteen weeks. Dan has kind of had it. Fourteen weeks indoors and COVID is taking hold more than ever in some places even as they open up. Dan has been looking at the charts and he is done. Done.

Maureen attempts to provide therapy. Perhaps they can talk about how famous figures have dealt with disappointment. Like, say, someone who was planning a big, big party for 800,000 people and only 6,000 showed up and you had to take down your outdoor stage before everyone got there.

Yes, it’s time to talk Tulsa! And Dojo's interview with his dad. And all of the many treasures this week has given us.

Meet us by the outdoor stage, SaysWhovia. It’s around here somewhere.
 

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Welcome back to SaysWhovia! Dan and Maureen are back on their bullshit, which means they are back on the bullshit of others. Ted Cruz is trying to get an actor to wrestle Jim Jordan, because that is the kind of sentence we have to say in 2020. A Republican congressperson gets COVID and just can’t work out how it could possibly have happened, since he’s only gone out constantly and been touching everything. Some states open. Nonsense abounds.

But! There is also hope. Hope and change. There have been signs that the protests are having positive effects in regards to society, and non-positive effects in regards to COVID, which is a positive effect! Plus, good news from the Supreme Court? What the hell is going on? Dan and Maureen do not know, but they like it.

But COVID is still very, very much with us, so Dan and Maureen go through the Says Who guide to saying no to all those people who want to go get drinks or something. No. Just say no.
 

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Hello, SaysWhovia. We took last week off out of respect for the events currently taking place. We return this week to see where we are now, and where we might be going. To help us look at the protests, the state of the union, the COVID crisis, and, because this is Says Who, a little Disney, we are joined by our friend Akilah Hughes.

We will be donating this month’s Patreon contribution to the Movement for Black Lives. 

Now and always, Black Lives Matter.

 

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s summertime in SaysWhovia! Time for surf! Sand! Sun! Staying indoors! JUST STAY INDOORS!

That’s what Dan and Maureen have been doing. They stay inside! But not everyone can say the same. The President is golfing again. People around the US are crowding into gross swimming pool bars. Disorganized reopenings are happening haphazardly all over. Who needs a plan? No one!

Meanwhile, in the UK, a man named Dominic Cummings made a magical journey, which Maureen wants to tell you all about. Find out how to handle getting sick and losing your vision the proper English way, by driving all over the place and going to a castle.

Surfs up, SaysWhovia! STAY INDOORS.
 

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s been a busy week, SaysWhovia. For the first time in a while, Dan and Maureen are here to talk about the news and not just what they are bleaching. 

The President’s Goons are going in and out of jail—mostly out. It turns out you can do a crime and say you did the crime and it’s okay. 

The President himself has come out with some new medical advice. He’s been getting letters. Lots of letters. It turns out you can just write to the President and tell him ideas you have about medicine and then he will just take that medicine, because that is how things work.

Of course, Maureen has still been doing some bleaching, because we’re still bleaching, obviously. She has a new outfit she wants to tell Dan all about. It’s important. She needs him to know. In this world, you need a special outfit for when you bleach.

It’s time to get loose, SaysWhovia. Get comfy. Do some interpretive dance. Take weird drugs you read about in letters from randos. Do whatever.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Food. We all like it. We all eat it. We all have it served to us by a special military valet. So let's talk about food in lockdown with notable food writer and best person Helen Rosner.

Oh, but first, Dan and Maureen do a little run down of what’s going on in the White House. Unbelievably, after taking absolutely no precautions, COVID-19 has shown up in those hallowed halls. The President’s Diet Coke man has come down with it, and in response they are doing… nothing? Welcome to wild speculation about what the hell is going on!

And then we can get to grocery washing, pleasure eating, and how restaurants may ever reopen. It’s a feast!

Sit down, SaysWhovia! We set a place for you, and it’s all you can eat.

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Peek a boo! It’s Dan and Maureen! Behind you! Surprise!

It’s been another indoor week, and Dan and Maureen are doing… fine? They don’t know anymore. They cannot remember the Before Times. But they’re pretty used to it all now. They go over the regular things, handwashing, types of beans, things you can do in a basement. But, in a change of pace from the last few weeks, they remember there is Other News, even though that news is still the same news.

Dan's on the hunt for who stole Maureen's drugs, and finds a new lead in an old place. But Maureen wants Dan to go read some George Conway and Trump’s tweets instead. Dan does not want to. Dan reads them anyway. They are in a fight and it is gross and dirty and Dan does not like it AT ALL. Dan is already queasy. He wants it to stop. Meanwhile, Maureen’s pup eats a microphone, bringing a new level of professionalism and sonic quality to the project.

So sit down and have some of these beans. They taste just like Taco Bell!

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Oh hello, SaysWhovia! You caught us at home! How fortunate. It’s been… 50 days? Something like that. And here we are.

Dan and Maureen are doing pretty well. There is the usual talk of bleach and masks. They discuss the need to keep busy and the feeling of not getting anything done. After all, one must count one’s beans and clean the doorknobs.

But! There are other things going on! More traditional Says Who fare! Michael Cohen is back in the news. He is writing a book, and Dan and Maureen want in! And there is another player on the stage. Dan wants to tell Maureen all about him. A new boyfriend, perhaps?

Anyway, come on in, SaysWhovia. We’ll wipe you down with Lysol wipes. Again.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho