Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

When his penis keeps slipping out, alcohol and sex, and a wife who never dresses up for you. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Well, here we are with another installment of our anonymous questions from our Have A Question page. Thanks to all our supporters who weighed in on these questions in our private forum. If you’d like to see the questions as they come in and join the discussion, consider supporting this ministry. Actually, we just hit our next support goal, which means, we’re going to try and ramp up to weekly podcast episodes. That’s going to take some adjustment on my end, but that’s the goal.

With that said, let’s dig into the questions from March.

Is fingering and penetration of a finger in the vagina through clothes fornication?

Yes, any sexual act between unmarried people is fornication. I’m not sure what else to say about that one.

We are an older couple & after a major operation I now have ED problems so after much thought & talks with my wife we are thinking of living out one of my wifes fantasies . Is this wrong of us & if we do this how should we go about it?

So, first off, adultery is adultery. Yes, that’s wrong. It always has been, always will be. Even if you have permission, it’s wrong. And yes, threesomes and more-somes are wrong as well.

Anal sex without lube, “team sex”, a husband who cannot be emotionally intimate, and body piercings. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

If you’re new here, I try to monthly answer questions from our anonymous Have A Question page As I have no way to contact these people, there’s no context other than what they give, and I can’t ask any follow up questions. So, we do our best to answer with what we have.

These are the questions we received in February.

What can I do to become more comfortable with masturbating? My husband is gone, so finding a person that can help me become more comfortable is out of the question. I just don't like doing it. There isn't really any kind of interest in it. It takes A LOT to get me turned on to even start and it is almost impossible to be able to orgasm at all. What can I do? I try porn, I try reading sex letters from my husband, why is it so hard to orgasm? I'm not fully comfortable with myself. Never have been and I can't stop from being that way either. Because in my eyes my body is disgusting in some parts so I find myself undesirable. Even if someone tells me otherwise because people lie every day.

This isn’t the answer you’re going to want, but I’m going to give it anyways. I don’t think you should get more comfortable masturbating alone. Personally, I believe that God made sex to be shared in a committed, life-long relationship, that it should be a shared experience, each and everytime, with that person.

Of course, when that person dies, that leaves an ache, of course. It’s felt emotionally as well as physically for some.

Yet, I still believe that the counsel of “sex is for marriage” persists. In fact ,there is a passage in 1 Timothy 5 that I would say suggests that if you are a widow and still have these passions, you should seek out a new husband.

December 2019 and January 2020 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we're tackling the subjects:

• Gang bang fantasies
• How to make sex not feel like an obligation
• How to get past setbacks during foreplay
• How to deal with a wife who needs to feel "dirty" to orgasm
• A warning about the book "Boundaries"
• Do vibrators have negative long term effects

This month our most popular resource is Our Sexploration List. Interested in learning more? Check it out here.

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Is it still adultery if you have permission?
• Introduction to talking dirty
• Boundaries in Marriage - Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Keep your love on - Danny Silk
• Simultaneous Orgasm survey results

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

We gained a bunch of supporters back again, some new, so we are 96% of the way to our next support goal! Thank you to all our faithful champions.

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Are Dominance and submission games in the bedroom okay? This is a question from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we're tackling the question of whether or not dominance and submission play is humiliating, if it's okay to call your husband "sir" in the bedroom, what about "daddy", and what if the wife is the dominant one?

This month our most popular resource is Our Sexploration List printable, which we're actually giving away free to our $5+ supporters this month. Interested in learning more? Check it out here. Want to get it free, check our supporter information page.

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• My wife wants me to tie her up?
• Beginner Bondage Questions
• Honor Bondage
• Household Hierarchy - What does our phsysiology say about who should lead?
• According to the Bible, which gender should lead?
• What does household leadership mean for the husband?
• Finding the Father - Herb Montgomery

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

We are 95% of the way to our next support goal! Thank you to all our faithful supporters.

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Anonymous Questions - October & November 2019 - Types of orgasms, sleeping during sex & more. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Today we're answering questions about marriage and sex from our anonymous Have A Question page on our website. We’re answering questions we received back in October and November of 2019. Everything from orgasms to masturbation to crossdressing to sleeping during sex.

Do you think that braingasms, heartgasms, and full-body orgasms are legit? I heard that some sex therapists believe that they are and have courses on how to achieve them. From my understanding, teaches men to achieve these orgasms by focussing on their breathing and doing kegels during sex. This is supposed to allow sexual energy to move through the body, and couples can transfer energy between each other. Think it also teaches something called "The Key Sound." It seems to be based on Tantric and Taoist sexual practices. All of this sounds rather interesting, but I don't think that these therapists really hold to a Christian sexual ethic. I'm trying to figure out whether these types of courses and the techniques that are taught are legit, or whether they are mostly a new-age scam. I think breathing together during sex can be relaxing and potentially allow for deeper connection, but I'm not sure that I could do it for an entire session. Kegels have their benefits, as you have acknowledged, but is it reasonable to try to do them for an entire lovemaking session? Would like your perspective on these things.

There are a few things here to unpack. Do I think things like braingasms, heartgasms and full-body orgasms are legit? Yes and no. I think people experience things that they describe as those things. I’m not entirely sure they are things themselves. It’s sort of like a clitoral orgasm vs a vaginal orgasm. Do people experience orgasms from having the clitoris stimulated? Yes. Do they experience orgasms from having their vagina penetrated? Yes. Do they feel different to some people? Yes. Are they different things? I’m not sure about that one.

Anonymous Questions from September 2019 - Deployed Spouses, Passive Sex Partners, Sleep Apnea and How to Boost Attraction for your Spouse. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

As always, I’m about a month behind, so today we’re handling questions from our anonymous Have A Question page that came in during September.

So, without further ado, here are the questions:

My husband recently deployed and will be halfway across the world for almost an entire year. Our time zones are almost completely opposite, so he's asleep when I'm awake and vice versa except for a few hours, morning and evenings. It's hit and miss if I even catch him at those times and often my kids are with me wanting to talk to daddy (two toddler boys). What do you recommend for us? He's higher drive and I know you're against masturbation… but I also would rather he masturbate to pictures of me than be tempted by other women. What are our other alternatives? Obviously we will try to message and video chat as often as we can but it's not looking like that will be often. On my end, I'm at the tail end of breastfeeding, and my drive has been low for almost 4 years (since our oldest was born), but I can feel it starting to return. Inconveniently, he just left… What do you recommend for avoiding remission, connecting with each other long distance, etc.? I really enjoy listening to your podcast and reading your blog. I love your perspective on everything, even if I don't always 100% agree (though I usually do agree). I'm glad you are here posting and helping people work through this stuff, it's very important. I look forward to your response!

That is a difficult situation. Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never served, and no one I know well has either. For some, my lack of personal experience invalidates my having an opinion. If that’s you, stop reading, because either I’m going to say something that you already agree with, or you’ll disagree and get upset because “how dare I.”

Focus on your spouse, not the model. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, I'm talking about spontaneous and responsive desire are just a model to help educator and guide. But eventually you have to drop the model and focus on how your spouse is unique.

Listen to these two podcast episodes first:

• Responsive desire is a blessing
• Spontaneous desire is a blessing

Check out our Intimacy Advent Calendar if you're looking for a Christmas gift to help boost intimacy and keep you and your spouse focused on each other during the holidays. Visit the site to check out all the amazing reviews people shared from last year.

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info. Also, supporters giving at least $5/month get our Intimacy Advent Calendar free this month.

Make sure you subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss out on everything that's going on. Lastly, if you have any questions, you can always email me at [email protected].

Anonymous Questions from July & August 2019 - Squirting, Anal sex tips & Unreciprocated oral sex. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Well, summer is gone and done and we’re going to try and get back into the swing of things here. I’m going to do my best to answer these each and every month rather than batching two months together as I’ve been doing. It’s just taking too long for people to get answers, and I want to be able to get them to you sooner.

If you’re new to the community, these posts are about questions we’ve received from our anonymous Have A Question page. Usually I don’t get contact info, so I can’t ask followup questions, or for more context, or anything. So, I do my best to answer and give some ideas based on what I’ve got. I also post these questions in our supporters forum as soon as I get them and we discuss them there. Those discussions help inform my responses as well.

So, if you want to be a part of that process, consider supporting us and getting access to them.

With that out of the way, let’s get these questions addressed.

I am wondering if you have any insight into how often peoples sex drives switch from low to high overtime and why that happens. My husband (who’s 36) has had a low sex drive for a really long time. But he has been trying to get healthier and he thinks it’ll change by losing belly fat and exercising. His testosterone isn’t low anymore either but his drive is still pretty low.

I’m afraid I don’t have any stats on how often. That said, I can tell you that sex drive can change based on a lot of factors. Hormones, health, stress, partner, age, sleep, diet, water intake, exercise, medication and a bunch of other things.

Spontaneous desire is a blessing. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, I'm talking about how spontaneous desire can actually be a blessing to both the one with spontaneous desire and the person who's spouse has it.

Links I mentioned are:

• Responsive desire is a blessing
• Our supporter forum
• What's a good first sex toy?
• All you want is sex
• Trapped Gatekeepers - Blame the guard, not the prisoner
• The dual control model - Why you sometimes can't get in the mood for sex
• Your definition of gross changes when you're aroused
• Is sex a need or a want?
• Marriage Coaching

If you have any questions, you can email me at [email protected].

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info.

Make sure you subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss out on everything that's going on.

Responsive desire is a blessing. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, I'm talking about how responsive desire can actually be a blessing to both the one with responsive desire and the person who's spouse has it.

Links I mentioned are:

• September Kegel / Squat Challenge
• Responsive vs. spontaneous desire
• Do you control your emotions or do they control you?
• Spice Jar
• Sexy Memory
• Learn how to massage your spouse
• Sweet almond massage oil
• Our Sexploration List
• Sexual inhibitors
• Desire vs. willingness

If you have any questions, you can email me at [email protected].

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info.

Make sure you subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss out on everything that's going on.