This week we are running up that hill and making a deal with God as we discuss “Revelations”! We’re talking Scully getting her turn to have an insane Mulder moment, the long-awaited Grandpa Fight, the Boo Crew breaking the laws of physics to show up at a crime scene, and Mulder flying down the Lil Nas X stripper pole to hell and getting scooped up by aliens. We derail the climax by talking about Midnight Mass for five minutes, talk about the greatest masterpiece of our time The Day After Tomorrow, predict that Scully will become pope, and welcome Mike Ehrmantraut to the show. The Brew Crew goes too far this week and gets drunk in an elementary school, so we assume they’ll be going on a juice cleanse next week to clean up their act.

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This week we are trying to decipher door codes on alien trains while we discuss “731”! We’re talking Mr. X being covered in dog hair, starting work meetings by begging people not to kill you, Chris Carter’s strange cameo, Mr. X carting Mulder around ass-first, and the insane way our shadow man recites numbers. We unveil our new name for the cabal of evil old men, talk about how dangerous atomic blomb explosions are, and check in on Scully’s evil dads. Hallmark greeting card idea for the Cigarette-Smoking Man: Sorry for creating an alien-human hybrid and lying about it (and also kidnapping your sister and ruining your life)!

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This week we are chasing down autopsy trains while we discuss “Nisei”! We’re talking the shoe-horned autopsy tape they aired on the FOX Network, Skinner being a beacon in the night, Scully getting inducted into the Lesbian Convention, how Mulder jogs everywhere like a video game character, and track the most important subplot: whether Mulder’s $29.95 was well spent. We discover that Amanda is a Frohike, check in on Senator Matheson: Mulder’s fancy daddy, talk about how puppy-dog Pendrell is infinitely better than Chuck, Mulder’s secret gun holster, and the overabundance of redheaded abductees. Also, not to be dramatic, but… Show us the dog, Chris!

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This week we are desperately trying to reach the bars of our prison while we discuss “Oubliette”! We’re talking Mulder projecting hard (no, really, no one has ever projected harder), how middle school is like being locked in a basement with a murderer, how creepy and evil oubliettes are, and whether Scully is actually the Monster of the Week? We’re unpacking Amanda’s repressed TV show trauma, returning to the fact that Ella has the hands of a murderer, and somehow end up advocating for kidnapping people. Please remember this is a comedy podcast, guys.

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This week we are astrally projecting and murdering people who have wronged us while we discuss “The Walk”! We’re talking Scully’s love of investigating people for whatever, the general’s extremely dark office, how Mulder is a cryptid hipster, if Ghost Ben Franklin is a Twitch streamer, and boggle at how one of the characters straight-up gets away with murder. We talk about the mail robot in The Americans for awhile, figure out whether or not Darin Morgan played the worm in Dune, track Mulder’s hatred of cigarettes, and the jingle jangle of bifocals. And remember: if you want to get away with murder, just say “I’m done here” and then you’re completely absolved in the eyes of the law. Trust us.

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This week we are rolling up into goo cocoons while we discuss “2Shy”! We’re talking the on-the-nose named Detective Sexism, how Scully should get one free punch in every episode, the hottest new move The Gookis, Mulder’s Italian accent, and how 2Shy doesn’t disrespect women, he just murders them. So it’s fine! We discuss the baffling discovery that there are only 37 academics in Cleveland, how you shouldn’t stick a body in acid, and a police sketch that looks just like Mulder. Also, to the relief of all of us, we finally return to our boy Ben Franklin, Alien Ghost Spy.

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This week we are making a lot of ironic statements about death row while we discuss “The List”! We’re talking absolutely baffling execution methods, excessive chest rubbing, Mulder being an NPC, and the EDEGS (Extremely Dark, Extremely Green Showers). We discuss the construction of Moon Vernon, the return of Mulder’s love of goo, guillotine tattoos, Green Mile comparisons, and how everything, when it comes down to it, is about Shrek.

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This week we’re getting visions of our own deaths while we discuss “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose”! We’re talking The Stupendous Yappi’s stupendous eyebrows, how the villain is Remy Linguine, a man with a rat on his head, how Darin Morgan likes to (lovingly) bully Mulder, and fate vs. free will. You know, just light sleepover chats. We get both a Mulder Death Lore Drop (which we don’t snicker about AT ALL, because we’re adults) and a Scully Immortal Lore Drop?! Plot revelations abound. Also: All Quiet on the Nutter Front. Is this anything?

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This week we’re getting a little… electric while we discuss “D.P.O.”! We’re talking our love for Jack Black, the unseen but still-beloved group of lightning scientists down at the local diner, crushes that can be seen from space, and how Darren should have thrown it all away and joined Tenacious D. We continue the saga of really condescending character names, discover that lightning don’t discriminate, and remember everyone’s favorite 90s song. Also, please remember, now more than ever: Nobody cooks like Aunt B.

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This week we are outrunning government agents chasing us away from secret mining facilities while we discuss “Paper Clip”! We’re talking how Mulder’s dad created Clippy, the ridiculously ineffectual assassins, how Skinner is a tank built to beat up people for Mulder and Scully, and Krycek’s clown shoes. We struggle to come up with team names for both the good guys and the bad guys, get disgusted that Scully’s brothers still haven’t shown their stinking faces, talk about Scully getting a child leash for Mulder, and point out Skinner’s soulful eyes. And remember: triangles are the strongest shape.

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