Seeing Your Own Reactive Abuse

So, I want to paint a picture here. Imagine with me. For many of you, this will be incredibly easy to imagine, because you have lived it. You grow up believing in the goodness of others. You believe that others desire peace in life and that they care about those around them. You believe that everyone has a conscience and will feel bad when they hurt someone, especially those that they love. That they will work to reconcile. That they’ll put the effort in to make things right, apologizing for their part and accepting your apologies for your part. You believe that things will be mutually carried in this way.

But in this relationship, this is not what you find. You apologize for your side of things. You work to make things right. You expect that they will do the same. That they will carry their part, own their piece of the issue. After all, it isn’t difficult to apologize and clear the air. But they don’t. They leave things hanging. They don’t make it right. Years and years of bee stings happen. Until one day, you just can’t take it anymore. This has to stop! It has built up inside of you like a volcano. And you erupt! You finally snap back. You tell them that they are insensitive and blind to your feelings. That they have no idea how much they have hurt you over all these years. That this is ridiculous and you won’t take it anymore. You explode with reactive abuse.