Setting healthy boundaries is a vital skill that protects our identities and self-esteem. Without healthy boundaries, we open the door for others to determine our thoughts, feelings, and needs, losing a sense of self. Strong boundaries give us the confidence to make our own choices without yielding to a sense of sacrifice or obligation.

Lessons about boundaries begin early in life, first with our parents and then with our peers. Adult upset language becomes a child’s self-regulatory voice, which in turn sets the child’s boundaries. Attempting to teach children who they should be, what they should think, and how they should feel creates unhealthy boundaries. In addition, helping children create healthy boundaries requires that we model healthy boundaries ourselves.

Listen in as Master Instructor Jill Molli and her daughter, college freshman Meg Molli, share their experiences with setting healthy boundaries. While Jill has sometimes struggled with healthy boundaries, especially around work, Meg is not easily influenced by outside forces. The mother-daughter duo discusses why this difference exists, how Meg sets effective boundaries, and how Jill has learned to do the same through conscious effort. You’ll also hear tips on how you can set and strengthen your own boundaries.

Essential Takeaways

• Healthy boundaries protect us from manipulation, violation, and being used. They express our values of respect and responsibility, keeping us safe because they allow us to separate who we are and what we think from the thoughts and feelings of others.

• The adult’s upset language becomes the child’s internal self-regulatory voice, which in turn sets the child’s internal boundaries.

• Parenting or teaching that tells a child who they should be, what they should think, and how they should feel creates unhealthy boundaries. Unhealthy boundaries can also stem from fear: fear of abandonment, being judged, losing the relationship, or hurting another’s feelings.

• Keys to healthy boundaries include confidence and the ability to notice, name, and manage your feelings.

Show Outline

:30 What is Conscious Discipline?

1:05 What are healthy boundaries and why are they important?

4:08 Internal and external boundaries

7:37 Introduction of special guests Jill and Meg Molli

10:20 Jill and Meg’s different approaches to setting boundaries

18:36 Confidence as a factor in setting healthy boundaries

25:50 Inner speech and healthy boundaries

27:40 Naming and taming emotions

38:30 Reaching out for support

43:16 Recap: Tips for setting healthy boundaries

46:25 What’s Becky up to?

46:48 What’s Becky celebrating?

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

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On behalf of our Conscious Discipline family, we wish you well.