Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going to talk about setting boundaries without controlling.

Kelli, Spencer, and special guest Jonah shared our experience guided by these questions:

What is your understanding of the concept of “boundary”? Why do we want/ need to set boundaries in the first place?

Before you came into the program, how did you try to “protect yourself” from others’ actions?

How do you determine if your words/ actions are controlling?

What is my motivation? Am I trying to protect my own emotional, spiritual, mental or physical serenity or safety? Or am I trying to tell the other person's what to do (or not do)?

How am I saying it? Am I setting limits on what I will accept, or am I trying to "cause" a particular outcome? Are my statements "I centered" or "you centered"?

How am I specifying the boundary? Is it something that the other person can "see", or would they have to "read my mind"?

Have I set consequences that I can enforce? that I will be willing to enforce?

Do you have an experience of your attempt to set boundaries when that was received as controlling?

Why is it important to you to set boundaries?