Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

July and August 2019 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we're tackling the subjects:

• How often do people's sex drives switch from low to high?
• How to squirt
• Wife is into whipping
• Anal sex tips
• Single and curious about erections
• Low drive wife is secretly masturbating every night
• Husband has a secret Facebook profile
• Porn addiction ruining relationships
• Wife said she could go months without sex
• Low drive husband with Asperger's Syndrome
• Sex is just another thing on my wife's checklist
• Oral sex not being reciprocated
• Husband engaging with women online

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire
• Women's Health Magazine - Make yourself squirt
• Boundaries In Marriage - Henry Cloud
• Covenant Eyes Web Filtering
• The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
• 22 Thing a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

We lost a few supporters over the slow summer and due to fincial setbacks from a couple of our supporters, but we're gaining traction again.  We're 81% of the way to our next goal - weekly podcast episodes!

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

July and August 2019 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we're tackling the subjects:

• How often do people's sex drives switch from low to high?
• How to squirt
• Wife is into whipping
• Anal sex tips
• Single and curious about erections
• Low drive wife is secretly masturbating every night
• Husband has a secret Facebook profile
• Porn addiction ruining relationships
• Wife said she could go months without sex
• Low drive husband with Asperger's Syndrome
• Sex is just another thing on my wife's checklist
• Oral sex not being reciprocated
• Husband engaging with women online

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire
• Women's Health Magazine - Make yourself squirt
• Boundaries In Marriage - Henry Cloud
• Covenant Eyes Web Filtering
• The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
• 22 Thing a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

We lost a few supporters over the slow summer and due to fincial setbacks from a couple of our supporters, but we're gaining traction again.  We're 81% of the way to our next goal - weekly podcast episodes!

If you'd like weekly podcasts, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Is doggy style demeaning, sex with an unsaved spouse, orgasming too quickly, and is sexlessness unfaithful. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

I realized a week or two ago that I completely forgot to post the responses to the question for February and March. I think this was due to a mix of January having so many I had to split it into three posts, and then my sermon which took a lot of extra time. So, while I had written responses quite a while ago, I never got around to recording a podcast, or posting them.

So, here they are, a few months late. Today I’m addressing the follow questions from our Have A Question page:

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. My wife refuses to have sex in the doggy style position. I think the position is really sexy and I would love to make it part of our love making, but she is adamant about not wanting to do anything with it. I tried talking to her about it and she said she thinks that doggy style is inherently sexist and demeaning towards women and she told me that she does not want to be objectified like that. I am not sure what I can do, but I would really like to change her mind.

I completely understand wanting to explore new things, and I get it’s frustrating when the one person you can explore them with isn’t interested in that exploration.

I’d suggest trying to find something else that she’s not quite so adamantly against. It’s possible that when you explore some other things that aren’t so far outside of her comfort zone that she may open up to others. My wife was dead-set against some things we do fairly regularly now. But, it didn’t happen by me harping on those activities. Rather, it was me accepting it and letting it go and trying something else that seemed to lead back around to them.

The activities I bring up too often, well, they’re still on the shelf, and if I was a wiser man, I would leave them on the shelf for the next decade before trying to dust them off again.

Lasting longer, a spouse’s sexual past, light bondage, a bland sex life, and wanting to stop trying. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Today we’re going to be answering a bunch of reader’s questions from last month from our anonymous Have A Question page. I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my promise of doing a podcast every month our supporters managed to hit our first support goal.

It’s been a little difficult this month as we’ve been trying to reconfigure our lives a bit to get more exercise in. My wife is training for an 13km Spartan obstacle course race in August and I’ve been trying to train with her to help her keep going. It's nice to have a shared hobby to work on, and I actually managed to run for 20 minutes the other day, without stopping, which I’m pretty proud of.

But, I have to start scheduling time for podcast recording as we’re actually closing in on the next support goal, which will mean weekly podcast episodes. It will also mean tackling more than just reader’s questions. If you’re interested in more frequent episodes, check our our support page at uncoveringintimacy.com/donate. As well, our supports get to discuss the questions as they come in, and their thoughts often make it into the podcast and posts.

With that out of the way, let’s get on to the questions.

I am wondering if I should be concerned if my wife is looking up ex boyfriends online/Facebook? One is no longer alive. I saw it on the family computer so it wasn’t hidden and I wasn’t snooping. I am not sure how to feel about it, but I don’t feel very good. Thanks

I think if you don’t feel good about it, it might be worth a discussion. I don’t think she’s done anything wrong simply by looking someone up, but your feelings about it should probably be explored and discussed.

This is a sermon I wrote and preached in my home church on Matthew 19:1-11 - Jesus responding to the Pharisees asking about divorce.

Check out the video here: https://youtu.be/XZCdnDSKO4U

Get the show notes / text of the sermon here: https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/swm042-god-will-never-leave-you/

It happened again. I was answering questions from February and March from our Have A Question page, and the answer to this one turned into it's own blog post and podcast episode. Check out the blog post here.

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Some of the links mentioned in the podcast:

• Do you control your emotions or do they control you?
• Have you broken your wedding vows?
• Attraction Survey
• Conversation Starters Book
• 37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sex
• Why solo masturbation is a problem if you're single
• Scheduling sex

Want more podcast episodes to listen to? We're 79% of the way to the next goal, which will mean weekly podcasts. Did you know most of our supporters only give $5/month. Add your pocket change to help us meet our goal. Check out our Support Us for more info.

Analysis of our latest survey has started, and should be out soon. Don't want to miss it? Be sure to join our mailing list.

What happens to our souls when we have sex?. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Is there an interaction of souls when we have sex? Is sex an act of worship to God, or Satan? Should we pray during sex? These are all things that came up from a single question from our Have A Question page recently.

Rather than lump it with all the other questions, I thought I’d spend some time digging into this, because I think these are issues that a lot of Christians are confused about.

Here’s the question, and then I’ll dig into it:

What do you think of the claim that when you have sex within marriage, it's an act of worship to God, but when you have sex outside of marriage, it's an act of worship to Satan? That either way, it's an act of worship to One or the other? (Just read this on another website.) Also, what's your belief about what's happening spiritually during sex? Obviously two bodies are becoming one flesh; scripture makes this pretty clear. What about souls? What about spirits? (My understanding is that the soul = the mind/personality and the spirit = the eternal part of every person. But some people use the terms soul and spirit interchangeably.) Are souls/spirits communing together during sex? Are souls/spirits mingling together during sex? Do souls/spirits become one for a time during sex, or is that even a biblical concept, since it says, "one flesh," and not, "one spirit/soul"? (It sounds kind of like Eastern philosophy.) And where is God in the midst of all this? Yes, it is a mystery, and I understand that marriage/intimacy is a picture of Christ's love for His church. But I wonder if my (and others') understanding could be more complete. Also, if both the husband and wife are believers, and we both have the mind (soul? Spirit?) of Christ (1 Cor. 2), and the Spirit of Christ , is something different happening during sex between believers? For instance, communion with one another's spirit, facilitated by the Holy Spirit? Another somewhat related question-- should Christians pray during sex? Not before. Not after. During. (?) If a married couple is wanting to become as intimate as possible, and the two best things to do to increase intimacy are praying together and having sex together, then should these (routinely?) be combined? What about praise or worship during sex? I've heard of people singing the doxology right after orgasm. At first I thought this sounded a little unorthodox (actually I'll admit it sounded downright crazy). But this could just be because of my upbringing, and the idea's starting to grow on me. Thoughts? Anonymous reader

Sex drive in pregnancy, birth control and SSRIs, sex when overweight, sex in heaven, and tantric sex. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

This is the third and final part of our January anonymous questions from our Have A Question page. I meant to get this out sooner, but I was asked to preach in my home church last week, and it takes me a couple of weeks to prepare a sermon. I hope to have it up on the podcast soon as I was discussing Jesus’ answer to the question “Can I divorce my wife for any (and every) reason?” (Matthew 19:1-2).

If you heard the previous two parts of these questions, I was trying to sort the questions by topic. Today we’re tackling some questions about sex drive and then a bunch that didn’t fit into any nice categories.

So, on with the questions.

A little over a year ago I became pregnant, and by the end of the pregnancy I'd gone from having almost no sex drive (birth control pills had killed it previously) to being very high drive. In fact it was OCD high-- 2-3 times per day high-- WAY higher than my husband's. Before that I would have been happy with having sex about 1-2 times a month. My husband and I attributed this change to the extra testosterone in my system (it was a boy baby). However it was our second son (fourth pregnancy) and nothing like this had happened when I became pregnant with our first son (eight years before--right after I'd quit using birth control pills). Well now that I'm five months postpartum, I'm wondering if the change might be permanent, because there's been almost no decrease at all in my drive since having our baby. Fortunately my husband has been super understanding and tries the best he can to keep up, but for me it's frustrating feeling like having sex so ridiculously often! It has given me a glimpse of what my husband must have gone through when I was gatekeeping early on in our marriage. So I guess my questions are, first, have you ever heard of anything like this?? Do you think it was the pregnancy that caused it, and any thoughts on whether it might have permanently "reset" my hormones? I mean, it's fun having sex more often, but sometimes the best sex is after waiting a few… days, not hours… if you know what I mean??? Also it takes a lot of time to have sex so often, and with a new baby we're sacrificing sleep for more sex. All that said, I will say that through this experience, God has answered every prayer I ever said for our marriage and then some! It has in many ways been like a second honeymoon for us. We went from having a difficult marriage with lots of unhealthy conflict to a marriage where we honor, respect and serve one another. Any conflict is a healthy discussion now, and if it does get heated at all it's just for a moment until we realize what's happening. We've even started praying together about our sex life. Never, ever in a million years did I think that that would happen! We're also reading every book on marriage we can get our hands on. I feel like we're living proof that God really can use a vibrant sex life to totally transform a marriage. Anyway, glad to have come across your blog, thanks for any wisdom you can share!

Anal sex, prostate massage, female ejaculation, kegels and vaginal orgasms, and multi-orgasmic men. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Alright, this is part 2 of our anonymous questions from January 2019. For those who are new to the podcast, we have a page titled Have A Question. We received so many questions in January that I had to split the answers up into multiple podcasts. So this is part 2 of 3.

I’ve been trying to group the questions together to make it a little easier. This episode I’m tackling all the questions about anal sex (for some reason we get a lot of them), as well as some orgasm questions.

I also wanted to give a quick shout out to our supporters who helped push us over our first support goal. Thanks to you, our monthly expenses for the blog, podcast and everything else related to this ministry!

As a result, I’m committing to at least a podcast a month, as I said I would if we hit that goal. So far, I’m managing to keep that up this year, though we’re only in the third month.

For those who would like to support us and gain access to our private forum, you can check out our support page here for more info. For those who aren’t, say a silent thanks for those who help keep us going for your benefit. Here’s what one of them shared recently:

Your blog has helped my husband and I immensely in just the last couple of months. We’ve been exploring more, gotten better at communication and understanding, and been having sex a lot more often :).The culture in our North American churches and Christian families is often so harmful when it comes to the topic of sex. We don’t usually talk about it and the impression is given that sex is bad and shouldn’t be talked about. I personally grew up with so much shame about my sexuality.You are doing such good work - talking about the things so many don’t want to talk about and providing a safe place to ask the questions people are afraid and ashamed to ask. This ministry needs our support, and I am so happy that we can help.

DIY arousal lube, masturbating to get ready for sex, sex routines, and sex furniture. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Well, here we are, another month nearly gone, and another pile of questions from our anonymous Have A Question page begging for answers. In fact, I got so many in January, it took me nearly all month to write answers for them, and it’s going to take me a little longer to record podcast episodes, but I am working on it. So, this is just Part 1 of the January responses.

Before we get to those though, I want to mention a few things.

The first is, I’ve changed some things around with respect to our support community. Until recently, I’d been using Patreon to handle all monthly contributions. Unfortunately, Patreon has gone and upset a fair number of people. So, I’ve changed our Support Us page to include a strictly PayPal option - for those who would prefer not to be involved with Patreon.

I’ve also added some more information there regarding the benefits of helping us with our ministry, and our first goal that we’re trying to achieve. Actually, we’re only $5/month short of our $350/month goal of meeting the monthly bills for the blog. Yep, it takes about $350/month to keep all this running. A huge thanks to all our supporters who continue to help pay for those bills.

So, another $5, and we’ll hit our goal, and I’ll commit to at least monthly podcast episodes.

Also, we have a new survey up. If you haven’t filled it out, please do so here.